One Hundred
by Sapphire Smoke
Summary: For the LJ community Lover100. One hundred one-shots centered around Buffy and Faith. Will include a range of pre-slash, first times, and established fics. •Buffy/Faith•
1. Romance

**Title:** One Hundred**  
****Author:** Sapphire Smoke  
**Beta:** tamswitter on LJ & Frass on BnF  
**Fandom:** Buffy The Vampire Slayer  
**For:** Lover100 on LJ  
**Pairing(s):** Buffy/Faith  
******A/N:** Yeah, I'm totally original with my titles, can't you tell? xDD I've always wanted to do one of these fic challenges. Dunno if I'll ever get around to finishing it, but since they're all going to be one shots it won't really matter either way. These aren't sequential in any way; they're meant to be read as separate stories :) I put M to be on the safe side, since I'm sure I'll include some sexytimez at some point, haha. I always seem to. The titles are the prompts, because I'm a lazy ass and feel no need to make up separate titles lol

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**001. Romance**

Was it too much to ask for a little romance?

Buffy understood that Faith had an "image" to protect; the leather-wearing, boot-clad, "I-don't-give-a-crap-about-anything" girl didn't want to seem like she'd gone all mushy. But Faith was perfectly able to keep her image in tact while being a good girlfriend, _behind _the scenes, if she wanted. After all, it wasn't like there were people watching them outside the window, secretly being all stalker-like and judging her at _Buffy's_ house.

At least Buffy hoped there wasn't.

Buffy eyes flickered over to the window for a second just to check. She knew she was being paranoid, but in Sunnydale you could never be too sure. After all, there could be a 'make everything the Slayer thinks become true' demon, and then suddenly she'd be stuck with crazy people watching her outside her house and an angry Faith, whose favorite boots would have probably burst into flames by now.

Faith always put them all over her bed, even when Buffy asked her explicitly not to at least ten times. So really, it's not her fault that she wanted to burn them. Isn't one of the basic, human rules "don't put your shoes on your girlfriend's furniture"? Wasn't that like, _ingrained_ into everyone's head as a child? It's just plain rude, not to mention slightly barbaric.

Then again, the way Faith approached slaying, eating, and sex could also easily be filed under the "rude and slightly barbaric" category, so Buffy didn't know why she expected anything different in other areas of her life.

Faith didn't seem to care about being either of those things though as she lay back on Buffy's bed, her dirty shoes getting all over her nice, clean comforter. Again. Buffy's eyes narrowed as she crossed her arms over her chest. Not just because of that – even though that was a fantastic reason – but also because of what Faith said just moments before.

That was probably one of the most insulting things Faith had ever said to her. And trust her when she says there have been _a lot._

"So?" Faith asked, looking at her expectantly. She held out her hands like, 'you coming or what?', but Buffy didn't move.

"You want me to have sex with you," Buffy reiterated, looking at her like she must be joking. Because right now, the very concept was laughable.

"Well, yeah, B. Kinda thought that was the whole point of this holiday, y'know?" She smirked, but her joke wasn't well received.

"Faith, it's _Valentine's Day!" _Buffy exclaimed, exasperated, and maybe a little more than upset. "And you think you can just waltz over to my house, say, 'Drop your pants, B. I'm on a schedule,'" she mocked Faith's earlier words with air quotes, "and _actually _think you're going to get laid? What; were you dropped on your head as a small child? I'm not your hooker, Faith! In no universe would that line_ ever_ get you laid, especially not by your _girlfriend_ on _Valentine's_ Day!"

Faith smirked, amused by her rant. "You done?"

"No!" Buffy exclaimed, on a roll now. "And just for the record, I don't appreciate you putting your dirty, smelly, He-Man boots all over my bed. Maybe you like laying in day old vampire dust and dirt, but I don't!"

Faith continued to smirk at her, but casually kicked her boots off onto the floor. "Happy?" she asked, more amused by this than should be legal. Buffy still failed to see what was so funny about all this.

"_No,"_ Buffy replied defiantly. She still wanted candy and flowers, damnit! What's the point of actually having a significant other on Valentine's Day if they don't spoil you?

Then again, she was dating Faith. Maybe expecting to be a spoiled was setting the bar a little too high.

"And why do you keep smirking at me? This isn't funny; you're not getting laid! You're not getting sex tonight, or tomorrow night, or the night after that. Actually you know what? Why don't you just expect to not get touched for a week, because I can't believe that you would actually say something like that to—"

"B!" Faith interrupted, needing to slow down her 'tear Faith a new asshole' train. "I said I was on a schedule cause I was gonna take you out tonight. So can you chill with the screamin' for like, two fuckin' seconds? You're makin' my brain bleed."

"You—" Buffy started, then stopped abruptly as she realized what Faith just said. "Really?" she asked, half in suspicion, half in excitement. Faith had never actually taken her out on a real date before. Then she raised her eyebrow and asked suspiciously, "Where?" Because knowing Faith, she could take her to some kind of biker bar and expect that it fell in the category of 'romantic.'

Faith shrugged, "I dunno, some fuckin' restaurant? The… shit, whatever it's called; Olive Oil or somethin' or other."

"The Olive Garden?" Buffy guessed. She smiled, despite herself.

"Yeah, that. Xan-Man said you liked it. And they're having this V-Day thing going on; like, buy one get your girl's meal free or whatever it was, so I figured why not. Ain't gonna complain about food, especially when half of it's free."

Well, that was almost romantic. Almost.

Buffy did like The Olive Garden and the fact that Faith would want to take her there just because she enjoyed it made her smile. Faith's frugalness left something to be desired, but Buffy also knew Faith wasn't exactly rolling in cash.

"Oh yeah, and I got something for you," Faith mentioned, like an afterthought as she grabbed her bag off the floor and started rifling though it. Buffy raised her eyebrow, intrigued, as Faith pulled out a gift wrapped box. She threw it to her and Buffy caught it easily. "Xander told me I had to buy you somethin' otherwise you'd cut off my balls. I don't get what it is with women and this fuckin' holiday; it ain't that big of a deal. Shit was invented by Hallmark to sell cards to suckers."

"You're a woman, Faith. You don't have balls," Buffy reminded her as she hurriedly unwrapped her present. "And it is a big deal, because everyone wants to be reminded that there's someone who loves them." She had a grin on her face now; this Valentine's Day wasn't turning out as bad as she expected it to. Faith was starting to earn herself some major girlfriend points back.

"I was speakin' metaphorically, B," Faith responded with this kind of 'duh' attitude. "And givin' ya a present doesn't mean I love you or anything. Just… y'know, that I dig you and whatever. I could do worse." Buffy rolled her eyes. Yeah, yeah. Tough Faith who didn't want to admit she had any real feelings. It didn't bother her; she knew what she was getting into when she started dating Faith. Actually getting her to admit that she loved her would be like pulling teeth.

It's a task Buffy had yet to find the energy for.

Buffy had finally got all the wrapping off the present and was grinning excitedly as she opened the box. Would it be chocolates? Jewelry? But her face dropped when she realized what was inside. "A _vibrator?"_ she asked, disbelievingly. But no matter her disappointment, she couldn't help giggling a little; of course Faith would get her that.

"Yeah, a vibrator. Now ya gonna get your ass on this bed and try it out with me? Cause we got dinner reservations at six," Faith replied with a smirk. Buffy looked up at her and couldn't help but smile when she saw her girlfriend's big, suggestive grin.

"You're kind of predictable, do you know that?" Buffy said as she walked over to Faith, coming to stand at the edge of the bed. Faith sat up and grabbed her shirt, pulling her closer to her so her lips were a mere fraction away from her own.

"Yeah, but that's why ya like me," Faith told her before she kissed her, pulling her onto the bed and guiding her to lie down so she could get on top.

Yeah, that was true. Because if Faith was anyone else but Faith, Buffy was sure she wouldn't love her half as much.

**- FIN -**


	2. Beauty

_**A/N: I originally intended for these one shots to be a bit shorter than what I normally write. However, I clearly failed lol. Still not too long I suppose, but definitely not short either.**_

**002. Beauty**

Beautiful was never something Faith enjoyed being called.

She didn't mind people saying she was hot; cause hell, she was. You'd have to be blind, deaf, and dumb not to notice that she had that special little something that made even the most decent man unable to comprehend anything else besides the feeling of his cock straining against the crotch of his jeans. Even women couldn't help but stare as she grinded on the dance floor, whipping her hair back and not having a single care in the world. The feeling of dancing, of being completely free – even for just one moment –was completely intoxicating and it never failed to draw people in. Everyone wanted to either screw her or be her and Faith enjoyed every single moment of it.

Sexy was a great adjective too. Her body was toned, hard, and fucking damn near perfect. She never even had to work at it either, which she figured was just another perk of being a Slayer. She liked the word sexy; she liked the way it felt when someone called her that. It was powerful, like she had control over that person just because they viewed her like that. The way she'd sit aside some faceless, nameless fuck, watching them take in her naked body like they wanted to suck the cum right out of her; it felt wicked good, to be desired in that way. To know that she was probably making someone's dream come true just by going about her regular Tuesday night; nearly two hundred thousand people in this shithole of a city and at least a third of them would classify her as their dream girl.

It fed her ego, made her cocky and probably a little arrogant, but Faith couldn't care less about what other people thought of her attitude. Maybe she measured her self-worth by how many people wanted to fuck her, but it was better than no one wanting to fuck her at all.

Hot and sexy, yeah, those were fine. Beautiful was not. Beautiful was a fucking joke.

The only time anyone had ever called her beautiful was when they were using her. Her worthless shit of a step-dad, he used to call her beautiful while he ripped away Faith's childhood innocence. His stale breath on her face, that crooked smiles of his that made her sick to her stomach. She was nine when that started and it went on far longer than Faith would ever like to admit. After she ran away at the age of twelve, she met a guy named Ricky. He was like a big brother… until he wasn't. They got into some really bad shit, the both of them, and suddenly he was persuading her to trade sex for... "product." He used to call her beautiful too; all the time. He'd smile at her and tell her she was his beautiful flower; that she lit up his goddamn life. She was too young to realize it was just a line so he could get what he wanted from her.

It didn't matter though, any of it. Just another part of this shit walk we call life, yeah? Live and learn and grow stronger from the shit that used to make you weak. Faith definitely wasn't weak anymore, so she lets it go; forgets. It's easier that way.

She left Ricky when she was fourteen though, not wanting to become just another statistic, and met her Watcher shortly afterwards. Her Watcher took her off the streets and gave her a warm bed and a roof over her head. She was like the mother she never had. But like anything else good in Faith's life, she was ripped away from her too. So she ran; ran all the way to Sunnydale, only to find herself wrapped up in more bad shit.

The Mayor… he told her she was beautiful. But he only did it to make sure she'd stay on his side; he didn't mean it. He was a good actor though, she'd give him that; all smiles and cheer while he planned to rip apart the world. For all the love Faith held for him, it fucked her sideways to realize he probably never loved her back. He just used her, just like everyone else that liked to call her "beautiful." He was the closest thing she ever had to a real father figure and the whole fucking thing was built on lies and manipulation.

Some Dad he turned out to be.

There was this girl in prison, Sofia; a little speck of a thing, her big Latina attitude making up for what she lacked in strength. She used to call her beautiful too, used to kiss her ass like nothing else because she wanted the protection. Faith wasn't interested in getting prison bitches though, somehow that felt like a huge fucking step backwards. Besides, if she was going to protect someone it was gonna be on her terms, not because some bitch thought flattering her with that fucked up word was going to help her survive. Sofia didn't mean it anyway; Faith overheard her one day confirming her suspicions that she was just using Faith because she was the strongest woman in the joint. Slayer hearing; nothing like it. Not that it mattered; Sophia was less than nothing to her, as was anyone else in there. But it just stood as a reminder that no one bothered to call you beautiful unless they wanted something from you.

So yeah, Faith wasn't overly fond of the word. So when Buffy called her beautiful, Faith didn't take it well.

The fact that Buffy even called her beautiful in the first place was a mind fuck and a half. Ever since they got to Cleveland, they haven't exactly been on the best of terms. They tolerated each other, sure. They had to because of all the new Slayers running around with their training wheels still intact. They were supposed to be "role models," or whatever. Faith never figured she'd made a great role model, but then again maybe Buffy was keeping her around as a walking demonstration of what _not_ to do.

Regardless, Faith found some comfort in Cleveland. It wasn't forever, but it was for now. She had an apartment of her own and after Giles created the new Watcher's Council, she was getting paid to do what she did anyway; slay. It could have been worse. Hell, could have been a _lot_ worse. The teaching left something to be desired, Faith never really did have much patience, especially not when it came to overactive brats; but hell, it was extra money.

The building Giles' got for training was kinda small, but wicked sweet regardless just because it was _theirs._ It needed a bit of fixing up; but hey, that's why they had Xander. Faith would help him out sometimes, just needing to smash a hammer into something if she wasn't the one scheduled to go out for patrol that night. She figured it was a productive way to get rid of her excess energy. Better than going out and doing something stupid and reckless, which is apparently what she's known for. She's been trying to work on that.

But back to Buffy, since she was the sole reason she was drinking right now in the Slayer Academy basement-slash-gym.

Faith swears this shit came out of left field. The way Buffy looked at her as she watched Faith working out with the punching bag, it… fuck, it was hard to explain. Buffy wasn't like… _fawning_ over her or anything, cause hell, she's _Buffy _(not one of those underage recruits who all seem to think she's like, a fucking sex goddess personified or whatever), but she was still staring at her in a way that made the tingles on the back of Faith's neck increase tenfold. She always had the Slayer tingles when she was around Buffy, more so than with anyone else, but this was something different; stronger.

Eventually, the feeling got so distracting that Faith stopped what she was doing, holding the punching bag to keep it still as she panted from the hard work out, turning her head to look at her over her shoulder. "What?" she asked defensively. She didn't get why Buffy was just standing there in the doorway, arms crossed, and looking at her in a way that screwed with her head.

"I… nothing," Buffy faltered a little, looking like she just snapped herself out of some kind of daze. "I was just… watching. Critiquing," she added, almost as an afterthought. She idly picked at some invisible lint on her sweater.

"Yeah, figured as much," Faith responded with a sour tone, wiping the sweat from her brow with the back of her arm. "So?" she asked, holding out her arms, ready for Buffy to let 'er rip. God knows she'll take any chance she'll get to tell Faith she's wrong.

"So what?" Buffy asked, looking at her confused. Wow, that was quite an act; almost convincing.

"So ya gonna bitch about how my form is fucked or… whatever else? I know you got at least five complaints up your sleeve; so have at it, Princess." Yeah, Faith was a little bitter. Nearly every time she was working out, Buffy always had ways to 'improve' it. Which okay, wouldn't be such a big deal if she didn't say shit in that attitude that made her sound like she was talking down to her.

"No, it's… good," Buffy faltered a little, looking a mixture of confused, surprised, and annoyed. Faith had no clue what was going through her head, but Buffy's head wasn't very into the conversation, that was for sure. Maybe it wasn't an act after all. "I just—can you not _snap _at me, please? I wasn't attacking you."

"That's a first," Faith mumbled as she walked over to the bench, grabbing her water bottle and taking a long swig. The tingles were making her grow more on edge, which was probably why she went right to bitchy instead of letting Buffy get there first, like she usually did. She just wanted her to get the hell out of the gym so she could finish her workout and stop feeling like she popped a couple tabs of X.

"Sorry," Buffy apologized, sighing softly. She ran her fingers through her hair and looked down at the ground for a moment as she admitted, "I know I can sometimes get a little… preachy. But that's not what I came down here for."

Wow, this really _was_ a first. An apology and no preaching in one day? What is it; her birthday? It was either that, or Buffy was just having one of those self-reflection moments where she goes around and apologizes to everyone for being General Asshat. She does that sometimes; Faith thinks it's a guilt thing. Or maybe she just hated everyone talking shit behind her back because she took the Big Boss on Campus thing a bit too seriously.

"Then what'dya come down here for, then?" Faith asked, replacing her water bottle back on the bench and looking directly at her as she grabbed her towel, starting to wipe the sweat off of her body. She figured she can play nice if Buffy was going to. Well, as long as she didn't get any closer to her cause Faith didn't know if the tingles would get any worse; she didn't really plan to find out either. Shit was already driving her nuts. Can't Buffy feel it too?

By the way Buffy was fidgeting a little, Faith guessed probably.

"I just… I needed to get out some energy," Buffy admitted as she let out a breath, leaning against the basement stair railing, drumming her fingers softly on the wood. "And as good as some of the other Slayers are, they still don't match up to you. I need a challenge."

"You came down to spar?" Faith asked, half in surprise. They hardly ever did that anymore, unless it was for demonstration purposes for the wannabes. But she smirked as she ran the towel along her the back of her neck, watching as Buffy's eyes followed it intently. She knew what type of energy Buffy needed to get out; Faith could feel it through the connection and it was making her antsier than hell. "You horny, girlfriend?" she asked with a wicked grin. The look on Buffy's face was hilarious.

"What? _No!_ I'm just… hyper. Oh my god, Faith, can you think of nothing else?" Buffy spluttered, looking mortified. Faith laughed.

"Hey, ain't nothin' wrong with it. But don't lie, B; I can feel ya vibin' me from here. That new boy toy of yours ain't givin' ya what you need?" Faith asked, smirking.

Buffy had a "boyfriend" – quote, unquote – that was really fucking obnoxiously boring and normal. They had been seeing each other for a little over two months now, but Buffy still hadn't told him that she was a Slayer. She told him she was a personal trainer, ha. Whatever. Faith didn't even know why she bothered pretending that she could have a normal life and date _normal _guys; shit was bound to fail.

"Okay, first of all, Queen of Cockiness; I'm not 'vibing' you. I'd have to be drunk out of my mind to even contemplate the idea of…" she shook her head, like she was getting impatient, "sending you signals, or whatever you think I'm doing. Second, what me and Dave may or may not have done is _none _of your business," Buffy told her, folding her arms in front of her chest.

"Didn't say you were sendin' me signals, just that you were vibin' me," Faith corrected with a cocky grin since now that Buffy mentioned it, she must have been trying to do just that, even if she didn't mean to. Faith knew what it was like to be so turned on and on edge that you couldn't control who your pussy's pointing at. "Slayer connection, B; you start gettin' antsy and I can feel it from a mile away. Don't know why you try to hide it; ya should know better by now. Besides," Faith went on, sitting down on the bench and grabbing her water bottle again as her lips turned up into a smirk, "we're both adults. So cut the crap and just be real with me. Ain't gonna judge you." She raised her eyebrows at her with a grin before she took another sip of her water, looking at Buffy intently.

She just wanted to hear her say it. Buffy _never_ talked about sex. It's like she's a fucking nun in a convent sometimes; pretending to be all virtuous and shit, but she ain't fooling anybody. Faith understood why when Buffy was younger, but come on. She's an adult now. There ain't no shame in wanting to get down and dirty with someone.

Buffy sighed, rubbing her fingers on her temples for a moment as she closed her eyes. She was quickly growing agitated. "_Fine,_ I'm a little worked up, okay? Is that what you want to hear? Dave and I haven't…"

"Been doin' the naked Twister?" Faith finished, smirking. Buffy looked disgruntled and after a moment of staring at her like she wished Faith would just drop it; she finally shook her head no. She knew Faith wouldn't quit asking about it until she told the truth. "Damn," Faith said, letting out a long breath. "Two months and still no action? Ya gotta get another guy, B. That's ridiculous."

"We're trying to take it slow!" Buffy defended.

"More like tryin' to kill yourselves," Faith corrected, getting off the bench and stretching her arm out across her chest, and then behind her head. "But yeah, I'm up for lettin' off a little steam. Least it'll make ya calm down and you can stop makin' me feel all twitchy."

"Is it really that bad?" Buffy asked, looking a little embarrassed as she crossed across the room to stand on the mats with Faith. The closer she got, the stronger the tingles felt as they raced down Faith's spine. She tried to shake it off, figuring they were gonna let out the energy anyway.

"You're makin' me want to jump the next guy I see, so yeah, I'd say it's pretty bad," Faith told her, looking a little amused even though what she said was completely true. She _was _about ready to jump on a cock and ride it like there's no fucking tomorrow. "Especially if the next guy I see is like, _Giles."_

"Oh, ew!" Buffy exclaimed, making gagging noises that made Faith crack up. "God, bad visuals! Bad visuals!" She waved her hands erratically, like she was trying to ward off the thoughts from her mind.

"Hey, G's kinda hot for an old dude," Faith told her, shrugging lightly. "I mean, ya gotta admit that at least."

"Ew, no! God, no; please shut up," Buffy begged, looking like she was actually getting nauseous. "I think my brain is starting to contemplate suicide because of those images." Faith shook her head, laughing softly as she started to circle her, flexing and unflexing her fingers to keep them limber.

"Sometimes you're too easy, B," she told her before she launched herself at her, throwing the first punch. Faith was sure she'd connect since Buffy was still kind of off in her 'Faith + Giles = vomit' world, but the punch only narrowly missed her face, Buffy dodging it at the last possible second. Faith chuckled as Buffy glared at her.

"I wasn't ready," she complained.

"Ya gonna tell that to the vamps when they come at you at an inconvenient time, B? You gonna whine and call a do-over?" Faith teased as they circled each other again, this time Buffy having her head in the game. Buffy smiled at her sarcastically in response.

"I never need any do-overs, Faith," Buffy told her as she started assessing her weaknesses. Faith was doing the same. "I always win."

"Yeah, ya think so, do you?"

"Yeah," Buffy replied with a cocky grin of her own. "I do." She launched at her then, throwing herself entirely into this almost immediately. Faith always loved when Buffy really let herself go when they sparred, but it usually took some coaxing to get her fully out of her shell. Not this time. Buffy came at her with all she had; running on pure feeling rather than that annoying little thing called a brain that she always relied on. Faith had been trying to teach her for years that the Slayer inside of them isn't something that thinks, it just _does._ Like a wild animal, completely untamed and free.

But just as Faith was trying to teach her about letting go, Buffy was trying to teach her some control. There had to be a balance between the two, which both of them had been trying to work on since they came to Cleveland; taking the parts from each other that they needed to make the Slayer in them complete. If Faith was mushy, she'd almost call it poetry. But she wasn't, so she'd never actually say that kind of shit out loud.

Their movements were smooth and in sync with each other. They each landed a couple of blows, but for the most part they were evenly matched. The buzz surrounding them – the Slayer connection – instead of calming down due to excess energy being released, only seemed to intensify until it seemed like the tiny hairs on their skin were vibrating. They were both breathing heavily, both for the same two reasons; the workout and the feeling that was slowly crawling up their spine, teasing them.

Sparring with Buffy always seemed sexual to Faith; fucking and fighting were along the same lines, as far as she was concerned. But Buffy always denied the tension, whether it was to preserve her "straightness" or her sanity, Faith wasn't sure. But Faith's sanity has long since been proven to be a little off the rails, and while she's never fucked a girl before, she wasn't entirely against the idea either. At least, she wasn't when she was feeling like this.

It was always Buffy that did this to her. Faith never really had an interest in the same sex until they started sparring. Then she couldn't help but let her mind wander; wondering how the sweat on Buffy's neck would taste if she licked it off, wondering what it'd be like to fuck someone who had enough stamina to keep up with her. Would Buffy lie down and take it submissively, or would she put up a bit of a fight for control? She always figured it'd be the latter; Buffy never really was good with surrendering control to someone else, just like Faith. Maybe it was the Slayer in them, begging to fucking be connected again or some shit. Whatever it was, the feeling always got to both of them.

It's funny, because everyone told Faith she didn't have any self-control. But she thought that this right here proved she did. They've done this for years, sparring, and not once did Faith let her instincts get the best of her. So fucking kudos to her, damnit, since no one else seemed inclined.

It was fucked though in a way, since Faith never really looked at Buffy like that outside of these times. Half the time she can't even stand being in the same room as her. But now? Fuck, the way Buffy's breasts heaved as she panted… Faith couldn't help but stare. Which, of course, cost her her concentration, and Buffy landed a clean punch right across her jaw.

Buffy smirked in victory and they backed away from each other for a moment, back to circling one another. "You should pay more attention," she told her, amused as she watched Faith idly rub her abused jaw.

"You should wear shirts your tits aren't falling out of then," Faith replied, cocking an eyebrow before looking at Buffy's shirt pointedly. That made Buffy look down to see if her boobs really _were_ falling out, which gave a perfect opening for Faith to come at her again. She clocked Buffy right in the face, which made the blonde stumble back for a moment, annoyed and surprised, before she retaliated with a punch of her own. It didn't connect, but they were back to doing their dance again.

It went on for what seemed like forever, both of them caught up into their own world. They didn't speak; there were no more witty quips and jests thrown each other's way. Instead there was just the feeling of their skin connecting as blows were either deflected or connected and the sound of their ragged breathing as they fell into a vigorous step that would seem like blurs to anyone who was watching. Buffy and her… they were made for each other, at least in this way. The way they fought was nothing like it was with the recruits, or even a skilled enemy. It was like a drug and Faith couldn't get enough of it.

"Stop," Buffy panted finally, pushing herself away from Faith, trying to establish some distance. Faith paused, looking confused. Was Buffy giving up? She never gave up. But Buffy was looking flushed and a little like she was going to pass out as she moved over to the bench, sitting down.

"B?" Faith asked through labored breathes, looking worried. "You alright? Ya look like you're gonna pass out on me." But Buffy waved her hand at her, signaling she was going to be fine.

"It's just… too much all at once," Buffy admitted as she grabbed Faith's water bottle, putting it to her reddened cheeks to cool her down. She tried to suck in more air to get her breathing a little more regulated.

"The fighting?" Faith asked, confused as she crossed the room to the benches. Buffy looked up at Faith, who was standing over her, and shook her head.

"You," she admitted as she slumped against the wall, sliding the water bottle down her neck. Faith's eyes followed it carefully. "Doing things like that," Buffy pointed out, still a little out of breath.

Faith smirked. "You sayin' I'm gettin' to ya?" Her ego may or may not have inflated about ten times its normal size.

"No, it's just… it isn't helping. It's making it worse. The connection and that… that _feeling?_ It's driving me insane. The last thing I need is to make how I'm feeling worse," Buffy told her honestly, which Faith accepted since Buffy rarely told the truth when it came to anything sexual.

"Was your idea," Faith told her, cocking her head to the side as she looked down at her.

"A really bad one," Buffy admitted with a sigh, closing her eyes for a moment and groaning. She slid the water bottle down across her chest and didn't even open her eyes when she told her, "Stop looking at my boobs, Faith."

"Well you're the one puttin' on a show," Faith defended, chucking a little as Buffy opened one eye, looking at her a little disgruntledly before she flipped her off.

"I'm hot," she defended.

"Didn't have to tell me," Faith said with a suggestive tone, which made Buffy roll her eyes before she threw the water bottle at her. She probably meant to hit her in the stomach with it, but Faith caught it easily.

"You're really not helping," Buffy told her, sounding beyond frustrated.

Faith smirked in response, but put the water bottle back down on the bench and grabbed her towel to dry herself off as she told her, "You really need to get laid, girlfriend."

"Yes, _thank you,_ Faith. Because I wasn't painfully aware of that already," Buffy sniped at her. She groaned again, banging her head slightly on the wall as she closed her eyes. "Sometimes I wish I was like you," she admitted softly. Faith's eyebrows rose practically off her forehead. That was a first.

"What, like fuckin' random guys every other night?" she asked, making sure they were talking about the same thing. Buffy nodded. "Well then why don't you?"

"Because," Buffy sighed, shaking her head. "I can't sleep with someone I don't have feelings for. I just… can't. It doesn't feel right."

"Sure ya can; it's easy," Faith told her, moving to sit on the bench next to her. But Buffy shook her head and warded her off with her hands.

"Uh uh, too close."

Faith looked at her a little disbelievingly, but stood back up and took a couple steps back from her. She smirked a little as she observed, "Man, you're really on edge, aren't you? The Slayer tingles getting' a bit too low for ya?" She bit the inside of her cheek as she teased her.

"Shut up," Buffy responded, grabbing the extra towel on the bench and rolling it into a tight wad to try to slap Faith with it. She jumped away just in time though, chuckling. Buffy narrowed her eyes, but admitted her defeat as she put the towel back down. "You don't know how miserable I feel right now. Sparring was my only hope." She sighed as she opened the water bottle, taking a sip.

"There's always masturbating," Faith mentioned casually. Buffy nearly choked on her water, which made Faith crack up as she watched Buffy splutter it all over herself. "Damn, B. Learn to swallow." Then she smirked as she realized the implications of that. She started to turn it into a sexual joke, but Buffy put her hand up to stop her.

"I know what you're about to say, and don't. I got it, so let's move on," Buffy requested, trying to hold herself with at least a little bit of dignity as she wiped the excess water from her chest. The blush coloring her cheeks though gave her away, and Faith smirked. Even though Buffy was being a little more open than usual, she figured that would be a little too much for her to handle. Which was half the point in saying it; it was entertaining for her to embarrass Buffy.

"Look, I'm just tryin' to help out; give some tips to help scratch the itch." She smirked a little bit at her rhyme, though Buffy just rolled her eyes at it. Faith shrugged though, going on, "I mean, if ya want to stay like that all day be my guest, but from personal experience I can tell you that it sucks. We're Slayers, B, we're meant for two things: fighting and fucking."

"I really don't think our destiny is tied up with our sex life, Faith," Buffy said, looking at her skeptically; one eyebrow raised.

"No? Then why do the Slayer tingles get us horny?" Faith countered, matching her raised eyebrow with one of her own. Buffy stared at her for a moment, like she didn't know how to answer that question. Either that or she couldn't believe that she asked it.

Buffy got up suddenly though, waving her hand at her a little, dismissing that as she walked past her. "I'd really rather not go into that," she told her as she started heading for the stairs. "I need to go get a yogurt."

"Whoa," Faith exclaimed, jogging to get to the stairs before Buffy. When she stopped at them she held out her hand, halting Buffy in her place and successfully blocking her. Buffy didn't look too happy about it. "Ya can't just say something like that and walk away."

"Say something like _what_, exactly?" Buffy countered, folding her arms across her chest. "I only said I didn't want to go into it. Now can you move? I'm hungry."

"It was more _how _you said it," Faith replied. Buffy went to move around her but Faith took a step backwards, getting up on the first step and holding her hands out to grasp both of the railings. She wasn't going to let her leave yet. "And really, B? You think a nonfat yogurt is really gonna help? I can't believe you're still on about that."

"I didn't say it was going to _help,_ I just said I wanted one. And can you _move_, please? Being this close to you is making me…" she trailed off, not being able to find the word.

Faith could though. "Twitchy?" she guessed, watching Buffy's hand repeatedly smack against her leg like a kid with a serious case of ADD. "And you're free to move as far away from me as ya like, Princess. Just not up the stairs."

"Don't make me put you down, Faith," Buffy replied flatly, not looking amused. "This isn't funny; we're not twelve."

"Ohh, I'm trembling," Faith mocked, grinning wide. Buffy narrowed her eyes. Faith just shrugged at her lightly as said, "If you want to go up the stairs, just tell me what you meant."

"Why are you pushing this? You're reading too much into it," Buffy told her, quickly growing impatient. "It's not because of _me_, if that's what you think."

"No? Cause I was just fine and dandy till you came down here, horny as hell, and making me feel the same," Faith retorted. "Now I'm stuck with the same problem you have. Thanks, by the way," she finished flatly. She wasn't planning on going out tonight, but now she would have to. So much for game night with Xander.

"Oh and like it hasn't worked both ways? Don't blame this on me, Faith. You're usually a walking ball of sexual energy and that _always _gets reflected on me whenever you're around. The tingles turn into like… sparks. It's frustrating. Keep your overactive libido to yourself."

"Pot; kettle, much?" Faith scoffed. "Seriously B, get off your high horse. Right here, right now, you started this. Besides, this ain't even the fucking point I was trying to make. It wasn't _blaming_ you, just sayin' that the tingles get us horny because that's what we're built to do; the Slayer in us wants us to fuck."

Buffy's eyes go wide, mouth dropping open. "I am _not_ having sex with you!"

Faith stared at her for a moment, confused. "What?" she asked. Where the hell did that come from? It took her a second until she realized how Buffy construed it though. "I mean fuck other _people,_ B, not each other." She shook her head, like she couldn't believe Buffy came up with that possibility as her first guess. "And you wonder why I read too much into shit sometimes."

"I…" Buffy started, but words failed her. So she chose instead to get aggravated and tried to storm past Faith since she had moved her hand during her rant, but Faith slaps it back on the railing and Buffy stomps her foot in irritation. "Will you just _move?"_

"Nope."

"_Why?_ I cleared up what I said earlier, and now I would like to eat," Buffy replied, than as an afterthought added, "and get away from you."

Faith smirked. "Cause now I'm just havin' fun rilin' ya up." It was true; she got off on getting Buffy pissed sometimes. Something about it just got her going and she was already horny, so it was like a train barreling down the tracks at this point. There was no hope in stopping her.

"Fine, you want to have a war over this?" Buffy asked, though rather rhetorically since Faith could practically see the steam coming out of her ears now. "Then this is your fault. I'll get around you one way or another; _watch."_

Faith was just about to ask what was her fault, but she didn't get the chance. Buffy grabbed her shirt and pulled her towards her, her lips colliding with hers almost violently. Faith nearly had a stroke, at least that was until she realized why Buffy was doing it; to distract her. It nearly worked, but when Buffy tried to break the kiss and make a dash for the stairwell, which was now cleared, Faith grabbed her around the waist and pulled her back towards her. "Faith! Damnit—" Buffy tried to protest, annoyed that her plan didn't work as well as she had originally hoped, but she was silenced by Faith's lips pressing against hers again. Fuck it, if Buffy wanted play around like that, Faith was damn well going to get something out of it. Buffy opened the floodgates anyway, so it's not like she could be faulted in the end.

Buffy tried to push her off of her, but Faith only retaliated by kissing her harder, holding her more firmly. After a moment of struggling though, Buffy seemed to forget her plan all together as she parted her lips, allowing her inside for a taste. Faith knew the only reason Buffy wasn't kicking her ass from here to New York was because she was already horny, which she planned to take advantage of while she had the opportunity. Besides, the connection between them was almost crackling with electricity and it clouded Faith's mind to anything relatively sane – like not going down this fucked up road, for example – so she knew it must be doing that to Buffy too.

Faith had let go of her grip on Buffy to keep her there, but Buffy didn't move. Instead the blonde wrapped her arms around Faith's neck, sliding her fingers through her hair as she kissed her deeper, her body pressed so firmly into Faith's that she was sure she was about to fall backwards if she didn't keep her grip; which did eventually end up happening once she heard Buffy whimper softly against her lips. The sound was confirmation that this was really happening and it kind of threw her for a loop for a second.

Thankfully, Faith was able to stumble back a couple steps so her back landed against the wall instead of on the floor and she grabbed Buffy's shirt to take her with her. Their lips connected again, but only for a moment. Buffy broke the kiss finally, breathing heavy as she leaned her forehead against Faith's, eyes still closed. "Shit," she breathed. "That… wasn't supposed to happen."

"You started it," Faith breathed, keeping one hand on Buffy's hip. Buffy didn't move to get it off of her like she thought though; she just stayed there for a moment.

"Yeah, well… my plan involved 'kissing and running', not 'kissing and more kissing'. It was supposed to shock you enough so that I could get away. It seemed like a solid plan in my head at the time; however, obviously not one of my best."

"Yeah, figured that's what ya were tryin' to do," Faith replied, chuckling a little under her breath. "But nothin' really shocks me anymore after living on a couple hellmouths, so..." She kept expecting any minute for Buffy to get off of her and take off running, finally realizing what it was they had just done, but she stayed motionless. Almost _too_ motionless; it was like she was frozen in place, not really knowing what to do now.

Buffy slowly opened her eyes to look at Faith pressed up against the wall. The urge to just rip off Buffy's clothes was becoming more predominant, so she squeezed Buffy's hip to try to fight against it. Kissing was one thing, but if they fuck it's gonna open up a whole new can of worms that neither of them are ready to deal with. Buffy let out a shallow breath though when Faith squeezed, which didn't help matters any. Her eyes dropped to her lips and then back up to search Faith's eyes before her hand slid gently from her hair, down to her neck; caressing her skin as if mesmerized. Buffy didn't say or do anything else for a long time and Faith was starting to wonder if she broke her, until Buffy whispered a barely audible, "You're beautiful…"

Faith instantly stiffened. "What?" she asked, voice hardened; her defenses instantly taking over.

Buffy's eyes widened after she felt Faith tense. "What?" she repeated. Then realization set in and fear crossed her features, "Oh god, did I just say that out loud?" By the look on her face, Faith was sure Buffy was hoping the answer would be no. But it wasn't her lucky day; Faith had heard her loud and clear.

Why the fuck did Buffy have to go and ruin a good time by throwing_ that_ word around? Fuck that, she's not about to let herself be used by someone again. No wonder Buffy kissed her; fucking ulterior motives and shit. Well screw that.

Faith pushed her off of her gently, starting to walk away. "I gotta go," she told her dismissively.

"No, Faith, wait!" Buffy called out after her. She grabbed Faith's arm, but the brunette wrenches it out of her grasp, glaring at her. "Look, I'm sorry. I didn't—I don't know why I said that. I'm not… not _hitting_ on your or anything. I just… I don't know, it just popped into my head! I'm sorry."

Hitting on her wasn't the problem, but Faith wasn't about to tell her that because then Buffy would demand an explanation that Faith didn't want to give her. Some shit in her life is meant to stay private.

"I just… gotta go, okay? Ain't you, B," Faith lied, and by the look on Buffy's face she knew that she was lying. But it didn't matter. Faith retreated up the stairs anyway, leaving Buffy standing there not knowing what the hell just happened.

So that's why she was down in the basement again, hours later, drinking her problems away. It fucked her sideways, what Buffy said, just because it was _Buffy _who said it. For some reason, that bothered the hell out of her. Not that she didn't ever expect Buffy to use her, she expected that from anyone, but it bothered her that she would, at least more so than it did with anyone else.

Faith didn't know why though.

It was all a joke anyway; beauty. Even without all the shitty connotations that word held for her, Faith knew it was a lie. She was hot and sexy sure… but beautiful? Beauty was something different. It wasn't a nice rack and killer abs, it was something inside, and Faith knew what was inside of her was rotten. Hell, everyone knew that, so she didn't understand why anyone would even bother fucking lying to her face like that. It was insulting. Faith would never be beautiful; that was just the way it was.

There was no use pretending otherwise.

**- FIN -**


	3. Forgiveness

**003. Forgiveness**

Buffy never had such a mind-numbing fear of speaking until this moment.

She could lecture with the best of them, sure; she could even pump out a few 'Ra! Ra! Go Team!" speeches every now and then if she had to (which, let's face it; have been needed more often than not as of late). She could babble for hours with her friends, or spend forever passing down her experience and wisdom to the potentials. The fact of the matter was, Buffy Summers was never without an opinion that she was willing to share. Sure she could be a bit snarky at times, but that was part of her charm, right? Regardless, talking was the one thing she did best; which only stood to prove how entirely _backwards _this situation really was right now.

Buffy literally could not utter a word. It was as if her mouth just stopped working all together, which honestly wouldn't be that much of a surprise seeing as her brain apparently stopped functioning properly about an hour ago. And fine, then she probably didn't need the use of her mouth other than to make barely indistinguishable vowel sounds; but now? Talking was needed. Talking was _definitely _needed, and yet for the first time in her life Buffy was too scared to share her opinion on what could possibly be defined as a life altering event.

She couldn't even _begin _to count the ways this could go wrong. God, she couldn't even begin to count the reasons this should have never happened in the first place; the last thing any of them needed were distractions.

Buffy probably looked like an idiot as she lay in her bed, clutching the sheets to her naked body as she watched Faith carefully put her clothes back on. It was obvious she was still in pain after nearly blowing herself into Slayer bits, which probably accounted to why the sex was absolutely nothing like Buffy expected. Faith always exuded raw sexual energy and Buffy had always entertained the idea that if something like this was to ever happen, that Faith would take her exactly how she took life: fast, hard, and without a thought to the consequences.

It was nothing like that though. Granted, Faith's body was still healing but there was just something in the way that she touched her… Buffy couldn't put her finger on it, but it sure didn't seem like it was just another fuck to her. Maybe it was just because the two of them had danced around the issue for what seemed like ages and there was a bit of a 'finally' to the factor, or maybe it was just because neither of them really thought that they would live out the rest of the week, let alone live long enough for this to actually become something that warranted a serious conversation somewhere down the line. The war was coming faster than they were prepared for and even with the added bonus of the scythe, Buffy couldn't help but feel like they all were just waiting to be swallowed whole.

Maybe that was part of the reason why she did it; the whole imminent death and unresolved issues factor. Faith finally opened up a little – something Buffy had waited years for – and then suddenly her tongue was in her mouth and her clothes were falling to the floor. Buffy knew it was her fault; she was the one that made the first move, but it wasn't like Faith protested either.

It's something she never thought she would do in a million years, but when you're facing certain death there's always going to be that part of you that wants to make things right before you go. Maybe having sex wasn't the best option available, but she figured it was a language Faith was more familiar with. Buffy could tell her until she was blue in the face that she had forgiven her; that all this bitterness and anger between them just wasn't worth it anymore, but somehow she thought Faith would receive it better if it was shown, rather than voiced out loud. Faith never had been much of a talker.

That, and Buffy just _really _wanted to see what it would be like before she died.

Part of her had always known that they'd end up here eventually. All the teasing, all the crude comments; Faith loved riling her up, especially when they were teenagers. The problem was, Buffy wasn't entirely sure Faith knew what she was doing back then. The truth was that she ended up pushing Buffy headfirst into a spiral of self-doubt and confusion; forcing her to realize that she was attracted to a girl. It was much too soon for her to admit that though and so all it ended up doing was make Buffy grow angry with her as she retreated back into her little closet of misery and solitude. And well, we all know what happened when she started to push Faith away, don't we?

Buffy liked to blame Faith for it all; that if Faith had just been honest with her about things that maybe none of the bad stuff would have ever happened. But looking back on it, Buffy was pretty sure that Faith was also wigging out a bit about being attracted to a girl; she expressed it far differently. She pushed the limits whereas Buffy ran from them. For all of Faith's bragging about her sexual exploits, she never once said anything about any of them being with another woman. It made Buffy wonder if she was her first, but the last thing she wanted to do was ask; the awkwardness was already beginning to make itself present in the room.

At least Buffy wasn't the only one not speaking. After it was all said and done, it seemed neither of them knew exactly how to proceed without this turning into World War… what were her and Faith on now; six? The two of them never did know how to express their emotions in a healthy manner, so maybe it was for the best that they weren't talking about what they just did; it would probably turn into another fight. Besides, Buffy was pretty sure she was still in shock that it actually_ happened_ in the first place, which was probably the big reason as to why there were a complete lack of words coming out of her mouth at the moment, when usually she was so fluent with them.

Faith turned as she felt Buffy move from the bed to gather up her clothes. Buffy's back was facing her, but she could feel Faith's eyes on her as she bent down to retrieve her shirt. Maybe it was juvenile, especially after what they had just done, but Buffy couldn't stop the slight blush from forming on her cheeks as she fumbled around, hastily trying to get dressed.

"Already seen what you're packin', B," Faith said suddenly, breaking the long stretch of silence. "No reason to be embarrassed about it now."

"I'm not embarrassed," Buffy retorted sharply as she threw her shirt on over her head, pulling it down so quickly that she was sure she just heard a seam tear. She paused though, realizing how she just sounded; sometimes it was just easier to slip into bitch mode when she was around Faith. It seemed far simpler than dealing with what was really going on. "Sorry," she apologized softly, turning around to catch Faith's eye. "I guess I just wasn't expecting this when I walked in here. Trying to deal."

"And here I thought you were Little Miss Plan of Action with the way ya practically jumped me," Faith replied, trying to lighten the tension with a joke. All it did though was make Buffy flush a deep crimson as she looked away from her, pulling on her jeans.

"I'm sorry," she mumbled, feeling really stupid all of a sudden. Hi, brain? This is Buffy; she would have appreciated the heads up on how utterly retarded her decision making skills were today before she went and had sex with her once mortal enemy. It would have saved her the embarrassment.

"I'm not."

That statement made Buffy turn back around to look at her, surprised. She never thought Faith would admit to that. Faith seemed to realize how that could be construed a bit too late though, so she tried to cover it up with a nonchalant shrug and a half-assed explanation. "Y'know; cause the orgasm didn't suck, or whatever. After everything that went down, kinda needed it."

Buffy resisted the urge to roll her eyes as she turned back around, fixing her jeans from bunching up as she shook her head, sighing quietly. Neither of them were ever going to admit that there was more to it than that, so what's the point? "Glad to be of service then," Buffy responded dryly. She didn't mean to sound so bitter, but it just came out.

"Nah, B, I didn't mean—" Faith started, but stopped herself halfway through, matching Buffy's sigh with one of her own. She seemed to have come to the same conclusion so she finished with, "Just forget it." She pushed the covers forward so she could settle back into Buffy's bed, seemingly intent on continuing her bed rest. It was probably the smartest decision of the afternoon; Faith would need all her strength for the big fight.

Even though it was expected, Buffy was frustrated by Faith's utter lack of caring. "Don't you even want to know _why?" _she asked before she could stop herself. It didn't make any sense to her; if the positions were reversed Buffy would want to know why a woman who could barely stand her presence most days was suddenly ripping her clothes off. The last thing she wanted to do was get into this, especially now, but somehow in all this mess Buffy realized her feelings were hurt. She wasn't sure why but then again, nothing that involved Faith ever seemed logical.

"I know why," Faith told her, leaning against the headboard as she propped one knee up, resting her elbow on top of it. The movement and position were so casual that it was slightly irritating. That was one thing that always bugged Buffy about Faith; no matter what the situation, she always had this knack of using her body language to show that she couldn't care less about what was going on. Faith wasn't the best actress in the world by any means so most of the time Buffy could see right through it, but that didn't make it any less annoying when Faith put up her walls.

"You think so, do you?" Buffy challenged, interested in hearing her theory. She knew she was getting snappy again but that was the way _she_ put up her walls. If Faith was closing herself off, there was no reason Buffy should sit there and be an open book just for her benefit.

"You look out the window lately, B?" Faith responded, gesturing at the outdoors with one hand sarcastically. "It's the end of the fuckin' world. Chances are neither of us are gettin' out of this one alive so it's time to start scratchin' shit off our bucket lists; now or never."

Buffy arched an eyebrow as she scoffed, "You think that having sex with you was on my list of things I needed to do before I die? Your cockiness never ceases to disappoint, does it?" It was an asshole thing to say, especially when what Faith said was true, but Buffy still wasn't sure she wanted her to know the extent of her feelings.

"Was more thinkin' along the lines that you wanted to get laid one more time before ya bit the dust. And since you stopped screwing Undead Wonderboy downstairs, I figure you were just takin' it where you knew you could get it."

That wasn't the answer Buffy was expecting at all. "You thought I _knew _I could have you?" she asked in disbelief. It sounded so ridiculous when it was said out loud.

Sure, she had entertained the possibility that once upon a time Faith might have had feelings for her, but before they ended up in bed together she didn't know that deep down Faith still harbored some of them. After everything that had happened between them, Buffy thought it would be impossible. She already thought _herself_ insane because even when she wanted to beat Faith within an inch of her life, she still had the screwed up urge to rip off her clothes and lick every inch of her skin.

Then again, Faith has never been the picture of sanity either, so she shouldn't be all too surprised.

But it was ridiculous because the immense feeling of fear when she first kissed Faith was like nothing she had ever known; it was like her brain had took a vacation momentarily and finally checked back in once she had already thrown herself halfway into shit. She was afraid Faith was going to push her off and then laugh in her face for being stupid enough to think that she could just take whatever she wanted. That didn't happen obviously, but for a split second Buffy was completely terrified and already halfway on the road to a mental breakdown.

"Don't bother actin' all surprised to spare my feelings, Twinkie. I know I'm a slut; been with enough people to prove that theory years ago," Faith answered, trying to make it sound like it didn't bother her. Maybe once it didn't, but Faith had changed a lot over the last couple years and was finally being forced to take a good, long look at herself. It was obvious she didn't like what she saw.

Faith still tried to act like the same old her to some extent though; the smirks, the swagger, and the cockiness that sometimes bordered on outright narcissism, but it was so much easier to see through the façade now. Buffy wondered sometimes why she even bothered trying when her self-worth was obviously shot to hell and back, but that was Faith for you: always putting on acts up until the very end, just so she doesn't have to face reality.

"Besides," Faith added with a smirk. "Massive skills here; had to be the obvious choice outta everyone in this house. Call it a load of crap if ya want, but experience always wins out in the end, especially when it _is _the end. I mean, do ya really wanna have your last roll in the sack be a bunch of fumbling and stupidity? No," she answered for her. "Besides, who am I to deny myself the duty of giving Buffy Summers the last orgasm of her life?" She shot her this annoying little grin that Buffy couldn't help rolling her eyes at.

Yup, and there was that cockiness Buffy had been waiting for.

"I didn't sleep with you because you were the most _experienced_, you idiot," Buffy retorted, annoyed that she really thought that was the reason. Faith could be so thick sometimes that Buffy often wondered how she even managed to function.

"Oh yeah? Well why don't you fuckin' enlighten me then since you seem to know everything," Faith shot back, clearly pissed off that she was just called an idiot. Buffy knew it was going to come to this; an argument. Everything between them always did in the end, it seemed. But Faith was right about one thing: it was the end of the world and the possibility of them coming out at the end of it all was slim to none. So if there ever was a time to do this, it was now.

"I just—" Buffy started, sounding incredibly frustrated as she ran her fingers through her hair. "God, I don't know! I guess I was just trying to let you know that I forgive you, but since you seem so content on wallowing in your own shit I guess it shouldn't be a surprise that you weren't able to take it that way."

"Seems to me like stickin' your tongue halfway up my cunt is a funny way of showing forgiveness," Faith retorted, making Buffy flinch from her use of the C word. "I ain't an expert or anything, but last I checked most people used their words to get that shit across."

"Oh, because you're Miss Conversational all of a sudden?" Buffy responded heatedly. "Excuse me for trying to put something in terms I _assumed _you would understand."

"I don't understand a damn thing about _any _of this, Buffy!" Faith exclaimed suddenly, finally admitting her confusion. It only seemed to make her angrier that she admitted that though and she started ranting at her. "I get that it's the fuckin' end of the world and everything; and I also know that ten to one, when the smoke clears we won't be the ones left standin'. And ya know what? I'm fine with that. What I'm _not _fine with though is you spewing all this bullshit about forgiveness just because it's the end of the line for us. Newsflash, B: when we're dead ain't anything gonna matter anymore."

"Well maybe not, but it matters to me now!" Buffy shouted, beyond frustrated with how much effort Faith put into pulling away from her. "Maybe you're not asking for or even _want _forgiveness, but I needed to let you know that I had. The guilt I liked to hold over your head felt justified once, but now it just feels vindictive because even if I didn't want to see it at first, it's obvious how much you've changed. I mean, you may still be a pig-headed, arrogant, asshole, but I didn't expect you to come out of this whole redemption deal perfect."

Faith looked like she had a retort to that but Buffy wouldn't let her get a word in; she wasn't finished. "But you're here with us now – fighting the good fight and willing to die for it. That's a significant improvement from years past, I'd say. Things aren't ever going to be perfect between us, Faith; there was too much damage done by both sides to ever come out of this having a healthy friendship or… otherwise." She stumbled over that last word and went on quickly, hoping Faith didn't notice her slip. "But I've wasted too much energy hating you and frankly with everything else going on; it kind of put my anger in serious perspective. Yeah, bad stuff happened; fine, but it seems bad stuff always happens to us because we're Slayers. We just have to take it in stride and move on because a Slayer stuck on pause is always the first one to die."

"So you fucked me to ensure your survival?" Faith asked with a smirk, once again not able to handle a serious conversation so she turned it into something she could deal with: humor. Buffy wondered if Faith knew how transparent she was or if she really believed she had everyone fooled.

Buffy rolled her eyes. "Sure, Faith; I slept with you because the orgasms you gave me made me indestructible."

Faith chuckled, holding out her arms in a cocky manner. "Hey, it is what it is. I got skills; no point in denying it." Buffy half expected her to brush her shoulder off after that display, but was thankful she didn't. That would have been beyond ridiculous.

Buffy shook her head, a little amused despite herself. Faith would always be Faith, there was no changing that. But this was likely the last mildly serious conversation the two of them would ever have, so she felt like she needed to be honest. It may be her last chance, after all.

"Faith, as much skill as you may or may not have; it wasn't a deciding factor when I slept with you. And if I'm going to be honest, it wasn't really about forgiveness either," Buffy admitted, feeling a little nervous about how this could end up turning out. But she forced herself to suppress the urge to just run away, to forget this ever happened and continued, "I wanted you to know I forgave you, but you were right; there were other ways to express that that involved a lot more clothes."

Faith noticeably froze when she realized where this conversation was going, but she didn't immediately start running for the door like Buffy expected. That had to be a plus, at least. Faith just sat there, unmoving and unspeaking as she stared at her, keeping her face relatively expressionless. Buffy smoothed her hands out on the blanket to attempt to give off the illusion that they weren't shaking as she waited for Faith to respond. After a moment, Buffy realized Faith wasn't planning on saying anything at all until she was finished.

Taking a breath to somehow give her some false sense of encouragement, she told her, "I know I come off as the fearless leader when I talk to the potentials, but the truth is I don't know if any of us are going to make it out of this alive. You were right when you said I did it because it was the end of the world, but it wasn't for a last orgasm." Buffy pursed her lips and looked down at the blanket, not wanting to see Faith's face as she finished, "So I slept with you because if I am going to die, I want to do it without any regrets. I didn't get that chance last time."

Faith was silent for an unusually long time. Buffy held her breath and waited, still not having the courage to look at her. She picked at the blankets self-consciously as she allowed Faith time to process what she just said; she figured it was a lot to take in. Finally Faith asked, genuinely sounding confused, "Wait… so fuckin' me _was_ on your bucket list?"

Buffy laughed; she couldn't help it. It was probably nervous laughter, but it came out nonetheless. "I guess so, yeah." She continued to pick at the blankets, trying to distract her from the fact that Faith still hasn't voiced her opinion the subject.

"_Why?"_ Faith asked, still sounding confused and now a little defensive. Buffy sighed, putting her head in her hands and massaging her scalp with her fingers to try to stall her forthcoming headache. She should have known Faith wouldn't understand without it being spelt out for her.

"Because I felt— I mean, I do sort of still… _feel _things for you," Buffy tried, still refusing to look at her; so much for her being a mature adult about this. "They're confusing things but they've still always been… _things;_ under the surface of everything else. Like bugs, or something. " This was coming out completely awkward and as much as Buffy wished she would just shut up, her urge to clarify herself so she doesn't sound like a retard was stronger. "No, not like bugs; ignore that, that was a stupid comparison because you don't make my skin _crawl _or anything. You—"

She let out an aggravated sigh, she was saying everything wrong. She took a breath, trying again. "Okay, what I was_ trying_ to say was that I think maybe that was part of the reason I hated you so much, you know? Because you… confused me. I mean, the whole turning evil thing did fuel a lot of it, I'm not saying it didn't, just… even before all that. You came to Sunnydale and completely turned my world upside down; I didn't even know who I was anymore and that scared me, so I got angry with you instead. I had enough going on back then and didn't want to deal with a major lifestyle change that involved wearing birkenstocks and going to Indigo Girls concerts, so I figured pushing you away was the easier solution." She paused, then admitted, "Obviously it only made things more messed up for both of us, so score zero for Buffy's intelligence."

Buffy hadn't realized how silent Faith had been until she finished her little ramble, but now that silence seemed to deafen her. She had expected a lot of different reactions from Faith, but getting nothing from her wasn't among them; after all, she wasn't exactly the type to keep her opinions to herself. After what seemed like forever though, Faith finally spoke.

"B, just cause you wanted to fuck a girl didn't mean you had to wear birkenstocks and listen to shitty music."

That made Buffy finally look up at her, disbelief written all over her face. "My God, do you _purposely _miss the point all the time to drive me insane, or have you really become the slowest human being on the planet?"

"I got what you were saying, Buffy; I'm not stupid," Faith retorted. "But I don't—fuck, what do you want me to say? You can't just lay that shit out for me when we're on death row; that's totally fucked up!"

"Well when else was I going to tell you?" Buffy exclaimed, trying not to sound hurt since this isn't going smoothly in the slightest. "Between you going evil and being in jail, we haven't exactly had a lot of time for girl talk!"

"You could have fuckin' visited me in jail, for one!" Faith shouted.

"We both know that you would have taken one look at me on the other side of that glass and walked away."

"Christ, you sit here and call me an idiot, yet look at you!" Faith exclaimed, pointing at her accusingly. "There wasn't a goddamn day that passed in there that I didn't fuckin' wish you'd come. In case you forgot, the entire reason I even went in there in the first place was because _you _wanted me to! It made me think that maybe you'd actually wanna try to work some of this shit out if there was bulletproof glass between us, but I quickly came to realize that the only reason you wanted me in there was so I'd be out of your fuckin' way."

"That's not why I wanted you in there!" Buffy protested, not believing she really thought that. "I wanted you to get better; everything else I tried up until then seemed to only make you worse and I was just desperate for it all to be over. I was out of options at that point and completely fed up with all of your shit. You stole my _body,_ which, hi; not exactly an easy thing to get over. I mean, you trying to sleep with Angel and_ actually_ sleeping with Riley was violating enough, but taking my body took violation to a whole other level that took me ages to deal with. Seriously, if I could have afforded therapy I would have been sending you the bill."

Faith stared at her, jaw locked when Buffy started bringing up the past. It looked like she was trying not to allow herself to argue which Buffy was glad for because really, after all of that, she didn't have any place to. It used to be so automatic with Faith; defending herself. It really was a sign that she's changed that she held back her words because she knew she didn't have an excuse.

So instead of arguing, Faith swallowed the lump in her throat and said, "I don't know what you want me to say, B… I'm so fuckin'—" her voice cracked under a sudden burst of emotion and she swallowed her apology, back to clenching her jaw again. It was obvious she didn't want to cry about it; Faith was never big on showing weakness. That and she didn't look certain that Buffy wouldn't still beat her to death if she heard it.

"I know," Buffy said softly, letting out a breath. "I know you're sorry; I wouldn't have forgiven you if you weren't." Faith didn't say anything; she still looked like she was trying to fight to get a handle on her emotions. "I knew from the moment I saw you at Angel's that you were; it was written all over your face. I was just… too angry to care then. I don't need an apology, but I think part of me wants to know _why _you did everything you did."

Faith looked up then, making eye contact with her. She looked surprised that she even asked that and Buffy clarified, "I mean, I understood you turning to the mayor; you have abandonment issues written all over you and he was the only one who ever showed he cared, even if his level of caring was… well, not normal," Buffy edited, for Faith's sake. As messed up as it was, the Mayor was as close to a father figure as Faith ever had. "And I know it was our fault for not including you, but I wasn't the only one that screwed up in that area. And yet everything…" she took a breath, not wanting to get emotional either. If Faith wasn't going to cry, she damn sure wasn't going to either. "Everything you did, everything that you purposely messed with to get your kicks _always_… Faith, it nearly always had to do with me. And I get that I hurt you, I'm not pretending I didn't; I know I was too wrapped up in my own life to care about anyone else's, but half the time I couldn't help but wonder why it seemed to always be about me when everyone else… they ignored you just as much as I did."

Faith stared at her for a moment, chewing on the inside of her cheek. She looked more uncomfortable with this than the attempted apology. "I never thought you ignored me, B," she said finally, her voice soft. Buffy looked surprised as she continued, "I mean, yeah, we didn't hang out all the time or anything, but I never had any real friends when I was younger or anything to compare it to; I've always been kind of a loner. I honestly was fine just kickin' it with you to train and slay. And yeah, if we ended up Bronzin' it after I wasn't gonna bitch about it. I couldn't give a damn back then about your friends; was jealous that you had people that gave a shit, yeah; but it wasn't a big priority of mine to get them to like me cause I was too busy havin' my eye on something else."

Buffy looked at her, confused. If she wasn't angry with how they practically used her as an expendable Slayer, than what was she mad at?

"Look, okay," Faith tried to explain, never having been good at the whole talking thing. "SunnyD? That wasn't supposed to be the end of the road for me. After we wasted Kakistos, I planned to be up and gone the next morning. Just figured I'd be a traveling Slayer, or something. Didn't matter; point was that I wasn't planning on staying for an extended period of time. But I did, cause… y'know; I liked you. It was fuckin' ridiculous because we couldn't even be more opposite and yet I loved more than anything that I finally had someone that like… actually _understood _my life. And even though we only really hung out to slay or train, it didn't matter cause those were the days I looked forward to. I was never one to overdo the shit that made me feel good, cause I figured they'd stop feeling special after awhile."

"Yet you were promiscuous," Buffy deadpanned, not seeing her logic in the slightest.

Faith shook her head, trying to make her understand. "Sex is different, B. That's a basic human need. I didn't feel special when it happened because we were always just two strangers using each other." Buffy continued to stare at her, so Faith got to her point. "Okay so, here I was, right? Liking you and shit, enjoying the time we spent together, whatever. But then… something changed."

"Are you talking about when you found out Angel was back?" Buffy asked, trying to follow what Faith was trying to say. Faith shook her head.

"Nah, before that. I liked you, right? But then I started to, fuck, I dunno…_ like_ you," Faith admitted, for the first time looking a little embarrassed. She looked down at the blanket as she continued to explain quickly, like she knew she wouldn't get it all out if she didn't go fast, "And y'know, me and emotions don't work very well; never really dealt with them. So it wasn't the fact that you were a chick that had me screwed up in the head because I figured same shit, different equipment, y'know? Not exactly rocket science. But it just… was fuckin' frustrating. I ain't never liked anyone before, not really anyway, and the first time I actually find that I give half a shit about someone else, it turned out to be someone with the wrong sexual orientation. That blew."

Buffy nodded. This wasn't exactly news to her since she did have a feeling Faith liked her back then, but she still didn't understand why that made her a target. So she stayed quiet and let Faith explain.

"But you know me; still tried anyway. But it sucked; I wouldn't try hard enough cause I started gettin' all freaked out that if you knew I wanted to get down and dirty with you that you'd flip your shit and I'd lose the only friend I ever had. But… then you said yeah about going to Homecoming with me and I thought that maybe you finally got where I was coming from."

Buffy's face masked with guilt when she remembered that night; even when she did finish fighting for her and Cordelia's life, she didn't give Faith the time of day. So basically, in Faith's mind, she got ignored all throughout her first date. _Great. "_I didn't know you meant for it to be a…" Buffy started, trailing off and biting her lower lip. "Faith, I'm sorry. But in my defense, the way you proposed it; getting two guys there to use and ditch, didn't exactly make it sound like a date."

"Course it didn't sound like one, I wasn't stupid," Faith replied. "If I had asked you out on a real date you would have freaked out. So I figured that if I could just get you there, maybe I could've like, I don't know, persuaded you into seeing it as a date? I don't know, it sounds stupid. I've never been on a date in my whole life, yet somehow I thought I was smooth enough to actually pull that crap off. I guess in my head I apparently thought it would work because I pawned a bunch of crap just to get that stupid dress and a corsage for you. And I get slaying business, B; you do what you gotta do and try not to get killed in the process, so I ain't ridin' on you for showing up wicked late. But even after you were done wasting those damn assassins, you didn't even bother to say_ hi_ to me. Not gonna lie; after awhile I wanted to take my damn dress off and strangle you with it. That was bullshit."

Buffy couldn't even imagine what that would feel like; to have the first person she ever bothered to ask out on a date not even know it was one and worse, end up being ignored all night long. But the thing was, Faith was right: if she had asked her out on a proper date she probably would have freaked out. It was hard enough to deal with the fact that she liked Faith and that she was a _girl,_ but for it to actually go somewhere? She would have never been able to deal with that at all, at least not back then.

"I'm really sorry…" was all Buffy could think to say.

Faith shrugged it off, trying to mask the hurt on her face from the memory of it. "Whatever; live and learn, y'know? Besides, not like it stopped me any, just fuckin' hurt like hell." She shook her head then, sighing. "I don't know why I'm telling you all this. Go figure that 'tie up loose ends before you die' kick you got going on right now is contagious. I feel like I'm on an episode of Oprah."

"The point," Buffy reiterated softly before Faith totally shut down again now that she actually realized how deep she was actually going, "was for you to tell me why; why you always wanted to hurt me so bad over everyone else."

"You still don't get it?" Faith asked, now looking at her like she was the one that was slow. Buffy shook her head. "B… everything I fuckin' did to you when I cracked and went bat shit; tryin' to fuck Angel, actually screwing Riley, hurting your friends… I did that stuff cause I was pissed they had you and I couldn't. I didn't fuckin' get it. We were the only two Slayers in the world; I assumed that meant that we were like… I dunno, _meant _for each other or whatever. And I figured that if I took everything you loved, that you'd eventually have to love me back cause I would be all that's left."

Buffy stared at her, not even beginning to understand what Faith just said and how it was logical by any means. "That makes a complete sense that is _none_, Faith. You serious believed that hurting me was the best way to win me over? Did you also happen to be experimenting with _drugs _at that point in your life, by any chance?"

"Look, I know it's fucked up but I was stark nuts then, B. At the time it made perfect sense. And I know my jacked up logic during the time where I shoulda been strapped down in a padded room isn't an excuse, so don't think I'm making one. You just asked why and I'm trying to tell you; figure it's the least I can do after totally destroying your life."

Buffy stared at her, wishing that Faith telling her that would have allowed her some kind of closure, but it didn't. The fact was she's never been clinically insane, so the chances of her ever understanding insane-Faith's logic were slim to none. She understands that_ Faith_ was doing something that she thought made sense at the time, but because Buffy didn't get it she still felt like she was being robbed of an explanation. "You had to have at least known you were hurting me," Buffy finally said, refusing to believe that she didn't.

"I did," Faith confirmed softly, starting to compulsively rub her hands as this conversation made her more anxious. "I didn't really care. 'You hurt me; I hurt you' kind of logic. And it's so fucked cause I didn't even get that you weren't trying to hurt me until I was locked up in the state pen, when I actually could stop and think for a minute about, fuck, _everything._ You didn't know I liked you, so the fact that I felt so goddamn rejected by you didn't even make sense. I thought you were flaunting Angel in my face, which pissed me off too. But I guess I just had this deluded view of what my first love was gonna be like and when it didn't go down like that at all I just… wanted to keep believing that it would if I just tried harder at getting your attention."

Buffy stared at her, knowing that she should probably remind Faith how much that_ insanely_ doesn't make sense, but her brain seemed to only be focusing on one thing. "I was your first love?" she asked quietly. She was surprised; a crush was one thing, but love… that was another thing entirely. Buffy didn't even… well, what she felt for her was complicated. But Faith, she tried so hard to not feel at all that it was shocking that she would even admit to_ herself_ that she felt that, let alone to someone else.

Faith stared at her, setting her jaw; she was putting up her walls again. Buffy could have sworn Faith just _glared _at her before she turned away to look out the window. "Look B, this has been… well, the sex was great, this whole heart-to-heart thing kinda sucked; but I gotta pass out and finish up this whole bullshit healing process. Cause if D-Day comes around and I end up dyin' before I can take the son of a bitch down with me, I'll be _righteously _pissed off."

Buffy just sat there and stared at her, hoping that Faith would at least have the decency to look her in the eye, but she didn't. "You're an idiot," she told her flatly._ That_ made Faith look at her.

"Excuse you?"

"This is probably the last time we'll ever be able to talk like this; more than likely for the rest of our lives, both of which have the very strong possibility of ending next Tuesday."

"Why Tuesday?"

Buffy ignored her, that wasn't the point. "And just because you're feeling insecure you want to run away from it? 'Coward' isn't really your color, Faith."

"What the hell do you want me to say? You come in here out of freaking _nowhere _and decide today's the day you're gonna screw my brains out. Then if that wasn't fucked up enough, you drop this bomb on me that somewhere in your warped mind; you actually give a shit about me in like… this real fuckin' way. Which probably means you're a masochist, but that's your own therapeutic issue. And you know, it's complete _crap,_ Buffy, because it all means nothing since we're probably gonna fuckin' _die_ next week!" Faith shouted, getting more furious with her as she spoke each word.

Buffy tried to respond, but Faith wouldn't let her. "I have spent so goddamn long trying to get over you because I thought I was making all this shit up in my head but hey, it turns out that apparently you _did _want to get into my pants back in the day – you were just too much of a pussy to do anything about it!"

"Faith, that's not fair…"

"Isn't it?" Faith snapped, really angry now. "B, you don't fuckin' get how much this _sucks _for me right now, alright? It's like the universe is laughing in my face; all I wanted for what seemed like forever was you. Then you land in my lap out of nowhere, right when we're both about to be taken out by some massive apocalypse? That's so fuckin'…" she struggled for the term, but just ended up growling in frustration before she banged her head against the wall, closing her eyes and sighing in defeat as she finished quietly, "what I deserve. It's so what I fuckin' deserve it's not even funny."

Buffy pursed her lips as she watched Faith's face mask in distress. Buffy knew that this wasn't happening because the universe was trying to punish her, but she didn't say anything because she knew it was _her _fault for waiting so long to say anything. Part of her couldn't help but think that maybe if she wasn't so terrified back then, maybe if she had just given Faith a chance, that none of this would have ever happened. She knew she shouldn't be blaming herself, but if there really was even the slightest chance that doing that would turn everything around, she wished she could go back in time and take it.

"Then don't die," Buffy finally told her. That made Faith open her eyes to look at her, one eyebrow raised as she stared at her like she was insane.

"What?"

"I told you when I first met you that the first rule of slaying is 'don't die'," Buffy told her seriously. "So don't die, Faith."

"Yeah, cause it's really that fuckin' simple when we got the mother of all apocalypses, lead by the daddy of all _evil _loomin' over our heads," Faith said sarcastically.

"It_ is_ that simple, Faith. You either die or you don't; so do yourself a favor and don't fucking die, okay?" Buffy replied, her tone growing louder to better convince Faith of her rather simplistic way of looking at it. "If you really think the universe is playing games with you, then don't let it; fight back."

"Says the woman who was so convinced that she was going to die earlier that just she fucked the one person she knows she shouldn't have, just because she won't have to deal with the repercussions later."

"Okay, _fine,"_ Buffy snapped, growing annoyed. "Maybe the only reason I did what I did, and said what I said, was because I thought this was the end. But you know what? I changed my mind."

"You changed your mind," Faith repeated slowly, dryly.

"Yeah," Buffy told her simply. "I'm not going to die. When this whole thing goes down, I'm coming out of it alive. Sitting here and looking at everything so pessimistically is only going to assure that we _will _die; we'll get it in our heads that it's meant to happen and like willing sheep we'll allow the First to—"

"Ass rape us," Faith interrupted, cutting her off.

"That was a little more graphic than what I was thinking, but fine; we'll go with that," Buffy replied, making a face at the disturbing visual that popped into her head; especially since the First was so keen on using the image of her lately. "So are you going to just lie down and take it, or are you going to actually fight for the chance to make something out of your life?"

Faith stared at her, torn between skepticism and optimism. "Don't get preachy at me, B; I'm not the recruits. Been through an apocalypse or two in my time and I'm sorry that you hate the fact that it's made me more realistic about our survival chances, but it has and you know what? Right now it's lookin' like we're gonna get fuckin' slaughtered."

Buffy's hand connected with Faith's cheek so fast that the sound echoed through the room. Faith looked at her in disbelief, not believing that she just slapped her. "Don't. Die," Buffy repeated seriously, not wanting to hear Faith's stupid survival statistics.

"Did you seriously just _slap_ me like some pansy ass girl?" Faith asked, still stuck on the fact that Buffy bitched slapped her instead of just punching her in the face, like usual.

"Yes, and I'll do it again if you don't start listening to me."

"Yeah, because after getting my face beat in so many times, your girly little slap terrifies the shit out of me," Faith responded with heavy sarcasm. So Buffy slapped her again.

Only this time it was much, much harder.

"Okay, what the _fuck!"_ Faith shouted as she cradled her cheek in her hand, looking at Buffy like she was an asshole for taking advantage of her 'don't hit the good guys' policy she's had since she got into town. Maybe it was shitty of her, but Buffy didn't care. "That one actually fuckin' hurt, B!"

"Then maybe you should start listening to me," Buffy told her, no sympathy in her voice. If Faith didn't want to get slapped, then maybe she shouldn't go around trying to suck all the happy out of the room with her stupid statistics. "Look," she told her seriously as she covered Faith's hand with hers, hoping that the physical contact would get her to listen, "the last time I died, it actually stuck for awhile. And since I've been back, you haven't done anything to piss me off."

"What does that have to do with anything?" Faith asked, not seeing what Buffy's point was at all. Her fingers moved just briefly, nervously, underneath Buffy's hand, but she didn't move.

"I got a chance to start over; I think it's only fair that you get to too. So," Buffy explained, hoping she wasn't about to make a complete ass out of herself, "anything that happened before I died won't be a deciding factor if you do end up surviving this battle and want to… you know… _try again."_

Faith stared at her blankly.

Buffy sighed, "Do I really have to spell everything out for you all the time?"

"No, hold on; wait," Faith said, shaking her head and holding up her hand to signal Buffy to stop talking. "Number one, you didn't get a chance to start over when you came back from the dead; you just kept right on living your old life. Number two, you can't just tell me you'll forget everything I did to you; that's fucked up."

"_Okay,"_ Buffy responded, mocking her a little bit as she repeated her numbers. "Number one, my second chance was actually physical; Willow's spell fixed everything that was ever wrong with me inside since, I don't know, she had to rebuild from decayed organs? I don't know the details; all I know is that I felt like I had a totally different body when I came back. It felt… new. I don't know, it's just going to get weird if I try to explain it. Anyway, my point is that since I don't have the power to fix your alcohol soaked liver or your tar-filled lungs; I figured this was a decent substitute."

Faith narrowed her eyes at Buffy's assessment of her organs, but let her finish.

"Number two, I didn't say I'd forget, I just said it wouldn't be a deciding factor. Meaning if you finally do decide to grow a pair and ask me on that long overdue date, I won't say no just because of what happened in our past. I'll give you a chance; like a real, no bullshit chance here to try and… I don't know; sweep me off my feet or what have you." She paused, scrunching up her face in distain. "God, that didn't sound half as superior in my head, sorry. I just didn't know how else to word it, I didn't mean to make it sound like I'm giving you the biggest opportunity of your life or something." Great, and now she was babbling to try to distract Faith from her stupidity; this isn't going to end well. "I mean, I don't even know if you're still interested in even getting somewhat involved with me because it'll probably end in tears… probably a fist fight… possibly even an apocalypse. But then again, most of my relationships do so at least you'll know it won't be personal if it happens; I'm just cursed that way. I—"

"Jesus _Christ,"_ Faith interrupted, slapping a hand over Buffy's mouth to stop her from speaking. "That's not as adorable as everyone tells you it is," Faith informs her, however not able to stop herself from smirking slightly, amused. "And I get what you're offerin', and I get how completely fucked it'll probably all end if we ever do get together."

Buffy pursed her lips underneath her hand, not liking the way she said that.

"I like you, B; I do. A lot. Fuck, probably a whole shitload more than a lot since we're on that whole end of the world honesty kick; but this is too much serious talk for what's goin' on right now."

"Oh," Buffy said once Faith allowed her hand to leave her lips, trying not to sound disappointed. "Okay, no, I… understand."

Faith sighed heavily, "Look, I'm not… sayin' that wouldn't be fucking great, because it would be. But we're staring death in the face right now and even if we do get out of this apocalypse in one piece, you might think twice about your offer once the dust settles."

"I want to _try,"_ Buffy told her honestly. "For a long time my hate kept me from seeing if there was anything real between us, or if I was just being a stupid teenager with a crush. But I don't have the effort to hate you anymore, Faith. I've died twice and came back; I don't think I'll be so lucky the third time. I'm done wasting my life dwelling on the past; I've forgiven you and I want to move forward."

Faith looked at her for a long time, seemingly contemplating what sounded like an impossible wish. Finally she asked, "Can we just… leave it as forgiveness for right now? I spent the better part of four years convinced that you hated the air I _breathed;_ I need some time to… get used to the fact that you don't want to stab me every time I come into a room. And if we both survive then I guess… I dunno, we'll take it from there."

It wasn't like Faith to be overly cautious and yet here she was, doing just that; another sign she was starting to finally grow up. Buffy couldn't penalize her for that, even though it wasn't exactly what she wanted to hear.

"Okay," she told her quietly, unable to resist the urge to lean in and kiss her softly on the lips. When they broke, Buffy kept her face close to hers, giving her a half smile as she brushed a single lock of brown hair away from Faith's eye's. "Forgiveness… it's a start."

And it was a start. But if it was up to Buffy, it definitely wouldn't be the end.

**- FIN -**


	4. Regret

_**A/N: Figured these one shots needed a little sex, hence this was born xD**_

**004. Regret**

Faith was more than aware that Buffy was drunk and that she was probably taking advantage of her, but she was finding it hard to find a reason to care anymore.

First of all, anyone who has the balls to go slaying in a skirt that gives Faith a _fantastic _view of their ass every time they kick a vamp in the face, should really know better; that was just straight up asking for it. Not only was it pretty fucking obvious what she was trying to do, but she nearly got both of them killed in the process. Buffy couldn't kick ass properly because she put on these ridiculous heels that had no business being anywhere_ near_ a cemetery, and every time she tried to fight Faith would zone out because the "accidental" view she was constantly being given distracted her immensely.

Needless to say, tonight's patrol wasn't all that successful in the vamp slaying area. Buffy got two, Faith got one, and then they both had to run for their lives and hide like a bunch of pansies because neither of them seemed to be able to hold their own tonight just because of Buffy's choice in wardrobe.

Not that it didn't look good on her; it did. Faith was surprised the damn clothes didn't melt off of her because of how fucking hot she looked. She had just the right amount of cleavage and just the right amount of leg and it took all of Faith's willpower to not say fuck it and take her against a gravestone. It sucked though because she had been worked up all day and really needed to slay a half a dozen vamps so she could chill out and that didn't end up happening; not even close. It made her frustration grow tenfold, so she suggested they hit the Bronze on the way home.

Faith figured it was a win/win anyway: she could probably find someone there that was willing to scratch her itch, but even if she didn't, there were always booze. It was ridiculously easy to pick the lock on the storage closet where they kept the stuff and they never had anyone watching the door, so to Faith that was more than enough of an invitation to help herself. On another happy note, liquor and Buffy have never mixed well, so it was likely that she'd have to call Willow or Xander for a ride and wouldn't get the chance to flaunt her ridiculously perky ass in Faith's face on the walk home. There was only so much a girl could take.

What was really annoying about the whole thing was that Buffy knew exactly what she was doing to her, yet put on this innocent act like she really had no fucking clue what was going on. Faith was pretty positive that Buffy was just a closet-case trying to test the waters with a friend, but she'd be lying if she said that there still wasn't the slim chance that Buffy could just be messing with her for the sole fact that it was _fun;_ she did seem to get a ridiculous amount of amusement out of Faith's sexual frustration, now that she thought about. Maybe Buffy just liked the attention and wanted to see how far she could take it before Faith caved and asked her out, just so Buffy could do that annoying little giggle that she does before she reminds her that she's straight. The problem with that plan though, if Buffy really was that stupid to pull something like that, was that Faith didn't ask people out – she took what she needed from them for a night and couldn't give a shit less what happens to them come morning.

Buffy was way in over her head if that was the case, but Faith sucked up the torture and played the role of the good girl. As much as she would love to tap that, it'd probably screw up their friendship, let alone their work relationship. It's not like new Slayers were popping up every day either; it was just the two of them. Besides, Faith could count the number of friends she had on one finger and she didn't exactly feel thrilled about reducing that number to zero. Even if said friend was a closet-case that seemed to enjoy making her life a living hell, she was still the only one she got.

Unfortunately, Monday nights seemed to be ugly night at the Bronze and Faith didn't find anyone that was even _close _to her standards for a walking dildo. Because to her, that's what they were; there was no other purpose for them other than using them for their genitalia. Most of the time she couldn't even remember their names; half of the time she never even bothered to ask. Sex had become so ridiculously routine to her that it was hard for Faith to find any kind of thrill from it anymore. It had become more about inserting tab A into slot B just so she could stop feeling like she wanted to punch everything when she didn't get in her required nightly kills.

Regardless of that disappointment though, there was still booze. After the regular lecture from Buffy about how stealing is _wrong_ and that them drinking was _illegal,_ Faith walked away in the opposite direction, intent on getting a bottle anyway. Buffy always had to make a show of protesting, maybe so she didn't feel so guilty when she did finally sneak out back with Faith and help her consume half the bottle. She always ended up back there eventually; sometimes it took five minutes and sometimes it took an hour, but Buffy would always come out and say that she was 'frustrated' and that she 'needed some just to calm down.'

Whatever.

She knew Buffy liked the thrill of being bad, she just won't admit it because it would ruin her image as a perfect, uptight little goody two shoes. But Faith knew better; sometimes Buffy would allow her to see the _real _her and she was fun, she loved danger, and they always had a kick ass time together. Faith grew to expect the "we shouldn't have done that" speech in the morning, so they hardly phased her anymore; that's just who Buffy was.

Like Faith expected, she was in the alley behind the Bronze for only twenty minutes before Buffy stormed out, probably peeved that she didn't last as long as she did the last time this happened. "Frustrated?" Faith mocked, to which Buffy replied to with a, "Just shut up, Faith," before she took the bottle and began drinking.

The first half an hour wasn't bad; they drank until they knew they each had their limit and then they went back in the club to dance. As usual, Buffy had to remind her at least fifteen times that her hands didn't belong in bad places. But as the alcohol started to hit her, it took longer and longer each time Faith copped a feel before Buffy would tell her to stop. It didn't really bother Faith that Buffy was constantly rejecting her because it always sounded like such a ridiculous formality. Why else would she allow Faith's fingers to brush her panties for even half a second if it wasn't? Buffy wanted it; she was just scared to ask for it.

However, Faith was pretty sure today wasn't going to be the day Buffy up and decided that she wanted to get to third base with her, so she barely paid attention to her after the dancing. It was always fun doing the teasing thing with Buffy – mainly because the blonde always let her go a little bit farther with it each time – but too much of it and she's liable to implode. Besides, usually by now Buffy was stumbling all over herself; she was a messy drunk. Which, to be fair she still kind of was – stumbling, that is – but usually she would take this moment to tell Faith that she was going to call up Willow to take her home. Tonight, she didn't. Tonight, Buffy was acting really fucking weird.

It all started when some guy asked to buy Faith a drink, thinking she was of legal age for whatever fucked up reason. He wasn't attractive in the slightest and she couldn't be caught in the club with a drink in her hand, so Faith was going to tell him to piss off anyway. But before she could, Buffy fucking popped in from out on _nowhere_, put her arms around her waist protectively and gave the guy a wicked dirty look before telling him to "get away from her girlfriend." Her fucking _girlfriend._

The guy apologized and quickly left, but Faith was pissed off. She asked Buffy what the hell her damage was, but Buffy just acted confused by the implication and told Faith that "he wasn't even close to attractive" and that she was only trying to help her get rid of him. That's what friends were for, right?

No, but Faith let it go anyway and went to go chill out on the couches.

Buffy isn't the type to be codependent by any means, but tonight she was sure acting like she was with the way she followed Faith around like an abandoned puppy. Faith had to wonder if she over served her again, but she had been wicked careful about doing that ever since Buffy ended up puking all over her and then cried for over half an hour because she stepped on a freaking slug. Apparently the slug was a metaphor for her failed relationship with Angel, which Faith didn't understand in the slightest and stopped trying to get Buffy to explain it to her after the fourth non-coherent answer she was given. Basically that night was shit and Faith really had_ no_ desire to go through that again, so she started watching what she gave her; which meant that whatever was going on right now wasn't her fault, but it didn't make it any less annoying.

Buffy sat next her on the couch and immediately started rambling on about something. Faith always felt bad when she zoned out halfway through their conversations, especially when it turned out to be something important, but Faith paid enough attention for a moment to catch that she was now talking about what shoes she should wear, which immediately made her zone out again. Faith didn't do the girly, superficial thing; that's why Buffy had Willow.

However, before she knew it Buffy had taken ahold of her hand like she freakin' owned the rights to it or something. Faith immediately yanked it from her grasp and demanded to know what the hell she thought she was doing, which seemed to both confuse Buffy immensely as well as hurt her feelings.

"If you don't want to go its fine, Faith; but you don't need to be an asshole about it," she had said.

That made Faith utter a perplexed, "Huh?" suddenly hella fucking confused because she apparently missed something important. Again. After she apologized to Buffy and admitted she wasn't listening, Buffy restated her proposal: the Prom. She wanted to make it into a "girl's night" because they "didn't need boyfriends to go to the dance," but with everything that had been going on between them today, Faith's first thought was that Buffy was trying to manipulate her into some sort of practice date or something.

Her frustration was getting worse the longer time went on, and frankly this was the last thing Faith wanted to deal with, so she ended up snapping at Buffy; telling her she needed to quit with her bullshit and come out of the closet before someone ends up _pushing _her out. She then stormed off to the bathroom to get some space.

After retreating into the farthest stall from the door, she sat on the toilet seat and put her head in her hands. Buffy was her friend and yeah, she was hot as fuck, but Faith never signed up to be her lesbian experiment. She didn't do the girlfriend thing and while she was fine with the sexual aspects of Buffy's curiosity, she drew the line at being her on again, off again pretend girlfriend whenever Buffy found it convenient. That shit only stood to fuck up their friendship because if Buffy actually started to _like_ her like that, Faith would end up breaking her heart.

Privacy, however, didn't seem to be a word Buffy comprehended. After only five minutes she came into the bathroom, knocking on Faith's stall and demanding that she let her in. Faith told her to fuck off, so Buffy decided that completely ignoring her would be the smart thing to do and climbed under the stall. That didn't exactly make Faith fill with rainbows and sunshine.

Buffy asked her why she was being such a bitch today, which provoked Faith to stand up, get in her face, and rant about how it wasn't her job to sit there and hold Buffy's hand while she fucking debated if coming out of the closet was worth it. Of course Buffy denied the accusation, saying that she wasn't gay and that the alcohol was probably clouding Faith's brain. She laughed it off like Faith was being adorable for even thinking such a thing and moved forward to reassure her, only how she touched her did exactly the opposite.

Buffy had always been a bit handsy when she was drunk, but this was beyond ridiculous; especially when she told her not two minutes ago that she wasn't gay. Her hands were on her hips, her thighs, then touching her neck before she made some offhand comment about her hair so she could slide her fingers through it while she pressed the entire top half of her body against Faith. And so that prompted Faith, for the first time in her life, to tell someone to get the fuck off of her.

Buffy didn't listen; she told her she was being grumpy and was overreacting about everything. And fine, maybe she was grumpy, but Faith knew she wasn't over reacting; Buffy was all over her. When she leaned in to smell Faith's neck and drunkenly asked what perfume she used, she let her lips "accidently" brush over her skin, making Faith debate whether or not punching Buffy in the face would be worth the retaliation later just so she could get the girl off of her.

Whether Faith liked it or not, Buffy was driving her insane. She was already frustrated to begin with, and that was always hard enough to deal with by itself. But with all this newfound groping and "innocent" flirting tossed into the mix, it was making her blood run hot and her hairs stand on end. She tried, as God as her fucking witness she _tried _to control herself, but once Buffy made the offhand comment of, "you should really wear padded bras, Faith; it's kind of trashy when I can see your nipples," and actually coupled that with brushing her fingers _over_ said nipples, Faith's resolve snapped in half; she had Buffy pinned up against the wall so fast it actually seemed to startle the blonde for a moment.

Now it was Faith's turn to have her hands on Buffy, which apparently wasn't a situation Buffy had prepared herself for. She asked with a shaky breath what Faith was doing, which made the younger girl tell her, "What you've been practically begging for me to do all night." Buffy started to protest; to say that she wasn't doing anything and that Faith was just being a weird drunk again, but Faith didn't want to hear anymore bullshit so she shut Buffy up by colliding her lips with hers. It was what she wanted anyway, right? So fuck it.

Buffy's show of protest was the weakest Faith had ever seen it as she barely tried to push her off for a grand total of five seconds before she was suddenly grabbing at Faith's clothing, kissing her back just as hard. So that's where Faith was at now, having that annoying moral dilemma in her head because she knew she was taking advantage of the situation. But Buffy was seriously starting to piss her off and was the one that took it _way_ too far to begin with. Buffy knew what she was doing though, even _drunk_ Faith knew that she knew _exactly_ what she was doing. She probably didn't stop to think about the repercussions of it, but Buffy would seriously have to be the stupidest person on the face of the fucking planet if she didn't understand why Faith was reacting the way she was.

For fuck's sake, she was_ trying_ to protect her from all this fuckery; like Buffy really wanted to fall in bed with someone like her.

But no matter how many reasons Faith had to stop, she found that she was far too pissed off and far too sexually frustrated to be the good guy this time. Buffy made her bed; she should probably learn to lie in it before she ends up pushing the wrong fucking person too far and ends up getting raped or something. Faith knew it was unlikely because of Buffy's slayer strength, but when she was drunk three or four good sized men could easily overpower her because she seemed to lose her sense of distance pretty damn quickly. Buffy would either overestimate or underestimate her steps, even misjudge unmovable obstacles in her path, causing her to trip or run straight into things way too often. Faith used to joke that when Buffy was drunk she needed sober-tinted glasses just to walk straight, but it didn't seem so funny now when she thought about how much it really fucks with her and how it ain't safe.

Faith kept thinking about those imaginary men, and more and more was beginning to feel like she seriously needed to teach Buffy that she can't fuck with people like this. Better her than someone else that didn't give half a shit, right? So she allowed herself to let go and slid her hand up Buffy's skirt as she kissed her, letting her fingers tease the blonde softly though her panties.

Buffy nearly choked on Faith's tongue as she sucked in a sharp breath, eyes popping open in surprise. Her hands weakly swatted at Faith's shoulders and she tried to dish out that ridiculous lie again. "Faith, I'm not—" _gay,_ Faith finished for her in her head sarcastically. Like fucking always right? Faith took the opportunity of Buffy fumbling over her next word though, interrupting her.

"Wet?" Faith finished for her mockingly, "Because I _know_ that's a lie." She allowed her fingers to press on Buffy's clit through her panties. Not enough to breeze past the limit of where she knew she couldn't go unless she got _actual _verbal permission, but enough to make her fucking point nonetheless. She was just angry and was feeling kind of used right now and that combination never made her the friendliest person in the world.

Buffy noticeably gasped when pressure was applied to her clit and she grabbed Faith's arm, digging her fingernails into her skin. Faith barely noticed. "I…" she tried, but didn't seem to be able to form any kind of competent sentence at the moment. "No, I just… I mean, I didn't…" but Buffy interrupted her own failure of sentence with a breathless, "Oh my God," once Faith decided she didn't want to hear Buffy's stupid excuses right now and instead attached her lips to the girls neck, sucking on her flesh so hard it was bound to leave a mark.

Buffy gasped and grabbed onto her, pulling her closer when she was _supposed _to be pretending to push Faith away. Obviously Buffy wasn't real good at keeping up the façade when she was drunk and horny. She whimpered softly and closed her eyes, sliding her hands up Faith's torso with enough pressure to make the shirt go with her. But she seemed to have second thoughts as she stopped short of pulling it up over her breasts and she moved her neck away from Faith, needing her to stop distracting her.

"Shit. Faith, I can't—" she tried, but Faith wasn't really in the mood to let her get a word out.

"What, screw with my head all night? Because newsflash, B; you already did and you _seriously_ need to learn that you can't keep doing whatever the hell you goddamn please." To make her point, she allowed her fingernails to drag against the inside of Buffy's thigh while her other hand roughly cupped a breast over her shirt, using her whole body to pin her against the wall; Faith needed to assert her dominance in this situation because she really wasn't kidding around anymore.

Buffy's breath caught in her throat and her eyes went wide, but Faith knew that if Buffy _really_ wanted her off of her she would have no problem getting out from underneath her at all. Hell, she could even just _tell _Faith to get off of her if she wanted to be simple about it, but she has yet to actually speak those words. So Faith kissed her, not having to wait very long until Buffy kissed her back. But the second she did Faith pulled away, hissing against her friend's lips, "This is what you wanted, isn't it? This is why you wore a skirt that showed me your ass every time you kicked a vamp in the face." She grabbed the hem of Buffy's skirt, hiking it up until her hand was on her hip, fingers digging firmly enough into her skin to signify ownership; at least for now. "This is why you nearly got us fucking killed with those stupid high heels you insisted on wearing. This is why you've been all over me; trying to see how much you could get away with. Tell me I'm wrong," she dared.

Buffy seemed torn between allowing Faith to fuck her into submission and breaking down into tears. "I can't…" she whispered finally; it sounded like it was painful to admit. Her voice was shaking and now that Faith took notice of it, her whole damn body was trembling. She turned her face away from Faith so she wouldn't see how upset she was getting and Faith backed off a little. She still kept her pinned to the wall, but she kept her hands to herself.

"You can't keep screwing around with me, B," Faith told her, voice a little softer now that reality seemed to be smacking Buffy in the face at full force. "I get that you're fucked up right now about admitting you like chicks, but it's getting to the point where I'm beginning to not give a shit about your emotional issues," she told her, being completely honest. "It's seriously taking every fucking inch of my willpower to not shove my hand in your panties and fuck you right here in this bathroom. So you need to make a choice; you either need to back the hell off or start delivering the goods, cause I ain't taking this shit anymore."

Buffy turned to look at her then and for the life of her, Faith couldn't decipher her expression. Her breathing had shallowed significantly, though whether that was from being turned on or because she was about to have a panic attack, Faith didn't know. Finally she could see the confliction on Buffy's face clear as day when she slowly reached up to brush a lock of hair away from Faith's eyes; her hand was shaking. It was obvious she didn't know what to do so Faith kissed her, figuring that if Buffy did end up choosing to back off, at least she would've known what it was like.

Buffy nearly jumped out of her skin though when the door to the bathroom opened and she pushed Faith off of her so hard that the brunette's back collided with the stall wall that was opposite of them. "Jesus Christ, B," Faith complained, rubbing her now bruised back. Well, fuck; there was her answer. Faith can't say that she isn't disappointed, but she knew that screwing Buffy like a cheap whore would have probably made everything turn to shit in a matter of minutes anyway.

Buffy asked if they could leave after that, wrapping her arms around herself to maintain the illusion that she was keeping herself together. But the fact was; she wasn't. The entire way home Buffy wouldn't speak or look at her and there would be moments where she would sniffle quietly, trying to not let Faith know that she was silently crying.

Faith didn't usually feel like an asshole, but she did just then.

She didn't mean to make Buffy_ cry_ or anything; she just wanted her to stop lying to herself and everyone else because she was starting to make stupid fucking decisions that were affecting both of them now. Buffy was her best friend – her _only _friend if she was gonna be honest – and she felt like an ass for being so invasively straight forward, but she was kind of out of options at that point. She didn't regret what she said to her at all, but maybe if she wasn't such a horny, retarded mess all the time she could have thought of a better way of doing it than feeling her up in a club bathroom.

"You want me to walk you home; double back?" Faith asked as they neared her motel room. Usually Buffy would just drop her off there and walk the rest of the way back to her house since it was on the way, but Faith didn't really want her wandering off alone right now; she looked like she could be knocked over with a feather.

Buffy shook her head, finally lifting her head. She didn't look at Faith though; instead her eyes focused on Faith's motel room in the distance. "I want to stay with you tonight," she told her softly. Her eyes found the pavement again as she told her, "I can't— I don't want to go home right now."

Faith sighed, but continued walking towards her motel room with her friend in tow. "I dunno if that's a good idea," she told her honestly; she felt like if she didn't get an orgasm soon she might just tear out her hair. And yeah, fine, she can give one to herself; but somehow she didn't think Buffy would be too fond of that idea if she was in the same freaking _room_ as her.

Sometimes she hated that she was such a slave to her sex drive. She should probably get some therapy for that shit, but it ain't like she could afford it.

"That's why I want to go."

Faith stopped, rounding on her quickly. "B, you haven't been making the best decisions all night, so maybe you should quit trying to make them, okay?"

For the first time, Buffy looked her dead in the eye. "You know, if you cared even a _tiny_ bit about what I'm going through right now, you'd let me come over without talking down to me like I'm some kind of idiot."

"If I—if I fucking _cared?"_ Faith repeated, stumbling over the words in angry disbelief. "Did you seriously just say that to me, when I've done nothing else but control myself for the last couple months just to appease your stupid juvenile curiosities? Are you fucking _serious?"_

"I'm serious," was all Buffy offered her before starting to walk down the street towards the motel room. It took a minute, but Faith finally snapped herself out of the shock that Buffy seriously just _said_ that to her, and she broke into a jog to catch up to her. Buffy was halfway into the motel parking lot when Faith grabbed her shoulder, forcing her to turn around and look at her.

"I don't like being manipulated, Buffy. You're _not _staying here tonight."

"You know what I don't like?" Buffy suddenly shouted out of nowhere, emotion making her voice hitch in her throat as tears welled up in her eyes. "I don't like that the first time I've actually really _needed _you, you wanna throw me away like yesterday's trash because you already got what you needed from me." Her eyes were furious and Faith felt like were burning into hers just from the sheer intensity of her gaze. Buffy was seriously pissed off. "I'm not one of your _whores,_ Faith; I'm supposed to be your friend!"

"And I'm trying to_ be_ your friend by not letting you in there, B!" Faith exclaimed; getting pissed off that Buffy assumed she didn't give a fuck now that she got to shove her tongue down her throat and fondle her for a grand total of five minutes. "If you go in there, if you sleep in the same damn bed as me; I ain't gonna be able to stop myself from fucking you, alright? And I'm trying B, like really fucking trying to not be the huge asshole here and end up breaking your heart."

"You know what?" Buffy asked, holding out her hands weakly to signify both her defeat and absolute lack of caring. "Just fuck me. I don't care."

She turned around and headed towards Faith's motel room, leaving the younger slayer staring after her looking immensely confused. First Buffy won't admit she's gay, then she practically has a mental breakdown over it, and now she was willing for Faith to fuck her just so she didn't have to be alone? She's gotta have a screw loose up there somewhere, because sane people don't transition that quickly.

"Faith, I need the key," Buffy called out, voice lacking all enthusiasm or emotion as she stared at her, waiting. Her face was so blank that it kind of creeped Faith out a little. But she clearly wasn't going to be winning the argument and Buffy wasn't gonna be returning to her _own _home any time soon, so Faith sighed and tossed her the key before making her way over to her room.

This was gonna suck. She is _not_ a freaking therapist, damnit.

When she finally got inside and closed the door behind her, Faith turned to see Buffy lying on her bed spread eagle; staring at the ceiling fan. She wasn't blinking. Faith swore under her breath as she leaned against her bureau, looking at the girl on her bed. "B, did you take a pill or something? Cause I ain't babysitting a high gone wrong; done that too many damn times in my life already."

Faith watched Buffy blink once before she told her in a flat tone, "You're an idiot."

"And you're a lesbian."

Buffy noticeably flinched at that, but stayed silent for a moment. Faith crossed her arms over her chest and waited for her to say something. It seemed like it took Buffy forever, but she finally told her, "I'm not a lesbian. I'm... bisexual at most."

"Yeah well, same fucking difference to me," Faith told her, shrugging. "Either way a bitch gotta have some pussy."

Buffy made an odd face at that comment, like she wasn't exactly sure if she'd be okay with going down on another woman. Silence stretched between them for a moment before Buffy asked in a small voice, "Faith?"

"What?"

She finally turned her head to the side so she could look at her friend as she told her, "I'm really sorry. I just…" Buffy let out an aggravated sigh and put her fists over her eyes before she told her in a sad voice, "I just wanted to be normal. My whole life is demons and weapons and apocalypses and I… I wanted just one thing about me to be _normal."_

Faith cocked an eyebrow at her, trying to ignore the burn in the pit of her stomach for at least a little while so she can attempt to play the role of the good friend. "And you think liking chicks ain't normal?"

"_No,_ Faith. I don't."

Faith couldn't help rolling her eyes at that; it sounded so stupid. "Whatever, B; people are people."

"Not when you're in high school they're not," Buffy told her, taking her hands away from her face so she can look at her friend again. "You can't even _begin_ to imagine what kind of mean stuff they do to people who aren't normal, okay? I'm already the class freak; I don't want an even bigger target on my back right now." She sighed. "You're lucky you dropped out."

"Oh yeah, B; real fucking lucky that people look at me like I'm some kind of stupid delinquent," Faith responded sarcastically. She furrowed her brow, not understanding something, "Why do you even _care?_ If some fucking jock calls you a dyke you could throw them halfway across the room; like it really matters. Ain't like you're an easy target to bully."

"And get suspended again? No thanks." She closed her eyes again, looking a little uncomfortable. "The room is spinning," Buffy informed her, which Faith ignored; that's what happens when you drink.

"So your solution is to stay locked in that closet of yours until college and drive _me_ insane in the process? Way to be a great fucking friend, all I'm saying."

"I wasn't trying to—" Buffy started to protest, but ended up sighing because she knew Faith was right. "You were just… safe." Faith outright snorted at that and Buffy rolled her eyes, "No, I mean like… I don't know, I guess some part of me knew that you knew what I was doing and you still… let me. You humored my curiosity and you didn't push it."

"Until tonight," Faith finished for her.

"Yeah well, after nearly getting us both killed and then invading your personal bubble all night, I can't really blame you," Buffy admitted, then made a face of distain. "God, I was really obnoxious, wasn't I?"

Faith chuckled a little. "Yeah, but ain't like I'm gonna bitch for being able to stick my tongue down your throat."

Buffy flushed a little at that and pursed her lips, looking up at Faith through her lashes. That one look was so innocent yet so damn sultry at the same time that Faith made herself look down at the carpet instead so she didn't jump her right there. God, she's not going to get any sleep tonight.

"I still want you to go to Prom with me," Buffy told her softly, breaking the silence.

"Don't do the dating thing."

"It doesn't have to be a _date,_ Faith," Buffy replied, sounding a little exasperated. "I just… really want to go with you, okay?"

Faith cocked an eyebrow and looked up at her, feeling a little skeptical about this whole thing. "You like… crushing on me or something, B?" she asked. She needed to know; it's one thing for Buffy to be sexually attracted to her cause hell, who isn't, but if she's got some sort of crush than Faith's gonna have to stop this train right in its tracks before it crashes and burns.

"Okay, you know what? Nevermind," Buffy retorted, looking a little peeved. "If you're going to continue being an arrogant idiot, then nevermind."

"I was just asking a damn question—" Faith tried, but was interrupted.

"Yeah, a stupid one."

Faith sighed in annoyance, wanting to bang her head against a wall. Women were fucking confusing. "Fine, whatever; if it gets your rocks off I'll go with you, alright? But you gotta get me a dress cause ain't like I can afford that crap; none of that frilly pink shit either."

Buffy tried to continue to look annoyed, but she couldn't help the small smile that formed on her face. "I know better than to try to make you into a _girl,_ Faith," she told her, sounding a little amused. Faith just rolled her eyes at her. The blonde gave her a lopsided grin for a second before she motioned at her with her head. "Are you going to come to bed or stand there all night?"

"Probably gonna stand here all night," Faith answered flatly. Buffy raised an eyebrow at her, looking even more amused now.

"I'm not going to bite, Faith."

"Not you I'm worried about."

Buffy rolled her eyes and sat up, moving to get off the bed. "Come on, don't be stupid," she told her as she walked over to her, grabbing Faith's hands and practically pulling her over to the bed. Faith went with her, but reluctantly. Lying half naked in a bed next to Buffy? Not going to be the funnest night in the world, that's for sure.

Faith kicked off her boots and started to take off her leathers while Buffy pulled her shirt off over her head, exposing a light pink bra with little hearts on it. The girlyness of it should have made Faith laugh, but with how she was feeling it only made her want to rip it off of her with her teeth. She averted her eyes though as she took off her shirt, leaving her bra and panties on even though she usually didn't sleep in them because they were really fucking uncomfortable. But being buck naked next to an underwear clad Buffy seemed like a recipe for disaster. Buffy, however, didn't seem to think so.

"I thought you said you slept nude," she said, looking over at Faith in her underwear. She smirked and said, "Liar."

"Ain't gonna sleep naked when I got a friend over," Faith told her, annoyed that Buffy thought she was calling her out. She _did _usually sleep naked, damnit. "Y'know, trying not to make _you _feel wicked uncomfortable or anything."

"Don't be such a baby, Faith; I'm not going to look. But if you're really that embarrassed, I won't pick on you."

"I'm not fucking _embarrassed,_ B," Faith snapped. She really didn't like the way Buffy said that to her, like she was adorable for her nonexistent embarrassment. It annoyed her, so Faith unhooked her bra and threw it at the back of Buffy's head. "You fucking happy now? _Not _embarrassed. Jesus."

Buffy froze when the bra hit her. Faith watched her pick up her bra without turning around and Faith didn't have to see Buffy's face to know she was smirking. Great, she was being played. _Again._ "What the hell are you doing, B?" she demanded.

"Trying to sleep; what are you doing?" Buffy answered as she leaned over to turn off the lights before crawling under the covers.

"Trying not to punch you in the face," Faith answered flatly. "You're screwing with me again. Do I have 'Lesbian Experiences R Us' tattooed across my fucking forehead or something?"

Buffy's back was turned to her but Faith heard her sigh softly. "I'm sorry," she whispered. Faith was expecting her to deny it, so she didn't exactly have a retort for an apology. "I think it's starting to become a habit."

"What's your endgame here, B?" Faith asked, needing to know before she's driven completely insane. Buffy didn't answer so she clarified, "Like what are you getting out of manipulating me to get naked? Cause I'm seriously this close to throwing you out. This is beyond fucking fair, Buffy."

"Just forget it; put your clothes back on," Buffy mumbled into her pillow.

"No," Faith said, pulling off her underwear and throwing it across the room in a fit of annoyance. She turned around, getting up on her knees to tower over Buffy. "You wanted me naked? Well now I'm fucking naked. So you gonna actually do something about that or am I throwing you out on your ass?" She knew she sounded like an asshole, but this was far past ridiculous it wasn't even funny. Faith didn't enjoy getting played with and she had ben _more _than patient at this point.

It took a moment, but Buffy finally did roll over to face her. Faith couldn't see Buffy's expression very well in the dark, but she could easily hear her breath catch in her throat. She could feel her eyes all over her but it didn't embarrass Faith in the slightest; if Buffy really wanted to look that badly, then fine. She had a nice body, she'll admit that. Be stupid to think otherwise.

The one thing that was strange about it though was how hard Faith's heart was beating in her chest. Sex usually meant jack squat to her, but for some reason the prospect of Buffy actually giving in seemed to excite her.

She was probably _such _a bad friend for that. Then again, not like Buffy's been winning any award with her incessant teasing and manipulation.

"This is a little scarier than I thought it would be," Buffy admitted softly. "I know I was trying to… but…" she trailed off and for once, Faith stayed quiet. Buffy needed to make her own decision right now. It was hard though, not to just _do _something about it. Her body was screaming to be touched but if she forced Buffy to do it, this wouldn't end well.

Finally, Buffy moved to sit up a little. Faith expected her to say something, but instead she just touched Faith's hip lightly, her thumb running along the curve of the brunette's waist. Faith's whole body stiffened as she fought with the last of her control. She didn't even realize she was holding her breath until Buffy leaned in, placing a hot, open mouthed kiss at the base of her navel. Her breath came out sharply then and she slid her fingers through Buffy's hair, closing her eyes as the blonde placed nervous kisses upwards, over her ribcage.

"B…" Faith breathed, fingers tightening in her hair as she got closer to her breast. "You know what you're doing, right?"

"I think so," Buffy whispered, her voice shaking a little from her nerves. Her breath was hot on Faith's skin and it made goosebumps from all over her body. "Just… go slow, okay?" she requested, her voice sounding so tiny all of a sudden.

Part of Faith knew this was still a bad idea, but she relented with an, "Okay," anyway. Buffy's lips covered the curve of her breast for a moment, then hesitated for a second before she finally covered her nipple. Faith exhaled sharply as Buffy's tongue gently teased her and her hands ran down the blonde's back to unhook her bra, needing to get Buffy naked, like _yesterday._

Buffy moved from Faith's nipple to kiss over her chest once, then twice, before she got on her knees and sat up to face Faith fully as she carefully shrugged off her loosened bra. Faith had seen Buffy be a bad ass slayer, a drunken mess, and everything else in between it seemed, but she had never seen her look so completely _vulnerable_ before. It did something to Faith and for the first time in her life, she thought about someone else's needs while in bed with them. "I'm not going to hurt you, B," she told her softly, needing her to know that.

"I know," Buffy whispered, her fingers still lightly tracing the dip in Faith's thigh. "This is just… a little scary for me."

Faith leaned in and kissed her gently, trying to reassure her. When they broke she whispered across her lips, "Lay down, okay?" Buffy swallowed her nerves and nodded, shifting so she did as Faith asked. When her back was against the mattress she looped her thumbs around her panties, but paused before she pulled them down.

Faith moved to lie down as well, situating her body so she was pressed up against her, their legs intertwined. Buffy still looked really nervous so she leaned in and kissed her neck softly, covering one of Buffy's hands that were frozen on her panties with her, gently encouraging her to pull them down. "Just lemme make you feel good, yeah?" she tried, not really knowing how to be the patient lover but trying nonetheless. Buffy let out a heavy breath and licked her lips, but she finally nodded and lifted her hips, allowing Faith to slide her underwear off her body.

"Okay," Buffy said breathlessly, sounding a little disoriented for a moment. "I'm _naked._ Naked with Faith."

Faith couldn't help but chuckle a little at that as she climbed back up her body, hovering over her. "Yeah, you are." Her eyes caught Buffy's and she hated she had to ask this, but she did anyway. "Do you want me to stop?"

Faith _really_ didn't want to stop. It may just kill her.

"No," Buffy told her quietly, which made Faith breathe a sigh of relief. "Just… you know, trying to take this all in," she told her, emitting a little nervous laugh that quickly ended once she bit her bottom lip. Faith waited for a moment, allowing Buffy to get used to what was going on. "Faith?" she asked finally, sounding extremely vulnerable again. "Do you like me?"

Faith's heart pounded in her chest and for the first time in her life; she was nervous. She gave her a small smile though and told her softly, "Yeah, B; I like ya." She wasn't exactly sure what she was admitting to, but it seemed to comfort Buffy that she said it because she took the initiative to lean up a little and kiss her softly.

Faith allowed herself to settle down on top of Buffy then and both girls groaned a little from the feeling of their naked bodies against each other. Faith plunged her tongue into Buffy's mouth, her hips rocking slightly against Buffy's thigh to get the friction she so desperately needed. That seemed to surprise Buffy though because she made a little sound in the back of her throat and Faith had to pull away for a second to make sure she wasn't freaking out. "You alright?" she asked breathlessly.

"Yeah, I just…" Buffy started, voice shaking a little. "I didn't expect you to be so… wet." She made a face, thinking she sounded stupid. "Sorry, I'm being really dumb. You're probably hating this."

Faith couldn't help but laugh a little at that.

"Don't _laugh_ at me," Buffy protested, sounding hurt.

Faith shook her head before she leaned in, kissing Buffy firmly on the lips for a moment. When she broke she told her, breath tickling her lips, "Not laughing at _you,_ B. Just think it's funny that you think that I hate having the prettiest chick in SunnyD naked in my bed."

Buffy's eyes caught hers and she reached up, touching Faith's cheek lightly with her palm. "You think I'm pretty?" she asked, like she wasn't sure if she just heard Faith right.

"Prettiest chick I know," Faith told her honestly because hell, she was. Buffy smiled a little before she leaned in, giving Faith a soft kiss. When they broke, Buffy kept her eyes closed and her cheek pressed against hers as she worked up the courage to ask, "Faith, will you… go down on me?" Faith could feel how hot her face got after she asked that, but she couldn't help but grin.

"Thought ya'd never ask," she replied as she wasting no time sliding her body down hers. Buffy let out a shaky breath as Faith began leaving wet kisses in her wake; down her neck, her chest, her stomach. When she settled between Buffy's legs she kissed the inside of her thigh, making the blonde let out a small whimper as she shifted her legs, letting them fall open a little more. Her eyes were closed; like she was afraid to see the look on Faith's face when she finally got a look at _all _of her.

Buffy was so wet that the smell was intoxicating Faith, but she didn't want to just dive in head first and risk freaking her out. So she started to kiss slowly up one thigh, letting Buffy get used to the fact that she was down there and very much in her business now. After a moment, Faith watched Buffy's hips twitch towards her, like she was trying to get her attention. That was all the confirmation she needed and she let her mouth wrap around Buffy's hot center, sucking softly.

"Faith," Buffy breathed, her fingers digging into the sheets below her as she strained to get her hips closer to her face. Now that she was down there, Faith wasn't pulling any punches. Buffy tasted so fucking delicious that she dove into her work, wanting to make the girl beneath her writhe and pant her name into the darkness of the room, begging to be taken.

When she began to flick her tongue rhythmically against Buffy's hardened nub, the girl gasped and grabbed a fistful of her hair, not exactly being gentle when she physically encouraged her to keep going. Not that Faith cared; Buffy could pull out a fistful of her hair and she'd still be having the best time of her fucking life. It didn't take long before Buffy's breathy pants turned into full on moans and she was practically humping her face as she begged, "Faith, please…"

Faith moved her lips to the inside of Buffy's thigh to bite down on her a little roughly as she slid two fingers deep inside of her. Buffy cried out and tossed her head to the side, pleasure written all over her face as Faith started to move inside of her. Buffy was so tight that Faith's insides clenched and her clit throbbed, not knowing how much more of this she could take before she needed to be touched.

For all of Buffy's prior nervousness, now she seemed to have none at all as she frantically bucked her hips against Faith's hand, needing her to go faster. Since Buffy seemed to be into it now, Faith risked it and moved up her body, colliding their lips as she continued to milk her for all she was worth. Buffy was panting against her lips and her hands grabbed for her, but it wasn't where Faith needed her to go. "B, please," Faith practically begged. "I need you to fuck me."

Buffy opened her eyes to look at her after that request, but with another expert touch from Faith her eyes flew closed again and she moaned, arching her back. Faith was seriously just about to fuck _herself _at this point, but finally Buffy's hand slid down her stomach until it got lost between her legs. Her fingers slipped against her clit a little nervously but Faith didn't care; just one touch from her made her shut her eyes and bury her face in her neck, moaning in pleasure. She was already so on edge that she knew it wouldn't take much.

Every stroke of Faith's seemed to encourage Buffy to reciprocate and finally she was inside of her, fucking Faith with as much abandon as the woman on top of her. Faith panted hard from the pleasure Buffy was giving her and she used her free hand to slide her fingers through the blonde's hair before grabbing a fistful and roughly forcing her head to turn so she could sink her teeth into her neck. Buffy swore loudly and the hand that was on her back grasped at her, digging her nails so hard into her skin Faith was sure she was bleeding. Their lips collided then, each kissing each other so roughly that they're teeth smacked together.

But then suddenly Buffy turned her head to side, gasping, "Fuck, fuck, fuck…" as Faith felt her clench hard around her fingers. She knew she was about to cum so she pressed her fingers against Buffy's sweet spot, slipping her thumb over her clit to send her over the edge. Buffy screamed – like a for real about to make you go deaf kind of scream – as she came, her whole body tensing so hard that it made her fingers curl inside of Faith, hitting her g-spot so dead on that without any kind of warning Faith found herself riding out her own orgasm right after her.

Faith isn't sure when they actually fell asleep, but when she woke up she was surprised to find her bed empty. Sure, it usually was the morning after because she'd kick the walking dildo out right after she came, but she knew she didn't tell Buffy to leave. She opened her eyes and sat up, a little surprised to see Buffy hastily putting on her clothes like she was trying to run out the damn door.

"What the fuck are you doing? It's like six in the morning, B," Faith asked, yawning before rubbing her eyes roughly. Fuck. Too early to be awake. "Just come back to bed and I'll walk you home later," she requested, knowing she sounded grumpy. Whatever, it was early and she had to right to be.

Buffy seemed startled when she realized Faith was awake and she looked up at her, eyes wide. Faith felt her stomach drop to the floor; she knew that look. While usually she didn't give a fuck if someone she just nailed regretted what they did after, for some reason Buffy regretting it made her feel sick. It didn't make any sense; she did everything _right!_ She went slow and she was patient and… fuck, Faith wanted to punch something. "B…" she tried.

"I have to go," Buffy told her in a rush, slipping back on her heels as she averted her gaze. She nearly tripped as she stood up in a rush, trying to make it out the door. But Faith was up in a flash, grabbing Buffy's forearm to stop her.

"Don't leave," she requested, knowing she sounded really fucking stupid right now, but not caring in the slightest. She didn't know why, but right now this was killing her. Buffy was her best friend and she was so scared that she just fucked that all to hell and back again.

Buffy looked at her, looking halfway between being terrified and upset. "I thought you always had your lovers leave when you were done," she reminded her softly.

"Not…" Faith sighed, hating that she cared so much right now. "Not you, B. I… want you to stay." It was hard for her to say out loud, but she got through it. Unfortunately, it didn't seem to matter much.

"I'm sorry," Buffy told her regrettably, wrenching her arm out of Faith's grasp and opening her door. "I just can't do this right now… this is way too much for me the handle." Her voice was shaking.

"Buffy…" Faith tried again, but Buffy just shook her head.

"I'm sorry," she told her again before she just… she just fucking _left._

Faith stood there as she watched the door close behind Buffy, not understanding why she felt like she wanted to scream, punch something, and cry all the same time. She knew, she fucking _knew_ that sleeping with Buffy would be a bad idea but it just… damnit, even though it was slow and kind of awkward at first, it was seriously the best sex she ever had in her life. Maybe just because Buffy fucking… _cared,_ or something.

Shit.

Faith made her way back to the bed, sliding under the covers and curling into a ball as she stared at the far wall, trying not to cry like some kind of pansy bitch. It was stupid that she cared so much but she couldn't… fuck, she just couldn't help it.

Faith always lived her life without any regrets but just then she regretted ever giving in to weakness, because she had probably just lost the best friend she ever had in her life…

**- FIN -**


	5. Discovery

**005. Discovery**

"I can't do this anymore!" Faith heard her wife scream from inside the kitchen, sounding on the verge of another breakdown. They've been happening more often than not lately so instead of rushing to Buffy's side like she has been the past couple weeks, this time Faith takes her time getting off the couch. Not to be cruel or anything, but to mentally prepare herself for the slew of Buffy tears that are sure to follow.

"B?" she called out as she crossed the living room to stand in the threshold of the kitchen. The sight that greeted her would be funny; if not for how completely distraught Buffy looked covered in flour. "You alright, girlfriend?" Faith asked, even though she knew the answer already; but it was routine by now.

"_No!"_ Buffy screamed, waving the spatula in her hand erratically. "I'm a _cow, _Faith! My stupid stomach is so big that I keep knocking everything over just by turning around! I can't even bend down to pick up that _stupid _egg shell," she points angrily to said egg shell laying on the ground, "and I'm so damn _sick _of feeling like I look like a girl version of _Balthazar!"_

Faith made a face of disdain, remembering the demon. He was so fucking fat that he was stuck in a tub and had to have his minions pour water on him to keep from… hell, who knows; smelling any worse? Regardless. "B, you don't look like Balthazar; trust me. I wouldn't fuck anything that looked like that fat bastard."

But Buffy didn't seem to be listening though, like always. She was too caught up in her 'I'm fat, nothing else matters' world that she seemed to always find herself stuck in. "I couldn't even see you when you went down on me the other night!" Buffy exclaimed, eyes beginning to water. "I'm so _fat_ that I couldn't see you over my own stomach, Faith! And I… I _like_ seeing you when you do that…"

Faith knew she shouldn't be thinking shit like this but hell; Buffy looked freaking adorable when she pouted. "Aww, come on; seein' me shouldn't matter," Faith told her as she took the couple steps to stand beside her. She enveloped her in a side hug and kissed her forehead. "It's about the feelings, babe; not the visual."

"I don't _care!"_ Buffy exclaimed, sniffing as she wiped away some of her fallen tears. She suddenly pushed Faith away though, getting all hormonal again. "This is your fault, you know!"

"_I _didn't knock you up, B," Faith told her, then paused as she reassessed that statement. "Well, not technically."

"It's _your_ baby inside me, so I have to say that yes; you kind of did, Faith! Why couldn't we have just stuck my egg in _you?"_ she demanded, now looking angry that they hadn't even discussed this possibility at the beginning. But hey, wasn't Faith's fault; Buffy was the one all hyped up to get pregnant in the first place.

"I don't got child-bearing hips," Faith replied, smirking a little. Her attempt at amusement doesn't seem to work though. Buffy glared at her so Faith tries the truth this time. "Besides, when we tried to do the whole turkey baster thing your eggs weren't taking. It was _your_ decision to use mine instead."

"Well it was a stupid decision!" Buffy shrieked, making Faith wince a little from the decibel. She'll be glad once that baby pops out of her; Buffy can't keep a hold on her hormones to save her life anymore. "And I hate that you're so freakishly fertile! I wouldn't be getting stretch marks the size of _Africa _if you weren't!"

"I'm not 'freakishly fertile,' I've only been pregnant…" Faith paused, counting them in her head. "Four times." All of them ended in abortions though, so they didn't count. But hey, what can you expect when you slut around for the better part of five years, half the time drunk? Accidents were bound to happen.

"Four. _Four,"_ Buffy repeated, still looking at her accusingly. "I can't even get pregnant on my own _once!_ I feel like some sort of freak that was banished from procreating due to my… I don't know; lack of procreating skills! It's like a manual was given to everyone else but nope; not to Buffy!"

Faith tried like hell not to laugh at that. She suppressed it by pressing her lips together and attempting to keep her face neutral; Buffy was so overdramatic sometimes.

"I'm going to be a bad mother," Buffy groaned, slumping against the counter and putting her hands on her stomach, looking down at it. "Clearly the Powers That Be didn't want me making babies, probably because I'm going to end up _killing_ it or something equally as horrible. It's going to end up drowning in the bathtub, or choking on a toy, or being attacked by some baby eating demon, or—!"

"Buffy!" Faith exclaimed, cutting her off mid rant. "B… baby," she tried patiently, taking her wife's hands in hers as she stepped in front of her. "I love you, but your constant hormone parades are making me want to go off myself in the attic." Buffy glared at her indignantly but Faith continued, "You're _not _fat; you're pregnant. Which doesn't make you ugly, cause you're still the prettiest bitch I've ever seen in my life. And you definitely aren't going to kill our child; you practically raised _Dawn._ You didn't fuck up with that, did you?"

Buffy pouted, knowing she was losing the argument. "No, but she wasn't an _infant."_

"Well even if ya do have some infant killing tendencies, you still got me, right? I ain't gonna let you kill it," Faith tried, giving Buffy a small smile of encouragement. She still looked skeptical though and she eyed Faith up like she was trying to decide if she should be trusted.

This is so ridiculous.

"Fine," Buffy relented finally. "But if our child dies it's on you."

That was fine with her; Faith didn't have any intention of letting their child die. She leaned in and kissed Buffy's forehead. "We're gonna do fine, B. If we can save the world eight million times, pretty sure we can figure out how to raise a kid."

"Kids are more complicated than apocalypses," Buffy mutters, frowning. She buried her head in Faith's neck though, allowing the comfort. She sighed before she told her, "And we're getting take out today. The kitchen is against me; I'm done."

Faith chuckled, she knew that was going to end up happening. "You know me, B; always happy to live off of pizza."

Buffy curled up her lip a little. "You're so unhealthy. We're going somewhere and getting a salad; I'm not going to let you clog up your arteries and die of a heart attack before thirty."

"B!" Faith whined, not liking that plan in the slightest. Pizza is good. Pizza is fucking _life._ She grew up in Boston, she's bound to have an Italian food complex.

"_Salad."_

Faith grumbled something inaudible and left the kitchen, choosing to sit back down on the couch and be grumpy instead. She hated salad; plants should not be eaten, it's freaking unnatural. Buffy rolled her eyes but followed her, settling down on the couch next to her. She smirked at Faith's look of annoyance about their dinner plans and poked her cheek lightly.

"Your face might stick like that, you know. We're on a Hellmouth; things like that happen."

That possibility made Faith's face fall back to a more neutral stance and Buffy giggled. "Whatever, laugh it up; you still got that appointment with the Seer in an hour I know how much you're going to enjoy _that."_

Buffy's face fell as she remembered. "Faith, I still don't think it's a good idea…"

"What the hell do you thinks gonna happen, B? She's just checkin' to see if the kid's alright since you won't go to any _normal _doctors."

"Our kid isn't going to be normal!" Buffy exclaimed, repeating herself for the thousandth time. "Plus they draw blood and what if some evil warlock decides that he wants to steal it to use for his voodoo magic? There's too many risks involved."

Faith sighed patiently. She was sure nobody was going to break into a doctor's office to steal her blood, but Buffy had become significantly more paranoid since she became pregnant. And okay, _yeah _it could happen, but Faith still thought the chances were wicked small. It was aggravating though; Buffy being seven months pregnant and they still didn't even know if the kid was healthy. Which is why Faith put in a couple calls and after Angel talked to Lorne, they were recommended this Seer-slash-mystical midwife. Faith figured it was a win/win, but Buffy was still having her doubts.

"And the Seer could be evil – you don't know!" Buffy continued to protest. "She could be trying to infect our child with… I don't know, evil things! And then in twenty years we're going to be trying to stop the apocalypse that _our_ child started!"

"Do you really think Lorne is gonna send us someone who's evil?" Faith countered, raising an eyebrow. "Come on, you seriously need to chill. All that stress is gonna fuck with the baby."

"I really wish you wouldn't swear. She can probably hear you, you know." Buffy puts her hands over her belly, as if trying to shield the kid from Faith's lack of etiquette.

Faith rolled her eyes. "Doubt that. And ya don't even know it's gonna be a girl. You just keep _assuming."_

"Slayers can't be boys, Faith," Buffy told her with this 'duh' kind of attitude.

"Might not _be _a Slayer. The kid could take after its Dad."

"Who could end up being a psycho killer!" Buffy exclaimed, now barreling down _those_ tracks again. "Those donor profiles can't be trusted; everyone knows that! We should have just used Xander."

"And have him be the kid's Uncle _and_ Dad? Yeah, cause that's not a fuckfest and a half." Xander had just married Dawn; that would have been weird. He did offer, but still. No.

Buffy glared at her for her swearing and Faith sighed, slumping down in the couch as she laid her head on wife's stomach. She loved Buffy, she did, but fuck; it seemed they were getting into more arguments over this kid lately. Faith knew it was mostly cause of the hormones and that whole overprotective deal, but sometimes it just gave her a headache.

She turned her head to kiss Buffy's stomach. "Sorry your Mom's such a head case," she told the baby, which earned her a smack on the head from Buffy. Faith sniggered.

"I don't know why I married you."

Faith looked up, smirking. "Cause ya think I'm hot," she answered as she gave her a shit eating grin. Buffy tried to not look amused, but Faith watched a small smile peek out anyway and Faith took that as her cue to lean in, kissing her wife softly.

"You're not as hot as you think you are, you know," Buffy informed her, a small smirk adorning her features.

"Pfft, please. I got eyes," Faith dismissed, which made the blonde laugh.

"Whatever, Cocky-butt. Help me get up so I can order us food," Buffy responded, holding out her hand. Faith smiled and stood up, taking her wife's hand so she can help her get to her feet.

"God, I can't wait until I stop waddling," Buffy said as she crossed the room to the phone. Faith stared at her ass the entire way.

"I dunno, B, kinda like the waddling thing; makes you shake your ass when ya walk more." Buffy rolled her eyes in response as she picked up the phone.

About an hour later, the two were finishing their salads (which Faith complained about the whole way through) when the doorbell rang. Buffy groaned as Faith got to her feet, crossing the dining room and living room to greet the Seer at the door in the front hall. She had to smile a little at Buffy so adamantly resisting; she knew it was just from nerves and it was kind of adorable in her own, backwards little way. Faith knew that no matter how much she pretended she didn't want this, she was just as anxious to find out if the baby is healthy.

When Faith opened the door, the Seer smiled at her warmly. "Faith," she greeted, though they had never met. That was a little creepy, but then again she's supposed to be all knowing or whatever, so it was probably to be expected. She looked relatively human, outside of all the tribal tattoos she had that covered nearly every inch of her skin.

"Hey," Faith said back, stepping back to let the Seer into their house. "The pregnant lady's in the living room. She might try to bite your head off though; just so you're forewarned."

The Seer cracked a small smile and answered in her strange little monotone voice, "She will ask the question she needs an answer to, but her distrust will fade quickly."

Oookay then.

Once they enter the living room, Buffy's standing there with her hands on her hips. "Are you evil?" she asked, even before saying hello.

"Way to be wicked rude, B."

"No, I am not evil. Nor am I good. I go only where I am needed and do not get caught up in the politics of good versus evil," she answered smoothly. Buffy narrowed her eyes, then turned to Faith.

"She's not on our side. Kill her, please."

"B, she's not on _any _side. Will you just relax?" Faith asked, sighing a little. Overprotective Mommy Buffy was getting to be a little bit too much right now. "Trust me, if she was here to fuck with you I'd be the first to put her down. Just chill for a second, please."

Buffy grumbled something inaudible.

"I am not here to harm your children," the Seer told her. "I would not dream of trying to take on such power."

"Wait, _children?"_ Buffy asked, eyes nearly bugging out of her sockets. "As in plural?"

"You did not know?" The Seer asked, though it was obvious by her tone she _knew_ Buffy didn't. "You are carrying twins."

Well if that ain't the discovery of the fucking century, Faith didn't know what was.

"_What?"_ the perplexed brunette asked, nearly falling over. She propped her hand up against the wall to steady herself. Holy fucking shit. _Twins?_ "How the hell did that happen? Ain't they supposed to put on the damn donor profile if twins run in the dude's family?" Faith asked, looking at Buffy since she wasn't sure.

"I told you they couldn't be trusted," Buffy responded, though her voice was a little airy with disbelief as she cradled her stomach in her hands, looking down on it.

"It is not your donor; nor is it you, Faith. Neither of you have twins anywhere in your lineage. This came to be because Buffy already had a fertilized egg in her when you chose to do in vitro fertilization with your egg," the Seer told her. "So you will be having fraternal twins. Different mothers; same father."

"The turkey baster thing actually took?" Faith asked, astounded. Every damn pregnancy test they took said it didn't so they went with the in vitro thing instead.

"She did it on purpose," Buffy whispered, still looking at her stomach in awe.

"Willow?" Faith asked, looking at Buffy.

"Well think about it; she was the one that gave us those pregnancy tests that she said would know right away if I was pregnant because of that spell she did. And then when they all turned out negative she pushed for you to let her to her little magical… your egg, my womb in virto fertilization thing not even two weeks later," Buffy answered. Her mouth dropped open. "Oh my god, it's _her _fault I look like a house right now! I knew this couldn't be normal for one baby!"

Damn, Willow is one sneaky witch.

"Why would she want us to have twins though?" Faith asked, not understanding Willow's bottom line in all of this.

"To slowly drive us insane?" Buffy answered, sounding just as perplexed as Faith felt. "I don't know, but we're hardly equipped to raise _one _child, let alone two!"

"Well hey, look at it this way: if we fuck up with one, least we got another," Faith tried to joke. It wasn't well received and Buffy glared at her.

"That's _so _not funny."

"Sorry."

The Seer looked at them, seemingly amused. "Would you like to me to tell you if your girls are healthy? I will need physical contact for that, so if you are not comfortable…"

"Girls?" Faith asked, sounding a little disappointed. Not that she didn't want girls, but she also kind of wanted to prove Buffy wrong.

"Yes, the Slayer line will be passed onto your children; hence why most Slayers usually produce girls. There are exceptions, of course, but they are rare."

"I told you," Buffy said smugly. She rubbed her belly fondly, now that she had mostly gotten over the shock that she was now carrying two babies instead of one. Faith knew there was another freak out on the horizon, but for now she was enjoying this calm, nurturing side of her wife. Buffy looked up at the Seer and told her, "Yes, we'd like to know if they are healthy."

The Seer gave her a soft smile before walking over to her. But before she could put her hands on Buffy's stomach, the blonde stopped her. "But I _will_ kill you if you try anything funny," she warned.

"I am more than aware," the Seer responded before placing her palms flat against Buffy's stomach. She closed her eyes and Faith expected at least some kind of weird light or _something,_ but nothing happened and she took her hands away a moment later, smiling.

"They are both very healthy," she informed them. "And they are both strong; stronger than any children I have ever seen in the womb."

Faith got a smug look on her face then. Yeah, that's her kids for you; already gearing up to kick some ass. It's rare that Faith felt proud about anything, but those kids, man? They're the best thing her and Buffy have ever done. She knew that, so it didn't matter how many times Buffy freaked out, or said they were going to be bad parents, cause in the end Faith knew they were gonna kick _ass _at it.

Once the Seer left, Buffy retired to bed to take a much needed nap. She had been on her feet practically all day and she was complaining that they hurt, so Faith carried her up the stairs to their bedroom. When Faith kissed her on the lips, about to leave, Buffy grabbed her hand. "No, stay."

"You don't want me to call Willow?" Faith asked. She figured Buffy would want answers.

"Yes, but stay while you do it. Then I'll sleep."

"We can call her together after your nap if ya want. Just sayin' it might rile ya all up and since you're trying to sleep…" Faith suggested, trailing off. Buffy shook her head.

"I need to know now," Buffy told her, hoisting herself up to sit comfortably against the pillows she had just propped up. Typical Buffy; always needing to deal with things before allowing herself to relax. But Faith leaned in and gave her a kiss before nodding, leaving the room for a moment to get the phone.

When she came back she flopped back down on their king size bed, lying on her back as she held up the phone, scrolling through her numbers until she found Willow's. She turned her head to look over at Buffy. "Speakerphone?" Buffy nodded, nervously playing with her hands as Faith obliged, turning on the speakerphone while they called Willow.

The phone rang twice before it was picked up. _"Faith!"_ came Willow's cheerful voice from the other end of the line. _"How did it go with the Seer?"_

"Fine. Both our kids are healthy," Faith replied pointedly. She shot a look at Buffy, who raised an eyebrow at the phone.

There's a distinct pause for a moment on the other line, then Willow asked, _"Both?"_ She tried to sound innocent, but Willow has never been the world's best liar.

"You so knew!" Buffy accused, pointing at the phone.

"_Is that Buffy?"_ Willow asked, trying to change the subject.

"Yeah, and she's kinda pissed ya left us halfway up a river without a paddle," Faith answered. "I mean, twins are good and everything – our brains are probably gonna explode halfway outta our skulls from tryin' to raise two kids 'stead of one, but it ain't like we're against the idea or anything. Just kinda wish ya said something."

"_I don't know what you're implying, Faith,"_ Willow answered in a much too innocent tone.

"Come on, cut the crap, Red; we know it was you. The damn pregnancy tests ya gave us were bunk and then you pushed the in vitro thing not even two weeks later!"

"_Alright, alright,"_ Willow conceded. _"I'm sorry, I was just trying to give you both what you wanted!"_

"We didn't say we wanted _twins!"_ Buffy exclaimed, gesturing at her stomach erratically even though Willow couldn't actually see her.

"_No, but when you both were only talking about getting pregnant a year ago, Buffy you said you wished there was some way that you could have a kid that was both yours and Faith's,"_ Willow explained, patiently. _"And, well, I couldn't figure out a way to make one child have genes from both of you, so I thought this was the next best solution."_

"You could have told us!" Buffy protested. "Now we have to go buy another crib and more clothes and… ugh, more of everything, basically. It just would have been nice to know ahead of time, is all."

"_I wanted it to be a surprise."_

"Well, we were surprised," Faith conceded, laughing a little. Buffy was still pouting and looking a little aggravated though, so Faith leaned in and gave her a soft kiss on the lips. "Cheer up, B. We got two kids on the way; that's a happy thing."

"I am happy, I _am,_ I just.." Buffy sighed, looking a little vulnerable. "I feel _so _overwhelmed right now. I was barely prepared for one and now I find out there's two? I'm… wigging a little. What if we can't do this?"

"We can do it," Faith promised her with a smile. "Besides, since Red over here," she addressed Willow on the phone now, "decided to leave an extra egg in your basket she's now on duty to help us with the baby shopping."

"_Shopping!"_ Willow exclaimed, excited. _"Oh, all the little baby things are going to be so cute!"_

"Ha, you get excited now. Wait till it's six hours of the shit and Buffy's about to deck the next stranger in the face who touches her belly," Faith replied, smirking at Buffy's playful glare in her direction.

"Hey, unless I have a shirt on that says 'Rub My Belly,' I don't think it's too much to ask that people I don't know stay at least five feet away from me at all times. It's weird when they just come up and start _touching _me," Buffy said, pouting a little in grumpiness as she rubbed her stomach. "I'm not Buddha."

Faith snorted before turning back to Willow on the phone. "Alright; Saturday, then? You game?"

"_Of course!"_

"Alright, we'll see you then," Faith said before she hung up the phone, sliding it down to the bottom of the bed before climbing up to lay with Buffy. She gave her belly a kiss before she placed one on her lips, then her forehead.

"It's gonna be okay, B. We'll manage," she told her softly, wrapping an arm around her wife as she snuggled into her side. Faith ran her fingers comfortingly through her hair.

"I know. And I'm excited, I am, it's just… this is such a huge step," Buffy replied, running her hand underneath Faith's tank top possessively. She smiled though. "I can't believe we're going to have_ two _babies."

"Crazy, huh?"

Buffy nodded. She took a breath before she leaned up, kissing Faith on the cheek. "Thank you," she whispered, "for being so supportive. I'm glad I married you."

Faith grinned. "Well, there's only room for one of us to completely lose our shit, otherwise we'd probably both end up in the nut house." Buffy giggled.

"You know, I was prepared for the news that we could be spawning the next evil, or that our child has two heads, but I wasn't prepared to discover everything was so… perfect."

"I love you, Buffy," Faith whispered, smiling as she leaned down and kissed the top of her head. "And we're gonna be the most kick ass parents these kids could ever hope for."

Buffy smiled contentedly in her wife's arms. "I know, Faith. And I know they're going to be the best thing to ever happen to us…"

Faith knew Buffy couldn't be any more right, and she couldn't_ wait_ to finally have a family of her own.

**- FIN -**


	6. First Meeting

**006. First Meeting**

"God, grant us the serenity to accept the things we cannot change, courage to change the things we can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

"This blows," Faith muttered, folding her arms across her chest as she slumped a little further into her chair, like she didn't want anyone to recognize her. Not that anyone would, Buffy doubted any of Faith's numerous lovers had enough merit to actually try to change the things that were screwing up their lives; they weren't exactly decent people.

"Just give it a chance," Buffy requested softly, looking over at the younger Slayer. She looked really uncomfortable with this whole ordeal but then again, it wasn't like she was here by choice.

Buffy understood why Faith let herself go this badly; after witnessing her first serious boyfriend get ripped to shreds by vampires three months ago, it was no surprise that she was having problems dealing. Anyone would. The drinking was expected, as was the depression. They gave her space, hoping that it was just her way of dealing with the loss and that it would lessen as time went on. But it didn't lessen; it only got so much worse. When Buffy found her one morning in her room buck naked, completely passed out while the two guys she brought back the night before continued to have their way with her, it was the last straw. She beat the hell out of the two guys for practically _raping_ Faith in her sleep and then threw them out of the castle, telling them if she ever saw them on her property again she'd kill them.

Needless to say, an intervention was held the following day.

Faith didn't take it well, but that was expected. She swore a lot and told them it was none of their business what she did. And maybe it wasn't, but when she brought that kind of shit into_ their_ home, it became their business. They had young, impressionable slayers running around the castle and the last thing they needed was to see one of the original slayers drinking herself into an early grave. Faith was supposed to be a role model and while Buffy used to not have much faith in that ever actually happening in her lifetime, for a little while she really _was_ one. She was good with the girls, great with training, and was always on board. But now? Now she was sinking into this deep depression that no one could seem to get her out of. She was irritable, angry, and seemed to hate everyone and everything around her.

Today was no different. She was looking at everyone in this AA meeting like she wanted to skin them alive.

"Alcoholics Anonymous is a group of men and women who share their experiences, strength, and hope with each other so that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover from alcoholism," the leader of the group started. She was quite homely looking; like the kind of Mom that would bake cookies for their kids after school. It was kind of unnerving for Buffy to see the realism in addiction; that it can really affect anyone, not just people who looked like they grew up on the streets.

Not that Buffy was stereotyping Faith or anything.

"The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking," she went on, addressing the small group of people gathered in the room. "Our primary purpose is to stay sober and help other alcoholics to achieve sobriety."

"Pfft, good luck with that," Faith mumbled under her breath, sounding like an immature child as she idly picked at her nails. Buffy smacked the side of her thigh hard, silently telling her to shut up. She was being incredibly rude. Buffy understood she didn't want to be here, but she didn't have to say things like that. What if one of the other alcoholics heard her, decided her doubt was justifiable, and then tomorrow drinks himself an entire keg of beer and falls asleep on the train tracks? Said hypothetical man could die tomorrow due to a speeding train with bad breaks and it'd all be _Faith's_ fault!

Not that Faith thought about things like that. Sometimes Buffy wondered how Faith could see; what with her head stuck so far up her own ass most days.

She couldn't see how much her problem was affecting everyone else. Maybe she didn't want to see. She was too wrapped up in her own head, sitting under her own dark cloud, to notice that the people that lov— well, _cared _about her, were worried. Faith only cared about how she felt and how to achieve the feeling she thought she needed. She often mistook pleasure for happiness. Even after all these years, she still had yet to realize the difference.

"What the—" Faith started, intending to bitch about just getting smacked. But she got interrupted when Buffy pinched her thigh hard_. "Ow!"_ Faith hissed. She rubbed the offended area, glaring at her like she hoped her gaze would prompt Buffy to burst into flames.

"Don't swear," Buffy whispered, shooting her a look of warning. They were in a church, for God's sake. Buffy may not be religious, but she does know how to have a little respect.

"Was gonna say 'what the hell,' you abusive bitch," Faith sneered softly, trying not to get everyone's attention from their little quarrel.

Oh, right. Faith grew up Catholic. Guess she did have a little respect buried _somewhere _down there. Then again, in a church, is 'hell' really better than 'fuck'?

Faith's insult rolled off of her easily; it wasn't like that was the first time Buffy's ever heard them in her life. Granted, she hadn't heard them for awhile and that was… actually really nice, but the forced sobriety seemed to have kicked Faith into one_ hell_ of bitchy mood, especially because Buffy was her designated babysitter. It wasn't exactly a task that the elder slayer wanted, but even she had to admit that the chances of her stopping Faith from drinking were far higher than anyone else's; though mostly because she had the physical qualifications to _literally _stop her if need be.

Faith complained that they were treating her like a child; that "she wasn't anyone's goddamn responsibility." But when it came to the point where she could no longer care for herself, she kind of forfeited the right to be the one to make her own decisions. Because honestly, the kind of decisions Faith had been making lately… scared Buffy. Faith was dancing with death most days and Buffy _really_ didn't want to hold a funeral anytime soon. So she watched her. She followed her. At first Buffy was trying to be sneaky about it, but Faith caught onto the game far too quickly and that brought on a shouting match that lasted a little over two and a half hours.

"'Abusive' is pushing it," Buffy whispered back. She smacked her leg and then pinched her; for their standards, that was a hug.

"I see we have some newcomers," the leader announced, looking at the two of them pointedly. Buffy felt her cheeks color in embarrassment; she had heard them. "Would you like to introduce yourself?"

Some random man stood up immediately. "Hi! I'm Kyle, and I am an alcoholic." He looked far too pleased with that statement, like he was overly excited to be there. A chorus of "Hi, Kyle's" filled Buffy's ears and okay, even _she _has to admit that was a little creepy; they were all in unison.

The leader then looked to the two of them and Buffy smacked Faith's thigh again, encouraging her to stand up. Faith scowled, clearly not wanting to take part, but she eventually stood up and said, "I'm Faith." There was a long pause that followed that before she finished with a slight mock in her tone, "And I'm an _alcoholic."_

"Hi, Faith," the whole room said. Faith looked completely weirded out by twenty people saying her name at the exact same time and she flopped back down in her seat, crossing her arms over her chest. Then the leader looked to Buffy.

"Oh, I'm not a…" Buffy started, feeling a little embarrassed. "I, uh… I'm just moral support girl," she explained, voice quiet as she realized that she may not even be welcome in this meeting if she's not hooked on the booze. "For her," she finished, nodding her head towards Faith like that wasn't already obvious to everyone around them. But she felt the need to explain her presence there. Faith, however, didn't help her cause much since she outright _snorted _at that.

Thankfully though, she wasn't kicked out. After an hour of listening to the guest speaker talk about their addiction and how it ruined his life, the meeting disbanded and everyone went for the coffee and donuts. Well, all except Faith, who stormed out the church doors. Buffy sighed heavily, following her. She really wanted to eat, but apparently that wasn't going to happen. It was sad too; that strawberry donut was calling to her like a long lost lover.

Buffy can't even remember the last time she was able to eat donuts. Every time they brought some in the house they were devoured by the Slayer Brigade before Buffy could even get near the damn box. Regardless of her pastry woes though, Buffy exited the church to find Faith sitting on the stone wall, lighting up a cigarette. Her aggravation was coming off of her in waves so Buffy took a little more caution when approaching her.

Buffy sat next to her on the wall, though kept a respectable distance. Silence washed between them for a moment as Buffy gave her a second to adjust to her presence. After a little while she asked, "So, how did you like it?"

"Shit's a fuckin' joke," Faith replied flatly, taking another long pull off of her cigarette. When she exhaled, the smoke curled around her lips seductively for a moment before she let her breath out faster, turning it into one long stream. Buffy found herself staring before she could stop herself.

She knew that shouldn't be sexy – smoking is disgusting after all – but Faith always did have an irritating way of making _anything _look hot.

Not that that was significant to the way Buffy looked at her; Faith being hot was a fact, not an opinion.

"Well I'm glad you enjoyed it," Buffy replied sardonically, "because you'll be here again Thursday." Faith turned to look at her, another glare plastered on her features like she actually expected Buffy to be intimidated.

"No I won't."

"_Yes,_ you will," Buffy replied firmly, not about to take any crap about this. "You will be going to these meetings twice a week even if I have to hog tie you and drag you here myself."

"What the fuck is the point, B?" Faith exclaimed, flicking the ash off the end of her cigarette violently; a little _too_ violently, since she ended up breaking the thing in half. She threw it on the ground in annoyance. "No stupid _meeting_ is gonna make things better," she told her as she dug around in her pocket for her pack of smokes. "No stupid meeting is gonna make him come back. No stupid _fucking _meeting where I have to sit there, listening to other people ramble on about _their_ problems, is going to make me feel better about _mine!"_

"Well what do you want; therapy?" Buffy asked, sounding a little perplexed. She was so far out of her element here. "Because we could get you therapy, if that's what you wanted. Giles—"

Faith laughed bitterly. "Yeah, cause that's the thing I need, right? Tell some bitch with a clipboard my boyfriend got ripped to shreds by vamps and that's why I'm so fucked up about everything. You know what would happen? One way ticket to the crazy house, baby." She pulled another cigarette out of her pack, placing it between her painted lips before lighting it up.

"If you had let me finish my sentence," Buffy started, trying to stay calm so they didn't end up getting into another one of their famous shouting matches, "I would have told you that Giles already has a therapist that's dealing with the Slayers; you really didn't think those girls came without problems of their own, did you?"

Faith stayed silent, staring out at the street as she continued to pull long drags off of her cigarette. Buffy sighed.

"All I'm saying is that if you need someone to talk to, we have someone. Someone you can tell _everything_ to that isn't going to put you in a mental hospital because you fight vampires."

"Ain't talkin' to a stranger," Faith told her flatly, eyes still trained in front of her.

"Well then talk to _me,"_ Buffy pleaded gently. _That _finally made Faith look at her. She looked halfway between amused and disbelieving.

"You?" she asked, like the concept of them ever exchanging meaningful words was ridiculous. And maybe it was, maybe they never had a _real_ conversation per say, but that didn't mean it had to stay that way.

"Why not?" Buffy asked, shrugging. "I've known you… a decently long time, and I do have ears." As far as reasons go, she knew that wasn't exactly top notch, but Buffy didn't really have many others besides that. They weren't friends; if anything they were just… coworkers and roommates.

"Pretty sure people don't talk to someone just cause they got ears," Faith replied, looking a little amused as she took another drag of her cigarette.

"_And_ I know you!" Buffy protested, a little miffed she actually left off the important part of her ridiculous argument.

When Faith spoke, smoke wrapped around every word as she exhaled, "You don't know me, B." It wasn't defensive and it wasn't accusing; it just was what it was. Buffy would like to pretend that Faith was wrong, but the sad fact was… she wasn't. Buffy's known Faith for six years and yet they never really _knew _much about each other. They kind of always kept their distance when it came to each other's personal lives.

But here Buffy was now; smack dab in the middle of Faith's personal life and personal problem.

"Well, I'm still offering," Buffy told her seriously, shifting her position on the wall so she could better face her. She watched Faith flick her cigarette into the street and let out a small sigh.

"Thanks, but… not really lookin' for a shoulder to cry on."

Well, Buffy certainly wasn't expecting to feel as rejected as she just did. "Oh," she responded, knowing her face fell. She immediately attempted to rearrange it into a more neutral position and shrugged, like it wasn't really important either way. "Well you don't have to _cry…"_ she attempted, knowing she was pushing the matter.

"Said no, B."

"Okay," Buffy consented, clasping her hands in her lap and looking out at the passing cars. She felt at such a loss about what to do. The meeting didn't seem to open Faith's eyes any and it's not like if they stuck her into rehab that they could contain a Slayer if she wanted to get out. Apart from ridding the castle of any and all alcohol and keeping an eye on her twenty four seven, there wasn't much else that Buffy could think to do.

Faith resented being watched like an out of control toddler though.

"We done here?" Faith asked suddenly, shaking Buffy from her thoughts. The blonde raised her eyebrows as she watched Faith slide from the wall, her sneakers landing on the cement softly. She started walking away, apparently not even waiting for an answer.

"Yeah," Buffy sighed, pulling herself off the wall to follow. "I guess we're done here."

* * *

"I told you to watch them!" Buffy shouted, holding a bottle of rum in her hands and waving it around erratically. She just plucked that out of the hands of a group of young slayers in the basement and she was _not _happy. "You know we can't have this in the castle right now! I can't watch them _and_ Faith at the same time; that's why I appointed the task to you!"

"I'm sorry, Toumoku," Satsu apologized, looking crestfallen from being lectured, especially by Buffy. "But the girls are restless; they need to slay. Being deprived of their natural instinct is making them become… unmanageable."

Understatement. They've been rowdy all day and Xander's starting to get pissed off with how much crap they were breaking as they sparred with each other all over the castle.

"You know I can't go out right now," Buffy replied shortly, hating being put in this position. She rubbed her forehead to calm her oncoming headache. "Can't you take them?"

"I would love to, but there are too many for me to watch on my own."

"Take Willow and Kennedy with you," Buffy told her. "They'll be able to provide you enough back up." She looked down at the bottle in her hand and turned up her nose, never being one to really enjoy a lot of alcohol. Give her something fruity with an umbrella in it and she's sold, but something straight and hard? No thank you. "And get rid of this, please," she requested, holding it out to Satsu. The girl took it from her.

"I'll go round everyone up," Satsu told her, giving her a short, polite bow before she turned, hurrying off in the other direction.

"I told you, you don't have to—" Buffy started, but Satsu had already rounded the corner. "Bow," she finished softly, dragging her fingers through her hair and sighing. Ever since they broke up, Satsu had been overcompensating with being obnoxiously respectful towards her. At least that was when they were actually ever _around _one another, which seemed to be a rarity; Satsu would always find some excuse not to be in close proximity to her.

It killed Buffy to know she broke her heart, but she knew it would be worse if she continued to stay with her when she wasn't the one she wanted.

Not that Buffy had a specific_ someone_ in mind, but still; she knew Satsu wasn't it. That was enough for her to know she shouldn't be doing it.

Buffy let out a heavy breath and made her way back to Faith's room, needing to check on her. She had already left her alone for far too long. The sun had almost completely set now and Buffy could feel the Slayer inside of her being pulled towards the darkness, wanting to hunt. Faith would be no different. While Buffy had learned to control the instinct over the years, Faith hadn't. She became just as restless as the younger slayers downstairs; always itching to either slay or fuck when the sun went down.

Buffy rapped her knuckle lightly against the brunette's door, hoping for an open invitation but knowing she won't get one. In fact, she didn't get any answer at all. She was ignored.

Buffy opened the door slowly, making sure Faith was actually still _in_ her room, but breathed a sigh of relief once she saw the younger girl sitting cross-legged on her bed. "Y'know, privacy isn't just a concept," Faith told her flatly, staring down at a comic book that was laid out on her bed.

"I know, but… I needed to check on you," Buffy told her, feeling a little guilty for invading Faith's privacy all the time. But it isn't like Faith left her with any other choice. "Are you feeling alright?"

"Not havin' the urge to throw myself off a bridge, if that's what you mean," Faith answered sardonically as she idly flipped the page. She was trying to appear casual, but she was anything but. Buffy could see how tense her muscles were, how her hand shook just slightly as she gripped the paper between her fingers.

"Well that's a start," Buffy replied, looking her over. Faith still had not given her a glance; like Buffy was deemed unimportant at the moment. "Can I come in?"

"You're going to whether I say you can or not, so sure," Faith answered, still heavy with the mocking in her voice. She was not happy with this; that much was clear. But Buffy took the invitation at face value and walked into her room, closing the door behind her.

"You're restless," she pointed out, noticing Faith was having a hard time concentrating on the comic in front of her.

"And you state the obvious."

Buffy sighed. She knew Faith wouldn't be easy to deal with, especially at this time of night. The girl wanted to go out; Buffy noticed each time her eyes would shift to the window, a longing expression on her face. But what could she do? She didn't trust Faith enough not to run off and go get hammered in some sleazy bar somewhere.

"I'm sorry," Buffy apologized, which actually made Faith look up at her finally. "I know this is hard for you. But there are other options than going out, you know; if you're that… wound up."

Faith cocked an eyebrow at her, "You offerin'?"

"What? No!" Buffy replied quickly, her cheeks turning a light rosy hue as she realized the implication Faith's words. "A big resounding _no _to that, thank you. I just meant… we have other Slayers in the house; you have to have noticed the way some of them look at you." This conversation was definitely a weird one to be having, but if it would calm Faith down a little and take her mind off of alcohol, it kind of needed to be had.

"Yeah, well," Faith started, shifting on the bed so she was now situated against the wall, legs straight out in front of her with one crossed over the other, "Ain't really into the whole chick thing."

Buffy was sure her brain just broke.

"What?" she asked, like Faith just told her she was going to be the next President of the United States. "But you… and the flirting!" she stumbled, not being able to wrap her mind around this concept. "Faith, you flirted with me _relentlessly_ when we were teenagers."

Faith smirked. "I just liked seein' ya blush. Didn't actually want in your pants or anything." Buffy just blinked, staring at her like she was speaking German; she didn't understand a word of it. "You disappointed?" Faith asked, sounding amused.

"_No,_ I just…" Buffy started, trying to convince herself she actually _wasn't_ disappointed. In all honesty, Faith was the reason Buffy realized she was bisexual; all that flirting actually got to her. Not that she'll ever tell Faith that though. She didn't want her or anything _now_, but still; finding out your first crush on a girl was merely fun and games for said girl did tend to wound a person. "You, uh," Buffy stumbled, but then just went with, _"Never?"_ Her curiosity was far more dominant than her good sense at the moment.

Faith shrugged. "Tried it out in prison since it was my only option. It wasn't like it was bad or anything, but it ain't nothin' like a man. Trust me; there's no better feeling than a hard dick inside you, Princess." She winked at Buffy, though the blonde didn't blush. She was still looking at her like she didn't understand how this conversation turned into, well, _this._ She had been so sure that Faith liked women.

"But, uh… I mean, it still… _satisfied _you, right?" Buffy asked, not seeing how it couldn't. Then again, she was bisexual and Faith apparently… wasn't.

Buffy hated how disappointed that actually made her. It was like the world she knew was suddenly backwards.

Faith smirked. "Ya know, B; you ask a lot of questions for someone who doesn't have a personal interest in the matter." That made Buffy flush, embarrassed that she was pressing Faith for details of her lesbian encounters.

"Sorry, it's just hard to take in. I've always assumed… well, you know."

"Ain't like I'm entirely against it if I gotta get off bad enough," Faith answered. "But when push comes to shove, rather have a dick buried inside of me than someone's fingers."

"Girls use sex toys, you know; it's not all fingers," Buffy defended, then flushed an even deeper crimson as she realized what just came out her mouth. "Oh god, forget I just said that." Faith laughed at her expression; the first laugh she had heard since her boyfriend died. Buffy couldn't help but smile shyly, secretly pleased she accomplished that. She had been feeling so useless lately about this whole situation; it was nice to know she didn't entirely suck at it on some level.

"Somethin' you ain't tellin' me, B? Sounds like you're trying to convince me, here," Faith pointed out, still chuckling from Buffy's slip up.

"I'm not! I'm _so_ not!" Buffy replied quickly, not wanting Faith to think that she's trying to get her to sleep with her. She's _not._ "And there's nothing to tell of the… noteworthy variety."

"Uh huh," Faith replied, disbelievingly. She had this irritating little smirk on her face and it made Buffy narrow her eyes at her, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Don't do that annoying thing you do; the cocky thing. I don't want you or anything," Buffy told her. "I was just trying to… suggest something; something that very much didn't include me!"

Faith chucked. "Relax, B. Don't want ya to bust a vein or anything. I was just fuckin' with you." Buffy noticeably relaxed at that.

"Oh," she replied, a little sheepish.

"But you're right," Faith told her, making eye contact with her. The intensity of her gaze made Buffy flush again and back up a step. "I do need someone to fuck." Or something to kill, but that wasn't an option for her right now.

"Well, uh…" Buffy stammered, trying to think of a solution. "We don't exactly have any guys in this house other than Xander, Giles, and Andrew and I don't think—"

"Pretty sure I'd stab myself in the gut repeatedly before I screwed any of them," Faith told her, a look of disgust crossing her face that made Buffy giggle. Yeah, that would be really weird. And with Giles it would just be… gross. Ew. That wouldn't even begin to cover daddy issues.

"Yeah," Buffy affirmed. She let out a breath, feeling useless again. "I don't know what to tell you. Sorry; I know how hard this time of night is, trust me."

"What about you?" Faith asked, cocking her head to the side as she assessed her.

"Me?"

"Yeah; you ain't out with the brigade either. That mean you gonna take that little Asian chick for a little roll in the sack tonight?" Faith asked, completely catapulting the unspoken boundaries set between them. Then again, Buffy was the one that opened the damn door with the whole sex conversation.

"We… uh, we're not…" she trailed off, finding this an odd thing to talk about with Faith, "doing that anymore," Buffy finished awkwardly, shifting her weight between the balls of her feet. She licked her dry lips and stared at the floor for a second.

"No? Girl worships you, B; figured you'd be into that."

Buffy ignored the implication behind that and replied, "She was looking for something I couldn't give her." It was a vague, yet truthful answer.

Faith cocked an eyebrow. "So what; you gonna go out slaying later?" she asked, apparently not seeing another option besides hunting and sex.

"No," Buffy answered, leaning back against Faith's closed door. "I learned to control my urges a long time ago; I'll survive."

Faith outright snorted at that. "You're so full of shit."

"Excuse you?"

"B, you know as well as I do that if you can't hunt and you can't fuck, every night you got your fingers buried in your pussy trying to find some way to get out the slayer's excess energy," Faith replied, looking at Buffy like her denying it would be stupid. Buffy flushed, but didn't fully give into the embarrassment. She _shouldn't_ be embarrassed about that; a slayer's sex drive was completely insane compared to a normal girl's. Buffy couldn't help that.

"That's a part of controlling it, Faith," she retorted, like she should know that. If she didn't masturbate she'd have been just as promiscuous as the brunette was. "Maybe you should try it sometime instead of bringing home every guy you see." She knew that was a little harsh, but it _was_ the truth.

"Why; ya wanna watch?" Faith shot back with a suggestive tone, which finally makes Buffy stumble over her words and get really embarrassed, looking away from her.

"No! God, you—ugh, why do you do this?" she spluttered, feeling mortified just from the mere suggestion; or rather, mortified by the slew of images that just assaulted her sanity as her brain seemed to have a little bit too much fun with that scenario.

"Because it's fuckin' funny," Faith replied, smirking like she just won this round. And maybe she did, but Buffy wasn't going to submit to her willingly.

"You're intolerable, you know that?" Buffy snapped, annoyed that she got the better of her.

"So I've heard."

Buffy chewed on the inside of her cheek, a look of annoyance plastered on her face. She came, she saw, she's done. After a moment of silence Buffy nodded her head towards the door. "Look, I'm just gonna… go now; give you some privacy. But I'll be back, so don't… you know,_ leave_ and ruin my night by making me chase you all around town."

"Because I wouldn't want to ruin _your _night," Faith responded flatly. Buffy sighed; clearly Faith's two second good mood was over and done with. Buffy didn't say anything in response; she just gave her a soft, encouraging smile before she slipped out the door, closing it behind her. She hoped this would be the beginning of Faith's healing process, but she also knew better than to expect that nothing would go wrong.

* * *

There's mad, there's furious… and then there's Buffy right now.

Finding Faith hiding in a closet with a bottle of tequila wasn't the bad part. The bad part was when she didn't find her alone. The two younger Slayers who were with her apparently thought they would win points with Faith by giving her what she _really _didn't need and now have been getting screamed at by Buffy for the better part of the last half hour.

There wasn't even a _word _for what Buffy was right now. Angry didn't cover it. She had the urge to beat the living crap out of both of them just to teach them a lesson, but Satsu held her back, which, well, didn't win any points for Satsu either. Buffy turned on her, screaming about how she was put in charge and once again she had let her down, which prompted tears to spring up in the younger girl's eyes.

Logically, Buffy knew that Satsu being put in charge of forty girls was probably too much to handle; she couldn't watch every single one of them all the time. But seeing Faith drunk again pushed Buffy over the edge. It had been two weeks; Faith had been sober for _two whole weeks_ and now they're back to square one again. It was devastating; Buffy thought that maybe she was finally getting through to her. Clearly she wasn't.

"Every single one of the Slayers are _grounded,"_ Buffy spat, mid tirade. "They aren't to leave their dorm rooms or I swear to God—"

"You can't ground us!" one the girls caught with Faith – Vanessa – exclaimed.

"I can and I will!" Buffy screamed. "You have _no _idea what you just did. This isn't some stupid _game,_ Vanessa! Faith is in serious trouble and if I can't expect any of you to help then I'm _damn_ sure not going to let you frolic around and make shit _worse!_ If you all are going to act like children, then I'll treat you like children!"

"Buffy, how do you expect to keep forty girls in their rooms?" Satsu asked, voice tiny; she's afraid of bringing up something that was probably a valid question.

"I don't know; I'll have you all take shifts watching the hallways!" Buffy shouted, not really caring how the plan is going to be executed, only that it will be. "And if a single one of them steps foot out of their room you come get me, and trust me when I tell you they _won't_ like what happens then." She shot a death glare at the two culprits and both girls slunk back behind Satsu. "Now _go!"_ The two girls hurried off, back to their rooms.

"Fuck," Buffy breathed, all of the stress hitting her at once. She collapsed against the wall, putting her head in her hands as she slowly slid down to a sitting position. "I can't do this," she mumbled, feeling completely overwhelmed. She didn't sign up to be a mother for forty teenage girls.

"Do you want me to…?" Satsu started, looking at her with a worried expression on her face. She was probably asking if she wanted her to stay; comfort her. Buffy didn't want that.

"Just… go," she told her, letting out a breath and looking up at the girl as she ran her fingers through her hair. "Make sure all the Slayers are in their rooms. Please." Satsu nodded softly before giving her a quick bow. She then made her way down the hallway and around the corner, disappearing from sight.

Buffy didn't know how long she sat there, but it had to be have been quite awhile. She knew she needed to go in and check on Faith, but she really _really_ didn't want to. She didn't want to see how everything she had done over the last two weeks had been for nothing. Buffy had her head in her hands until she felt someone sit next to her; then she finally looked up.

Willow was looking at her with a sympathetic expression on her face. "I'm sorry," she said, putting her hand on Buffy's knee in a comforting gesture.

"I don't know what do anymore, Will," Buffy admitted softly, feeling really weak all of a sudden. All the screaming and stress seemed to take a lot out of her.

"It's only been two weeks," Willow reminded her gently. "You know these things take time. You can't expect Faith never to relapse; that'd be unrealistic." She squeezed Buffy's knee gently. "She's hurting, Buffy; that takes time to get over. Be there for her, but don't…" she trailed off, sighing slightly.

"Don't what?" Buffy asked, looking at her.

Willow looked hesitant to say what she was thinking, but found herself doing it nonetheless. "Don't make it your whole life," she told her. "You've been… well, Faith has been your own priority lately. You have a castle full of Slayers that need training and you're barley giving them the time of day, and now I hear you've grounded them all to their rooms? You can't just put them away somewhere so you don't have to deal. They're your responsibility."

"They gave Faith alcohol!"

"Two of them did, not all of them. You're pushing them away in a corner so you can primarily deal with what's going on with Faith," Willow told her, completely calling her out. "And I'm sorry… but maybe Faith needs to learn to do this on her own. It's not fair for everyone to suffer just because of what she's going through."

Buffy stared at her incredulously. "Faith _can't_ do this on her own, Willow. She's _Faith._ And I can't believe you'd say that; she witnessed the only person she ever really cared for being _murdered_. It's not like she's fucking up on purpose!"

"He's been gone for over three months, Buffy," Willow reminded her gently. "I'm not saying she should be totally back to normal, but she's only seemed to have gotten worse. We all know a thing or two about death. We've all lost someone we loved. And I know I'm not one to judge because I went psychotic when Tara died and flayed a man alive, but even after that… a few months later I had made progress; I healed some. Faith hasn't. And… well, I…"

"You what?" Buffy asked, annoyed at Willow's hesitation.

"I think it's because she's enjoying the attention she's getting from you," Willow told her honestly, an apologetic look on her face because she had to say that out loud.

Buffy shook her head. "That's ridiculous. And she _has_ made progress, Will. She was sober for two weeks."

"Slayers don't withdraw from alcohol the same way humans do," Willow pointed out to her. "She hasn't been sweating, vomiting, or shaking. She's been moody, but otherwise fine. It's not a physical thing; she doesn't _need _it because her body can't be addicted to it. She wants it; it's as simple as that. She could have stayed sober if she wanted to, but I think this was a cry for attention more than anything else and I… I don't think you should condone it, Buffy. Faith needs to grow up and learn to stand on her own two feet. We're all here for her, but we can't coddle her."

"I'm not coddling her!" Buffy protested loudly.

"You barely paid her any attention until you found out she was drinking herself half to death," Willow told her, pointing out something Buffy didn't particularly want to see. "And now suddenly you're obsessed with helping her, when Faith had so many more problems before this that you so easily ignored. So why now?"

"Because she needs help and _apparently_ I'm the only one willing to give it!" Buffy shouted, getting angry as she hoisted herself off the floor, glaring at Willow. Okay, so maybe she and Faith had never been the best of friends, but she's not going to just sit back and watch a fellow Slayer drink herself into an early grave. Faith had so much more potential than that. And maybe, _maybe_ she was feeling a little guilty for never helping Faith with her other problems throughout her life. Maybe Buffy even blames some of those problems on herself.

"I need to go check on her," she told Willow shortly before turning on her heel and walking away without letting her friend get another word out. God, she wasn't _coddling _Faith; she needed help, for shit's sake.

When she opened the door to Faith's room, she found her passed out on the bed. She was strewn across it haphazardly, shoes and socks still on and feet halfway up the wall as her head lay dangling off the end of the bed. Buffy sighed softly, closing the door behind her before crossing the room. She sat down on the bed, trying to move Faith to a somewhat normal position so all the blood didn't end up rushing to her head. Faith yawned sleepily and shifted a little, laying her head on Buffy's lap. Buffy had half a mind to move her, but only sighed softly figuring 'why bother?' Instead, she softly ran her fingers through Faith's hair, looking down at the girl on top of her.

"Willow says you're doing this for attention," Buffy told her softly, fingers still idly combing through her hair. "I really hope you're not."

"Already get enough attention for bein' hot, B," Faith mumbled sleepily, making Buffy's hand still in her hair. She didn't think she was awake. "Don't need any for this fucked up shit."

"Glad to know your modesty is still intact," Buffy replied, smirking a little. She pursed her lips and began softly running her fingers through the girl's hair again; something Faith apparently enjoyed since it seemed to make her snuggle into her more. "Are you feeling alright?" she asked. She didn't want to get onto Faith about drinking when she was still drunk; she knew it wouldn't end well.

"Fuckin' peachy," Faith slurred; unmoving, eyes still closed.

"You know you're in my lap, right?" Buffy asked, just trying to make sure. Faith and she have never exactly been big with the closeness.

"Aware," Faith mumbled. She yawned. "Y'know, for someone so boney you're actually kinda comfortable."

"I'm not boney!" Buffy protested, making Faith chuckle. "But… thank you." She scrunched up her face after that, knowing that was a strange thing to be complimented on.

"Welcome," Faith slurred, shifting on the bed again so she can get her head further into Buffy's lap. One of her arms came up to wrap around Buffy's legs. The blonde's eyebrows rose, but she didn't say anything about it. Faith had always been kind of a touchy feely drunk.

"You know you can't sleep here, right?"

"S'My room."

"I meant on my lap. I'll have to move eventually."

"Course ya gotta," Faith slurred, eyes still closed. "Wouldn't be Buffy if ya didn't suck all the fun out of the room."

"Hey! I resent that!" Buffy exclaimed, narrowing her eyes at her. She flicked the top of Faith's head, which prompted the younger girl to exclaim, 'Ow!' and look up at her, glaring, as she rubbed the offended area of her scalp.

"Jeez, B. You take everything so fuckin' seriously."

Faith moved to sit up and Buffy instantly regretted flicking her because she kind of liked having Faith's head in her lap. It kind of… felt nice, to be needed. God, maybe this really was unhealthy. Faith being needy and Buffy wanting to be needed didn't exactly spell out success; no wonder everything is still going to shit. Codependence is not a good thing; neither is the attention they both craved from one another for whatever reason.

Then again, it wasn't like the whole 'Buffy and Faith relationship' had ever been the picture of health or sanity.

"I should go," Buffy said, moving to get up. "You need sleep…"

"Nah, stay," Faith said, mid yawn as she stretched her arms over her head. Her eyes tried to focus on Buffy directly after that, but the blonde noticed that she was having trouble seeing her; she was probably seeing two of her. It made Faith furrow her eyebrows and shake her head before blinking a couple times, then she nodded as she affirmed silently in her head that yes, there was only one Buffy present.

Buffy frowned. This was the first time Faith didn't want her to leave, when usually she was advocating for her to get as far away as possible. Then again, she _was_ drunk, so her behavior was bound to be off. Really off.

"But you're just going to be sleeping," Buffy protested lightly. She _knew_ Faith needed sleep. If she started wandering around the castle piss drunk like this there was bound to be some issues. Besides, she looked _really_ tired. Party's over, obviously.

"Then sleep with me," Faith told her, stifling another yawn as she moved to lie at the head of her bed. Buffy's mind involuntarily went to a dirty place when she said that and the blonde blushed. But it was a testament to how drunk, and how much Faith _wasn't_ paying attention, when she didn't comment on it, nor even notice that she had just made an innuendo to build off of. "Know you're stressin'," she went on, burying the side of her head in the pillow. "Shit's comin' off you in waves," she mumbled, closing her eyes. "Just take a nap. Fuck it."

Yeah, Faith must be _really_ out of it if she just offered to share her bed with Buffy. Faith didn't even sleep with the people she… well, _slept_ with. Buffy wasn't even sure if Faith had ever really shared a bed with anyone for the night.

But she was right. She _was_ worn out. Besides, Faith's sudden, yet drunken, interest of having her in her bed intrigued Buffy.

Not for sexy reasons, obviously. For… friendly, Faith-may-be-softening-up reasons.

"Move over," Buffy told her gently, sitting on the edge of the bed and kicking off her shoes. Faith obliged sleepily, shifting so she was on the side closest to the wall. Buffy climbed in next to her, lying so they're face to face. Faith's eyes were closed, but Buffy knew she could feel her looking at her. It was kind of scary how innocent she looked when she was relaxed.

They lie there in silence for a while, Buffy taking a moment to really _look_ at Faith now that she was so close and her eyes were closed. It was such a rarity for her to be able to… she didn't want to say take a moment to _appreciate_ her beauty, but in all honesty it was kind of close to that. Before she knew what she was doing, she reached out, brushing a piece of chocolate brown hair away from Faith's eyes.

"I wish you didn't drink tonight," Buffy admitted to her softly.

"Why?" Faith mumbled, sounding close to drifting off. Buffy took a breath, continuing to idly play with Faith's hair. It was a rather intimate position, but Buffy found she'd rather just enjoy it than risk freaking out if she analyzed it. Besides, Faith didn't seem to mind. Or maybe she just didn't notice.

"Because you're so much _better_ than that," Buffy told her strongly. It seemed to be enough to make Faith actually open her eyes and Buffy frowned, brushing another piece of hair away from her face. "It's hard for me to see you like this, when…" she sighed softly, "Faith, before all this happened you were so amazing. I'll be honest, I never really expected you to ever act like a responsible adult, but you were. The girls adored you, much more than me anyway. They loved training with you, sparring with you, slaying with you. You got up in the morning with no complaint and did what you had to do and I was… I was _really_ proud of you."

Faith didn't say anything; she just looked at Buffy with expression the blonde couldn't read.

"I know you're hurting, I'm not diminishing that," Buffy told her softly, making a point to look directly in Faith's eyes so she knew she was serious. "But it kills me to see you destroy everything you've worked so hard to build. I've seen who you are Faith and I've seen who you can become and…" she gave her a small, yet sad smile. "I really want _that_ Faith back. You're too strong to become a slave to something that's so… _human._ Addiction is such a human thing and we're Slayers, Faith. We're _better _than that." She looked her in the eyes and told her seriously, "_You're _better than that."

Buffy expected Faith to say something, anything at all, but she didn't. Maybe it was because she was drunk, or maybe it was because something Buffy said actually touched her, but she leaned in and softly pressed her lips to Buffy's. The blonde's eyes went wide for a moment, but instinct kicked it and she leaned into the kiss, parting her lips as her eyes fluttered closed.

She never expected Faith to kiss so… sweetly.

It didn't last as long as Buffy would have liked. When Faith pulled back, Buffy couldn't stop her face from masking in confusion. It _was_ unexpected. Faith didn't even like women and now suddenly she was kissing the one person who used to be her mortal enemy? Awkward. It was… nice; really nice actually, but awkward.

"What…?" Buffy started, sounding perplexed.

"Was just supposed to say thanks," Faith explained, yawning a little mid-sentence. She shrugged lightly. "Guess I did that instead. I dunno why; wasn't really thinking about it." She closed her eyes, snuggling into her pillow, letting out another short yawn. "Night, B."

Buffy stared at her for a moment. That's it? As far as answers went, that wasn't exactly top notch. Then again, Faith was drunk and tired. There was a strong possibility she wouldn't even remember this come morning. So Buffy let out a soft sigh, settling into her pillow.

"Night, F."

* * *

"Thirty days," Faith announced, slamming her sobriety medallion on the table in front of them. "Suck it, Harris. You owe me fifty large." She grinned ear to ear as Xander grumbled something inaudible and started rifling through his pockets for his wallet.

"You bet _against _her?" Buffy asked, shocked. "Xander!" That was so counterproductive to what they were actually trying to achieve here.

"Hey, no; she made me!" Xander protested as he placed a fifty into Faith's outstretched hand. Faith grinned and pocketed it as Buffy turned on her, outstretching her hands like 'what the hell?'

"What?" Faith asked innocently, leaning against the counter. "I needed someone to bet against me; money's a damn good motivator." She looked to the rest of the people in the room. "So who's got a hundred on me not makin' it to ninety? Any takers?"

Buffy rolled her eyes. But hey, whatever worked.

Nobody seemed to want to take her bet though, so Faith turned to Buffy. "C'mon, B; whadaya say?"

"I am so not forking over a hundred bucks, Faith," Buffy told her. She didn't have that kind of money. "But if you go to ninety than I'll… um…" she racked her brain for something suitable, coming up with, "I'll take you out to dinner or something."

"Aww, it'll be our first date," Faith jested. Xander, who was sulking over his loss with a bag of Doritos, started to choke on a chip. Willow had to slap him on the back to help him dislodge it and Faith laughed, explaining, "B here's got a huge crush on me."

"I do _not!"_ Buffy protested, her cheeks flushing a little in embarrassment. Not because of what Faith said, but because everyone was looking at her like she had grown two heads. "Shut up, Faith. You're such an ass," she mumbled. Faith had been teasing her about this imaginary 'crush' for the last month.

Okay, the crush may or may not be imaginary, but regardless! If it was there, it was only a tiny one. Like, so miniscule it doesn't even show a blip on the radar.

Faith grinned big. "So where ya gonna take me?" She looked so excited about something that might happen two months from now. Faith was kind of like a kid in that way though.

"Nowhere now," Buffy mumbled grumpily, frowning at being picked on.

Faith poked her side, which prompted Buffy to slap her hand. "C'mon, where?" Faith pestered, knowing she was annoying Buffy. She continued to poke her.

"I swear to God if you poke me one more time I'm going to break your finger."

So of course Faith poked her again.

"_Faith!"_ Buffy exclaimed, but Faith already took off running out of the kitchen and out the backdoor. Buffy sped off after her, unable to contain the laughter.

While the last month had been hard, Faith and Buffy had grown a lot closer during it. It was probably because Buffy was the only one who was there for her through everything. Not many people put their faith in the rogue slayer during her lifetime, so it stood to reason that the first person who did would be the first person Faith actually opened up to. She didn't say a lot, but she said enough. For someone like her, even one sentence about how she was feeling was a milestone, and Buffy was pretty sure she said at least a paragraph; which was pretty damn phenomenal. But ever since then their friendship had… grown. They actually hung out now, instead of only seeing each other during training and slaying.

And yeah, maybe Buffy did develop some sort of small, VERY small, practically nonexistent it's so tiny… crush on her. But Faith was her first crush on a girl and the kiss was… well, more than nice. But that was it. She wasn't like… pining after her or anything. She understood Faith didn't swing that way so when she had fleeting moments of fantasies, Buffy kept them private. Most fantasies never come true anyway.

It didn't matter though, any of it. In reality, the only thing that made any difference at all was Faith finally getting sober again; finally getting her life back on track. And you know what? Helping Faith do that was one of the things she was most proud of her in life.

And Buffy wouldn't change that for the world.

**- FIN -**


	7. Hardest Truth

**007. Hardest Truth**

"You need a fucking hearing aid or something?" Faith exclaimed, whipping around to shove the Italian boy with the wandering hands back away a few paces. His face masked in surprise as he stumbled, somehow managing to not only trip over his own two feet in the process, but also to fall backwards; subsequently scraping his arm on a stray nail that was slightly protruding from the wall.

Karma, ladies and gentlemen.

Faith had half a mind to just throw him straight back out on his ass, though controlled the urge because she really couldn't afford to pass up the fifty bucks that the douche had offered her. But for one kid, one night? That was like triple what she normally charged. Still, even though this rich bastard flashed around his money like it summed up the quality of his prepubescent cock, it didn't mean that his money would save his wrist from being snapped clean in half if he ever tried to put his hand down Faith's pants again.

Of course she could always just say 'screw it'; beat the guy to shit right now and rob his ass blind. It'd get their interaction over with quicker, but that was about the only upside. The minute word hit the streets that she fucked over a client, her business would go down the shitter in a matter of days and she'd be forced into a lifestyle she didn't want just so she could keep a fucking roof over her head. Faith didn't want to constantly worry about where her next score was coming from; that'd be such a shit way to live. And contrary to the rapidly circulating rumor at Sunnydale High, she wasn't _actually_ bred with the sole purpose of one day becoming a con woman, prostitute, or drug dealer.

Fine, so maybe her 'business' wasn't exactly legit either… or even legal for that matter, but Faith was pretty fucking proud of herself for finding a way to make money that actually did some small bit of good in between the complete clusterfuck of devastation that surrounded most of these kids' lives.

Unfortunately, devastation didn't seem to go anywhere _near_ the Future Trust Fund Molester; who, out of everyone in the room, might stand to actually become a decent fucking person if only he had a rainstorm of shit in his life. Faith knew better than most that after you've lost everything, you'll start to appreciate damn near _everything_ that comes your way. Be a fucking idiot not to.

As irritating as he was though, Faith was glad the kid was privileged; meant he could pay out the ass, and she needed that right now. Directing him to the nearest cot in the already overcrowded, tiny motel room; Faith got real serious, real fast, "Read my lips, Pedro; cause I'm gonna say this one more time: _I don't fuck my clientele._ So unless you wanna try your chances at avoiding the parental units while you stick that needle in your arm, I'd sit the fuck down and do what you're told. I don't tolerate bullshit here."

It was a complete shit hole, but Faith made a point to keep it a safe place for these kids. It was either here or the streets for most of them. No one out _there_ is gonna babysit you while you're high; when you OD on a park bench in the middle of the night, no one will fucking care. When you fuck with drugs and the homeless, everything could go to shit in a matter of minutes. You're a target for thieves and rapists when you're fucked that bad, wandering around on your own. Not to mention vampires and whatever the fuck else out there that might want to feed on you.

They already knew though, what was left of Sunnydale's homeless. They knew down to a T what really happened at night, but maybe they had to, to have survived this long. Just weird sometimes, hearing people other than B and her friends talking about vamps and shit. Faith had assumed that most people in this town were complete idiots, but apparently not.

"Dude, Faith can bench press like… _a thousand pounds_," a regular and friend of Faith's – a flamingly gay, seventeen year old pothead and chronic procrastinator – Nate, mentioned. Pedro laughed, thinking it was some kind of joke.

No surprise there.

"No lie; bitch is like Xena. Two weeks ago I saw her throw a guy who was easily like… fuck, he had to have been at least three times your size or something, out onto his flabby ass and into the rain, like the bastard was nothing but a bag of sticks." A smirk crept across Nate's face. "Wonder what she'll do to you if you don't quit being a handsy little hetero. Last dude that was rude to her ended up with a broken collarbone, but I think a guy like you could pull off the double arm cast look; probably even make it popular."

Pedro looked torn between wanting to laugh and trying not to cry from that information, obviously still unsure of whether or not he was being fucked with. Faith lightly kicked Nate's lounging figure on the carpet to get his attention. "Quit trying to scare off my clients unless you plan to find replacements for the one's you lose," Faith warned him. While her tone was light, she knew Nate could tell she was serious.

Not that he took it as such though.

"I already told you, Dimps; I'm gonna take you away from all this after I graduate. Get us a real apartment and _everything. _Pretty sure there will even be electricity and a bucket to shit in, if you wish hard enough. Cause wishes are fucking horses, or whatever."

Faith laughed. "You repeated the ninth grade three times; exactly when the hell do you actually expect to _graduate?" _

She was met with a shrug.

"Probably when they start making school more appealing than pot and video games."

"Why don't you just—hey, hey, hey," Faith interrupted herself as she held out her hand to Pedro, who was in the middle of tying a tourniquet around his arm. "I need that fifty in my hand before I see a needle in your arm. This ain't a free ride, especially not for someone who can actually afford to pay it regularly."

Pedro didn't look too thrilled to hear that their arrangement for the day was about to become a permanent deal, but he was the one that offered that high of an amount in the first place. He wanted to be able to guarantee himself a spot whenever he came, since some days it could be next to impossible to get in.

Due to the motel room being such a tiny piece of shit, Faith could only hold six people at a time; or rather six cots, which honestly _could_ hold two average sized kids in each, but not many people are willing to share a bed with a stranger. Not that Faith can blame them, but that's all she can fit comfortably at the moment. Well, unless she wanted to start piling people into _her_ motel room next door. Which, to be honest, wasn't ever gonna happen because as much as Faith loved the shit out of some of these people, if she let crack heads and tweekers around everything that she owned it'd be just like handing out a sign that said, 'free shit, have at it.'

Besides, most people in SunnyD didn't even know about her safe haven for the perpetually fucked up. The only people who knew were those needing their fix and the motel manager, who got 10% of the monthly profits just to keep his fat mouth shut, plus however many rooms she was renting for the week. Besides, the Scooby Gang was all so fucking straight-laced and covered in goddamn rainbows that the very _second _that one of them figured out what was really going on, they'd up and tell Giles. Faith wasn't sure if the old man would nark on her to the cops, but she'd rather not risk it, which was another reason for a separate room.

That way Xan could still come over during the day; chill and play Xbox for awhile, and Buffy could kick it with her at night after a good slay, relieving at least _one_ of their H's together. Neither of them had a clue about what was going on next door, although Buffy did nearly storm in there a couple weeks ago when some of the candy kids were being wicked loud at assfuck in the morning, destroying Buffy's dream of getting any beauty sleep that night. The next day Faith had to put up a big ass sign in the room that said, 'If you value your larynx, shut the fuck up after 11pm.' There hadn't been many incidents with volume since then, but now Buffy refused to sleep there.

Not that it mattered; Faith hated sharing a bed anyway. She used to never let anyone spend the night – would much rather gouge her own eyes out with a rusty spoon, in fact – but one night Buffy started pouting and somehow a temporary lapse of judgment occurred on Faith's part.

Whatever. Buffy hogged all the covers anyway.

It was kinda perfect though, outside of the fact that Faith had to hire Nate to babysit whenever she went out to slay or party. Problem was, even though Faith told him that he couldn't be stoned while he was fucking _working,_ it was pretty obvious to anyone with eyes that he always left high out of his mind. There was no one else that Faith trusted though, so it wasn't like she had any other option. Plus, leaving the place in the hands of a stoner was better than in the hands of… well, nearly any other addict who frequented the place.

Normally Faith didn't accept kids who wanted a place to do the soft drugs; weed, most prescription crap, whatever… She had limited space and it was either the hardcore addicts that really needed the place, or the homeless kids who stupidly insisted on taking hallucinogenics even though the last thing they needed was to be out on the streets, out of control. But Nate was the one who suggested she start the place back in August, so she wasn't about to turn him away if there were any spots available.

After Faith tucked away Pedro's cash, she smacked him on the shoulder to get his attention again. She knew once he stuck that needle in his arm he'd be completely useless, and this was important. "And since you obviously weren't listening before about my hands off policy," she started, nodding her head towards the syringe he was holding, "You probably tuned out my policy on needles too like a dumbass, considering it's a pretty fucking important rule in this place. So listen carefully, cause I ain't in the habit of handing out second chances: you share your needles, I dislocate your spine. You leave them lying around the floor where someone could step on them, I shatter your kneecaps. I ain't having this place turn into the Hepatitis capitol of the world, so use a clean needle every time or I ain't hosting your habit anymore. Clear?"

"Whatever you say, sexy mama," Pedro responded, shooting her this pearly white grin that probably made all the girls in his private school go weak at the knees. But Faith wasn't a school girl and she definitely wasn't a virgin, so his attempt at 'flirting', for lack of a more appropriate word, fell flat in a matter of seconds.

"Call me that again and the hospital's gonna be resetting your nose, kid. I got a name; use it."

As Faith turned away from him, she could hear Pedro nearly moan her name like he meant to tease her with it, but the brunette ignored him and plopped down on the floor next to Nate. They didn't say anything for a moment and Faith fixated her eyes on Hannah in the far corner of the room, setting herself up one _monstrous _line of cocaine. Faith sighed. Why the fuck wasn't it obvious to these people not to screw yourself up to the point of near death? Seriously.

"Han!" Faith called from her place on the floor, not wanting to get up unless she absolutely had to. Hannah looked up at her, looking so much younger than her sixteen years, and Faith shook her head. "You've been doing a line every fifteen minutes like clockwork since you've been here. If you don't chill the fuck out you're gonna end up having a heart attack and I'll tell you right now, it ain't gonna be on my watch. Give it another half an hour then cut that thing in half, alright? Either that or I'm gonna make your bed available and you can spend the night in the rain."

She wouldn't really kick someone out when they were dangerously close to ODing – she's not that much of a bitch – but no one knew that because it had never actually came down to that. Everyone just always listened to her, not wanting to risk fucking themselves out of this place; because no matter how shitty it was, it was still wicked chill.

Hannah looked a little disgruntled, but nodded her compliance. Nate nudged Faith in the arm and she looked over at him, one eyebrow raised in question. "You ever try coke?" he asked her.

"What's it to you?"

Nate chuckled, expecting that response. Faith had always gotten really defensive whenever he brought up the drug subject. She would never answer him outright; she'd either avoid it entirely or go on the offensive whenever the topic was breached. It just wasn't a conversation she needed to be having with anybody, _period._

Faith knew it bore at his curiosity though: why she was doing all of this in the first place. Her answer was always the same: for the money. But Nate was convinced that if that were the case, she'd have just left everybody alone in there without a care in the world, letting them spin themselves out to an early grave. Instead, Faith always made sure someone was there to watch them. She enforced rules to make it safe for everyone. She _cared._

Not that Faith would ever admit to that though. She wouldn't budge from that answer and besides, it wasn't like Nate's batting average had changed at all; he still was sporting a big fat zero when it came to successfully getting Faith to open up. As did most people.

"I was just curious," Nate answered, suddenly putting on this tone like he just became the smartest guy in the room. "You know, since you seemed to know exactly how much would be fatal for her just by looking at her size and how much she had done already. Only serious addicts can guestimate that shit."

"Or anyone who can _read,"_ replied Faith, shooting him a look that clearly read, 'that was seriously your best guess?' Anyone could have that knowledge if they just took the time to learn it, and since she offers half-day housing to drug addicts, kinda important that she knew her shit.

"You read?" He seemed genuinely surprised. Everyone always was though, because they assumed Faith was an idiot. It had happened so often now that it barely even bothered her anymore. Fuck everyone and their assumptions anyway.

"My TV only gets three channels, dude," Faith replied, looking at him like he should have drawn this conclusion himself. "What the fuck else am I supposed to do? Bake?"

"Oh my god, yes; _food…"_

The word was said like he had just been pleasantly surprised by an unexpected orgasm and Faith snickered. "This is why you're fat, you know. You smoke too much and then eat the entire left side of the McDonald's menu."

"Okay, _no,"_ Nate started, holding up a finger in her face before swooping it down to motion to his nonexistent abs, "First of all bitch, this ain't fat; my muscles are just resting. It's not my fault you can't tell the difference." That earned a laugh. "Secondly… why the hell are you still here?"

Confusion crossed Faith's features for a moment. "Huh?" Shit, was she supposed to do something today? Her memory has been such shit lately.

"For fuck's sake, Faith; how do you not remember this conversation? It happened this morning! You said you needed me to watch tonight cause you had that thing with Bunny."

"Buffy."

Right… slaying, or whatever the hell they're doing tonight. Fuck, where's her head at today? She hadn't been sleeping well for the past few weeks, but it never really started to affect her cognitive process until a few days ago. Out of nowhere Faith had seemed to have developed some sort of insomnia and it was royally pissing her off because she didn't know how to fix it. Pills were useless to a Slayer because their bodies metabolized them too quickly, and she was too fucking restless all the time to even bother with attempting that meditation bullshit.

In the long run though, it probably didn't even matter. Faith got enough sleep to function well enough physically, so she could still slay. That was really all that was important, anyway. Besides, the whole thing will probably just go away on its own; come a month and she'll be sleeping like a baby again.

Hopefully.

"Whatever," Nate dismissed with a wave, taking another hit off his joint. He hated Buffy's name because for some reason he could never remember it, so eventually he just stopped trying; she had been 'Bunny' to him for like three weeks now. Faith didn't know why she even bothered to correct him anymore. Maybe it became habit. "Are you dating her or something?" he asked while exhaling a puff of smoke, which he nearly ended up choking on as he started coughing violently.

Faith just stared at him. "Do I _look _like I'm the commitment type to you?" she asked, like he really should've known better than to ask that. "I might as well have an 'open all night' sign tattooed on my vag with how many people come in and out of it." Nate was still violently coughing up his left lung, so when Faith made him laugh it pretty much put him in the realm of 'okay, this could end badly.' Actual breathing was touch and go there for a minute, but eventually Nate was able to breathe and function like a semi-normal human being again.

"You…"

Nope, nevermind.

Nate started coughing again, however still was offered no sympathy by Faith, who just sat there and waited for him to get his shit together. The only side-effects worth acknowledging were the fatal ones anyway, and she was pretty positive no one ever died from a coughing fit. It took a moment for Nate to get ahold of himself but finally he was able to execute proper words instead of nasty hacking sounds. "You've been spending nearly every night with this chick, Dimps," he reminded her. "If she ain't spreading her legs by now, then just admit defeat and move on."

"Pretty sure I never said that she wasn't."

That made Nate sit up straighter. "But you don't do anyone more than once. Is this psycho bitch _stalking_ you or something? Because I know people who could fix that for you." Faith nearly laughed out loud at that mental image. An entire gang of thugs wouldn't have a prayer of taking down Buffy; they'd be laid out on their asses in five minutes flat.

Not the point though.

"She's not stalking me. We just got some shit we gotta do together, is all."

"Every night?" Nate asked, as though he were already convinced that Faith was feeding him a load of horse crap. She wasn't though. Not really.

"Pretty much."

Vampires didn't exactly give the courtesy of a day off.

Nate just stared at her for a moment, an amused look on his face. Finally he turned back to his joint and said casually, "Well congratulations on your new girlfriend; I'll be anxiously waiting beside my mailbox for the wedding invitation. You'll be a fucking _vision_ in white."

Faith responded to that with a sarcastic smile and her middle finger. Nate laughed.

She still felt the need to defend her position though, cause he was right in a way; Faith had never slept with the same person twice. "She's just a good fuck, that's all. It ain't gonna become a thing."

"Uh huh."

Faith fucking hated when people used that tone with her; like they thought she was stupid but were appeasing her anyway.

"What the fuck ever, man. At least I'm getting laid. When's the last time you've even _seen _a cock that wasn't your own?"

"Well I'm pretty sure you're whipping yours out right now so we can measure, so…"

Despite her annoyance, Faith laughed. She looked up though when she heard a knock on the door. It was fainter though, so someone had to have been at her room. "Shit, who the fuck would be coming around right now?" It was too late to be Xander, yet too early to be Buffy.

Curious, Faith stood up so she could cross through the side door that joined the two rooms, only to find that the handle didn't move. "Oh, for fuck's sake." Faith banged her head on the door. She forgot she had the manager do that; she didn't need desperate addicts to have a free for all in her room. It still opened from her side, but that didn't do any good right now, did it?

The knocking became louder, more insistent.

"Stop trippin' and just go out the front door," Nate told her, believing Faith's paranoia to be stupid. He didn't get why she hid this place from her friends, even though Faith thought the reason to be fucking obvious.

She hesitated.

"Jesus. If you're gonna be a pansy about it then _I'll_ do it," Nate replied in a bored tone, rolling his eyes as he turned from her. Faith was at his side in less than ten seconds, shoving him lightly out of the way as she scowled.

"Move."

It was a fucked off time of day for anyone she knew to be stopping by anyway, so Faith bottled up her paranoia and headed towards the front door. It was probably one of those bible thumpers anyway; they were always scouring seedy motels, trying to turn prostitutes back to God or whatever it was that got them off these days. But when she pulled it open and saw Buffy on her doorstep instead of Jehovah's Witness, for the first time in her life Faith froze.

"What are you doing over there?" Buffy asked, face etched in surprise as she took in Faith in nothing but a sports bra and boxers in another person's motel room. She drew her first conclusion within seconds and her tone got a little harder. "Are you…?"

"What?" Faith asked, but then it clicked in her brain; fuck yeah, Buffy just gave her an excuse! "Oh, right. Yeah." But then Buffy's face darkened considerably and in a moment of irrational panic, Faith retracted her statement with a louder, more insistent, "No!"

Buffy's expression shifted from angry to confused, then immediately moved right over to suspicious. "Who's in there?" she asked.

"No one. I broke into it, alright? Just lay off," Faith snapped, double checking to making sure that the door was pulled tightly behind her. It was, but that was only a small comfort in comparison to the current fuckfest that was this situation. "What are you even doing here anyway?" she demanded, wondering why the hell this had to happen _now._

"Well considering how you spend a consistent hour every night complaining about how you should have eaten before we left, I thought tonight we might skip that annoyance and actually go to dinner," Buffy replied.

Alright, Faith had to admit that it sounded like a pretty wicked plan.

"_However—"_

…That didn't though.

Buffy started to advance on her, voice dangerously low. "The fact that I just found you half naked, coming out of someone's motel room, kind of makes me want to smash your face into the nearest brick wall; you self-centered, _slutty _little—!"

"Hey, whoa!" Faith interrupted, holding up her hands as annoyance crossed over her features. Buffy needed to back out of her space _right the hell now. _"First of all, B; this thing we're doing? It ain't exclusive. So I don't know why you're getting your panties all in a bunch, but—"

Faith's words were cut off by an uppercut to the jaw. She should have seen that one coming.

"Don't tell me we aren't exclusive, Faith! We _talked_ about this!" Buffy shouted, like Faith actually knew what she was referring to. It was probably one of those conversations where Buffy rambled and Faith was too ADD to properly listen. Seriously, Buffy should know better by now. "You said you'd try, and _this_ is the amount of effort you've put into it? You can't even go a _month?"_

Oh, maybe she did say something to that effect. But fuck, Faith just thought it was one of those things you said; like, 'I'll try to be nicer' when you fucking hate the person or whatever. It's some sort of polite bullshit, isn't it?

Whatever. That ain't even the point. The point was…

"Will you chill the fuck out? I haven't been fuckin' anyone but you, so you seriously need to stop going all Bridezilla on me, B; cause this ain't the way you wanna go if you want to continue doin' the dirty."

It was true; Faith _hadn't _fucked anyone else but Buffy. But frankly she just chalked it up to being too damn busy to lead an active sex life; the only reason she fucked Buffy so often was because it was convenient.

Or at least that was what she told herself.

Buffy pointed angrily at the motel room door. "Then explain to me why you were in there, dressed like _that!"_

Jeez, she was acting as if Faith was standing there in fucking lingerie.

"Like I said, I broke in. I was bored." Faith shrugged carelessly and leaned against the wall. "Why does there have to be some huge explanation? You know this how I hang out; _comfortable._ Besides, these are boxer shorts, not a goddamn g-string. So can you just chill with the accusations for a second so we can stuff our faces? Cause seriously, now that you said food it's all I can think about."

Buffy narrowed her eyes and didn't speak for a long time. Faith knew she was searching for any sign of a lie on her face. If she found one though, she didn't say. Buffy crossed her arms over her chest.

"Fine, but we're having another conversation because if we don't, I'm pretty sure I might strangle you."

Faith smirked.

"Kinky."

"You say that now."

The conversation came right after dinner, and Faith wasted no time telling Buffy whatever it was she wanted to hear. Buffy was the best fuck she'd had in ages, so why the hell would she want to give her a reason to leave? Maybe it wasn't the most honest thing, but Faith was rarely comfortable when it came to revealing the truth. So she made her truth what Buffy wanted it to be and even though it was a lie, it was good for them; fucking dandy with a side of peaches, or whatever. So Buffy should have forgotten all about the motel room, right; just fucking trusted her and left things how they were for once?

Yeah, _right._

Buffy had this nasty little habit called 'curiosity' that Faith wished she'd make a better effort to suppress. The end result fell anywhere from getting yelled at by an overweight museum guard for touching the Wooly Mammoth, to being led into an ambush that would get one of them nearly killed. And, alright, Faith knew that she wasn't exactly ace at being covert ops or whatever either, but Buffy's "wait, stop, think" policy seemed to only count when she wasn't actively trying to become Nancy Drew.

So really, Faith should have seen this coming.

After leaving Nate at the motel while she ran errands, Faith came back to her motel room sore, sunburnt, and grumpy. Having to walk everywhere was shit and a half, but short of jacking a car she didn't have any other options. Faith put her bags on the table before changing into some new clothes, needing to feel less like a sweaty hobo after a long walk in the hot summer's sun. The solution only mildly worked, but that was good enough for now; she needed to get these bottled waters to the speeders so they didn't shrivel up like fucking raisins on her carpet. After grabbing four of them, Faith opened the door that connected her room to the next, not prepared for the sight that greeted her on the other side of it.

Everything she was carrying immediately dropped to the floor. _Shit._

"Faith." The icy voice was all too familiar. As the brunette stared at Buffy standing in the middle of her secret life, watching her tear a cheerleader-sized hole between her two worlds; Faith didn't know whether to stand tall or fall apart. They pulled at her so hard she was forced to stand still, and that made her want to set fire to the world.

So naturally, she finally chose to yell instead.

"_Nate!_ What the _fuck,_ man."

He was the only one that touched the damn door when strangers came to it, so this was obviously his doing. Some friend.

"She threatened me!" It sounded more like an excuse than an apology, and that irritated Faith more considering Nate didn't look like he put up much of a fight; there wasn't a scratch on him. Buffy probably forced him to wear Birkenstocks or something else that was horrendous, and within minutes Nate would have surrendered the fort in a fit of tears and self-loathing. "Why do you always gotta pick the crazy ones, Dimps? _Damn."_

Buffy opened her mouth to retort to that, seemingly offended, but she was drowned out by Faith.

"I don't know, why do you always have to be such a stoned fucking _idiot?"_ she shot back. The whole room reeked of pot and Faith was pretty sure that if Nate wasn't high he wouldn't make such stupid fucking judgments. He knew she didn't want Buffy to know about this place. He fucking _knew _it. "You wanna screw up your life, go right ahead; but you don't fuck with mine. You shouldn't have let her in here!"

"The crazy bitch shoved a piece of pointy wood at my nuts; I love ya to death, but fuck _that._ There are just some things I will not sacrifice for you."

Men were such fucking pussies.

"Uh, hello? Still here, you know," Buffy interrupted, stepping into Faith's line of sight. She didn't look too thrilled but hey, you know what? Neither was Faith. Fuck this shit. "And _still_ waiting for an explanation for the 'Secret Life of an American Drug Addict' set up you've been sneaking off to in here, if you care enough to finally _share!"_ The last word was shrieked so loudly it made Faith's head ring.

You know, for being worded like a choice, it didn't sound too much like a choice.

Regardless of whatever was about to go down though, Faith didn't want to do it here. "Nate, just shut up and watch everyone a sec while I deal with this, yeah? And make sure everyone's getting hydrated and shit; I don't need any more fucking drama to deal with today."

Without even waiting for an answer, Faith left for her own bedroom. She knew Nate would do as she said, just as she knew Buffy would jump to conclusions the second they were alone. "Are you on _drugs?"_ the blonde screamed, not actually waiting for an answer after she had closed the door behind them. "Do you have some kind of death wish? Those things are— why didn't you _tell _us? I could have helped, or Giles; he's the helping sort of type who's an actual adult, but instead you just shut everything inside of you and choose to forget that there are people that care about you, like you _always_ do, and I just—"

"Oh for fuck's sake, B; do I look like I'm on drugs to you?" Faith interrupted, every word implying that Buffy was an idiot for even thinking so. It fucking frustrated her though; the girl would always jump straight to the worst thing she could think of, never just taking a second to stop and look at the shit that was right in front of her face. "You see needle marks, meth sores, or bags under my eyes? Hell, are my pupils even dilated? _No._ So do me a favor and stop expecting the worst from me, cause it's really starting to piss me off."

Buffy was temporarily struck mute as she took in the evidence that Faith had presented her, but it didn't last long. "Well if you're not doing drugs, then why are you having parties with them!"

Faith's expression went flat. "B, if that shitfest was your idea of a party you gotta stop watching those SVU marathons and go out once in awhile. Cause seriously."

Buffy pointed erratically to the other room. "Well what else was I supposed to think? That looked exactly like one of those… those _rape_ dens and—"

Faith snorted; she couldn't help it. "A _rape_ den? What's that, B; like a bear cave for the Chester Molesters of the world?" She smirked, continuing to jest, "Storing a shit ton of greasy food and kidnapped hookers in their secret rooms, planning ahead so that they can sit pretty and avoid the five-ohs through winter?"

"I'm not joking!" Buffy insisted, glaring at her for the unwarranted sarcasm. "People lure women or children or _whoever _to these awful places to get them high before they rape them! There are _beds_ in that room, Faith—"

"Cots, actually."

"Whatever! Ugh, why are you not taking this seriously? Don't you understand what's going on?" Buffy pressed, desperately trying to make Faith see her creatively invented, yet overdramatic 'reasoning'. "We need to find out who's renting that room because I guarantee you it's some fat, old pervert who's using that poor, naïve, probably Stockholm Syndrome-ridden gay boy as a front so that he can round up all the attractive teenagers in the area and take them to his dungeon of… of _pain_ or—! Hey, _stop laughing!"_

It was too much. His _dungeon of pain?_ Buffy seriously needed to lay off the cop drama marathons; she skated right past a dozen other _sane_ conclusions and landed on 'kidnapping serial rapist who has a pet gay'. It was fucking hilarious and Faith couldn't stop laughing, which only aggravated Buffy further.

"Sorry," Faith apologized halfway through her laughing fit, trying to get ahold of it. "But Jesus, you gotta be the most paranoid person I've ever met. _Wow."_ She shook her head in disbelief before explaining, "The room doesn't belong to a rapist, B; it's _mine._ So stop trippin' for a second and breathe, okay? You didn't just accidently stumble onto the world's most nefarious criminal mastermind; it's fine."

Buffy's eyes widened. "Your room?" she repeated, like the concept was incomprehensible. "Why do you need two rooms? Actually no, sorry; that wasn't the question that mattered. What I meant to say was: why the hell do you need to fill your second room with _junkies?"_

"Can you stop shrieking at me? Christ," Faith complained, rubbing her ear in annoyance. Buffy really didn't understand how grating she could be sometimes.

Faith meant to just leave it at that – cause it wasn't any of Buffy's damn business – but since the blonde's conclusions seemed to paint her either as a drug addict or a secret rapist, for once Faith figured the truth might be better. "I'm just keeping them safe while making some extra cash, okay?" she answered, tone defensive. "For fuck's sake, before these kids practically hand-deliver themselves to vamps; alone, doped up, living on the streets…"

"Then why aren't you helping them get _clean?"_ Buffy accused, as if within the span of five seconds Faith somehow managed to turn into some monstrous person. "You could save them that way, but instead you're take advantage of their situation; making _money_ off it! That's…" she shook her head in disbelief, "Ugh, that's really disgusting, Faith."

Okay, whoa; how in the fuck did she just get turned into the bad guy here? She saves these kids from being something's midnight snack on a regular basis, yet still gets bitched at because she's not a what, fucking licensed _therapist?_ Screw that.

"What the fuck am I supposed to do about it, B? Huh?" Faith held out her hands as she stated the obvious to the girl in front of her. "You know what happens when you take away an addicts' stash? They find a way to get more, even if that means putting a dick in their mouth as payment. You wanna lecture them; give them the standard health warnings, tell them they're gonna die? _Well no shit, Sherlock. _They're not idiots, Buffy; they know what they're doing to themselves."

Buffy's ignorance on the subject really infuriated Faith; she didn't understand how Buffy could stand there and preach her high and mighty bullshit when she didn't even know the first thing about _drugs,_ let alone a serious addiction. She made the solution sound so insanely simple that it almost made Faith want to cry with laughter. If a drug addiction was such an easy thing to beat, no one would fucking have one. And yet…

"Death isn't the thing that scares them, B," Faith explained impatiently, "it's being forced to face their shitty life sober. So their needles, their pipes? That's all their world is; they can't see anything else. The longer it goes on, the more wrapped up they get, the clearer the picture of their life becomes: what they are now is what they're convinced they'll be for the rest of their insignificant, miserable little lives. Even if they see someone right next to them recovering, they still manage to convince themselves that it won't be like that for them; as if a life outside of drugs is like some kind of lottery to be won and since they didn't bother buying a ticket, they're shit out of luck. They don't wanna deal with disappointment, so they don't even bother hoping anymore."

"So you see, for your little plan of action to be an actual solution, they'd gotta start facing the fact that they might fuck their chance up." Faith arched an eyebrow, folding her arms across her chest as she harshly informed her, "They won't though. They'll hold onto it like some kind of 'in case of emergency' button just in case it really is their last chance. And yeah, maybe one day, one of them will actually grow a pair, take the risk everyone else was too much of a pussy to take, and finally get some fucking help. But they gotta be the one to do it, otherwise they'll end up relapsing and then the second time around seems even harder to do."

Faith knew she should have stopped talking ages ago, shouldn't have let this bother her so bad, but once she got going it was hard to keep herself from shoving the truth in Buffy's face. "So yeah; the lectures, the warnings, that ray of hope you wanna shine up their ass?" Faith said, her tone becoming heavier as she neared the end of her point, "All you're doing is rolling out the carpet for someone who doesn't want the attention; chances are they're just gonna end up running even further away."

Faith must have gotten used to hearing herself speak, because the silence that followed her last sentence felt unnaturally thick as it hung between the two Slayers. It destroyed Faith's irritation almost instantly; leaving her exposed and vulnerable. That feeling by itself was bad enough, but it tripled once Buffy finally spoke.

"So when did you finally decide to stop running?"

The question was soft, as if Buffy knew it shouldn't have been said out loud. Faith tensed, her body subconsciously slipping into a defensive stance. "Just because I get something doesn't mean I lived it. I ain't gonna pretend my life was fucking Sesame Street or anything, but I didn't run from it like some kind of—"

"Human?"

Faith looked up at her, not expecting that answer but realizing it fit. "Yeah. Me and you, we're better than that shit. We were born strong. Why I can do something with them, y'know? Cause no one else can." She points out the window at some random man getting into his car. "Yet if a Regular Joe is over there to supervise instead of me, odds are that one day – be it ten fucking years, or even just _ten days_ from now – he'll be the one with a needle in his arm, cause that's just how shit works."

By her expression, Buffy clearly thought Faith was just being pessimistic. So she explained, "Adaptation, or whatever it's called; you blend into what's around you for survival. It's like a basic human instinct or something. So if drugs are all that's around you…" Faith shrugged, trying to portray indifference. "It's just what people do. But we're not people, so this gig was practically no risk and all reward; you can't beat that."

During Faith's explanation, Buffy's right eyebrow slowly crept higher and higher so that when Faith was finally done it made everything she just said feel completely irrelevant because obviously her opinions had been dismissed some fucking time ago.

"You've really convinced yourself all this?" Buffy finally asked, sounding legitimately shocked for whatever reason. Now it was Faith's turn to raise an eyebrow, however hers was a bit more challenging.

"Twenty bucks says I know what I'm talking about," she cockily replied. "Go look it up, seriously; survival adaptation is actually a thing. I'm not trying to bullshit you."

"I wasn't talking about that," responded Buffy with a sigh. "I meant… you really think that we're more evolved than everyone else?" She was met with a look as though she should have figured that one out for herself, which made Buffy's eyebrows knit together in disbelief. "We need food and water to survive," she told her. "We cry when we're sad, and smile when we're happy. And yeah, we're stronger and faster than most; but in the end we still need their basic needs to survive, we feel the emotions that make them human. All we have is enhanced abilities, Faith; not an entirely different DNA makeup."

She took a step towards Faith, her expression painted with conflicting emotions. "Just because you're a Slayer, doesn't mean that you have to be strong every second of your life". Buffy's words were softer now, making Faith fidget uncomfortably. "You said you don't run from things…"

"I _don't."_

"Then why are you lying to me?" Buffy challenged, looking her dead in the eyes. "You knew I wouldn't buy your 'Slayers are more evolved' bullshit line because I _am_ one, so why did you even bother? I don't understand what the big deal is, Faith. Even if you were an addict before, you aren't now. And if that is the case, I don't understand how you can be ashamed of that; it takes so much strength to overcome something like that."

Faith was starting to feel a bit suffocated, so she backed away forcefully. "Strength born from weakness is fucking bullshit, B," she responded, unaware she had said anything until after the words had already left her mouth. "All you're doing is leveling out the scale again; it's not some great accomplishment."

"It is when you go from being one of them to housing them, to being around that stuff all day long yet don't touch it."

Faith's expression turned to stone as she stared at Buffy for a long moment. "Why the fuck are you so convinced I was one of them?"

Her answer was far too simple. "Because it's the only explanation that makes sense."

Faith outwardly scoffed at that, yet offered nothing in response. She figured that a conversation can't be one sided, and eventually Buffy would be forced to drop it as she would have nothing to build off of.

The silence stretched on.

"Is it even about the addiction?" Buffy asked finally. "Or is that you don't want to admit that someone as strong as you could ever be weakened like that."

"I'm not _weak!"_

The exclamation was a knee-jerk reaction; a force of habit that couldn't be controlled. Faith could let so many things go, but not that; never that. Because she wasn't fucking weak. Her mom would say it halfway through her drunken beatings, trying to break her. But she didn't. She fucking _didn't._ Never in her goddamn life would Faith ever accept that her mother weakened her. Even if it was true. Even if that _was_ the reason she started shoving needles into her arms. Because in the reality she had accepted, that didn't fucking happen. _Period._ It was just a nightmare that sometimes lingered in the background of her life; close enough to remember, yet far enough to dismiss.

That was the one thing; the hardest truth for Faith to accept had happened… and she just wasn't ready to yet. It was all linked together in this mess of a time that made her hate herself, and so for the sake of her sanity she just… denied it even existed. It was just better that way.

Faith looked like a trapped animal that needed to escape, and so Buffy took a step back so as to not suffocate her. "No," she agreed. "You're not."

It sounded as though Buffy actually meant what she was saying, which should have been a comfort for Faith, yet did nothing but confuse the hell out of her. Buffy wasn't stupid; she had to have known she was finally getting somewhere after that kind of reaction, so why did she stop pushing? Buffy never stopped pushing; she liked being right.

And even though Faith would never admit it, Buffy was right.

But then Buffy smiled softly at her and finished with, "because Slayers aren't capable of being weak," and Faith finally understood what it was that Buffy was doing; accepting her truth, even though she knew it was a lie.

A smile crept across Faith's features as a heavy weight lifted off her.

"Damn fucking right we aren't."

**- FIN -**


End file.
